A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I can't stop checking up on my boyfriend's ex girlfriend. We have been together for 7 months, and he broke up with his ex girlfriend bout 10 months ago (he broke up with her). I've never felt insecure or obsessive like this before, I don't know why but I am slightly obsessing over her. She did try to break us up the first 2-3 months we were together, she kept calling and texting and emailing him, and in the end he put his foot down and told her to leave him alone, full stop, that he's not interested and wanted to move on in life with me. She kept saying that she was so in love with him still, and he must be in love with her too, blah blah blah. But I can't stop comparing myself to her. It's really lame, I know, and I'm embarassed, and I haven't told anyone. I always look at her Myspace and Facebook profile. In all her photos she looks really pretty, but they are all photos from nights out where obviously she is looking her best. I don't know why I m feeling so insecure, without being arrogant at all, I do know I am good looking, and I know my boyfriend really loves me, and I know I don't compare badly to her.I can't help but feel that she still wants him back though, there was an incident where she was at a friends birthday party which she knew he would be going to, and I later saw a few photos that had been taken on the night, my boyfriend and his ex were in a few with other mutual friends but one was just of them 2, he loooked uncomfortable but she was cosied up to him, and that upset me. Lately she keeps trying to add him on Facebook, he keeps denying it because he says she will just cause trouble with us, but she keeps sending him flirty little funny messages, and I can't help feeling like she still wants him back. She's been seeing another guyu for a little while but I happen to know he treats her very badly, and they break up at least once every 2 weeks, and he's really heavily into drugs, which she has also gotten into, which according to my boyfriend is very unlike her. It looks like she is quite messed up at the moment.I do feel less fun in comparison to her though, she is the type of girl who is ALWAYS out drinking, which in the long run isn't that great, but she seems like a fun type of person to be around. I'm not that much ofa going-out-drinking type, I have other interests, and my boyfriend and I do have several similar interests. On the other hand I know she was quite nasty to my boyfriend when they were together, she would hit him and constantly argue with him and make him feel small and stupid, and me and my boyfriend get along very well together, hardly arguing.But I also worry about things like sex - aparently she used to have multiple orgasms just through penetration alone, every time they had sex, which in all honesty I feel a little skeptical of because it's very rare for girls to have orgasms simply through just penetration. But still, it makes me feel downright crap, basically! Why am I feeling like this? I used to consider myself normal, but I can't help but feel I must be some kind of freak to be always looking at this girls profiles and websites! Comparing myself to her makes me feel down about myself, usually I am happy and secure in myself.
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broke up, drugs, ex girlfriend, facebook, flirt, his ex, insecure, move on, myspace, orgasm, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy ex still had feelings for his ex. That's why I felt so insecure and that's why he was so namby pamby about getting her to back off.
Hindsight really is great huh.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): No problem, and glad to be of help!
Don't forget to rate me though!!
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): im not agree with what penta said. there is some cases that the xgf of the guy has still connection and her gf wants to know the truth and she can't trust the guy coz a girl has a different instinct feeling and they r uncomfortable about whats inside of the feeling of the man. we are sensitive and girls are easy to feel what will the guys move and what the man inside his mind. girls are stupid sometimes for being blind with a man even the man cheat on them like clinging with other girl and still giving alibi that makes a girl confused and having uncomfortable feeling for there bf.
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 Never compare your insides to someone else's outsides. Believe me, she's wondering if that dress makes her look fat too. You look at all of your shortcomings with a microscope, because you "know" exactly what they are. But you don't do that to her or anyone else. So of course you feel less. Quit it.
Have you ever stopped to think that the things you see in her that you don't do/have are the very reasons your guy picked you and dumped her? He's with you because he chooses you. You won. She lost. Let it go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, that was EXACTLY what I needed to hear!
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Ok - let's try to cut to the chase here.
He broke up with her - not the other way round. He didn't want her so he got rid of her.
She didn't like the idea of him finding someone else, which probably made her feel insecure, so she attempts to tempt him back to break the two of you up. He didn't fall for it. She didn't succeed. Why? Because he wants you, not her.
If she takes a couple of hours in front of the mirror with a drawer full of cosmetics trying to look good for a facebook profile picture, what lies underneath must need a fair bit of work on it to achieve the desired effect. You know in your own mind that you compare favourably to her, so no problem there as far as I can see.
There's nothing quite so desirable as something you can't have. That's why she won't give up trying to snare him. He's probably aware that if he did give in to her she'd delight in having broken the two of you up, only to get her revenge for him dumping her by her dumping him. Hell hath no fury etc.
Your fella sounds a level-headed sort of chap, so her getting into drugs will repulse him even more, and they are probably the main reason for her being messed up.
Someone who is always out on the piss and getting tanked up will appear to be a fun type of person, but alcohol will have addled her brain somewhat, and she'll be the one with a thick head in the morning. Not much fun in that. It's her problem, and certainly not a virtue.
Yours is a comfortable stress-free relationship, theirs was not. I know which I'd prefer.
Then we come to the orgasms bit - multiple fake orgasms, I would say. Why should you feel crap about someone else faking orgasms?
If I had to choose between the two of you, it would be you that I would prefer, without any doubt whatsoever. Your boyfriend is of the same persuasion, obviously. Hold your head up high - deep down you know you're the better person, or if you don't you should do!
Phil
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