A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:A few weeks a go my boyfriend told me I was being too clingy, and he said more recently that I was holding him back and not letting him be himself...(he was saying that I wouldn't let him do things that he would normally do that would get him in trouble or possibly hurt) I don't want to make him feel bad or anything like that. I'm trying really hard to not be so needy and clingy..but I can't help but notice when he doesn't go to hold my hand like he used to or how we don't kiss as much and all that...I don't know if this is normal in a relationship or not so I could use some guidance. It's making me feel unwanted and guilty for being so needy but I can't help it. We moved recently and so I haven't many friends yet so I can't spend my times with them and just calling my other friends isn't enough for me to feel, well, wanted. I have to be able to see and touch someone to actually feel connected. Simply talking via text or over the phone isn't really enough for me and I believe that I need to change this..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): Thank you all so much! You're responses are very helpful and I really appreciate them (: ill try and incorporate a little of all of them if I can. Again, thank you!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): Well then he's a stupid idiot who does not deserve you.You go girl, keep being yourself, and break up with the stupid idiot. There will always be other options and chances are, another boy will love you for who you are. But what does your heart tell you to do, as long as you dont change yourself, you will be ok
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A
female
reader, angel91  +, writes (12 May 2013):
at 13-15 years old, boys tend to just want to have fun and enjoy themselves. Even at 20 they'd still prefer to play football than have a romantic night in with their girlfriend.He isn't holding your hand/kissing like you used to probably because of the clingy thing. Back off on the touchyness for a while, and give him the space he needs to be himself. If calling your other friends isnt enough to feel wanted, arrange to meet up with them and go do something fun.It seems to me that you're becoming a little too dependent on your boyfriend for happiness. He's not the only person in the world who can make you feel good. At your age it's a little dangerous to let someone else control your happiness in the way you are.Take this opportunity to spend a little time with friends, figuring out how to make yourself happy. How about taking up a new hobby? That way, when you see your boyfriend you'll also have new things to talk about?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): It sounds to me like the both of you are just not yet ready for a relationship. He still want to run and play, you are to dependent on others.There are two ways to want something. The way a casual drinker might murder for a cool beer AND the way an alcoholic needs a beer every single day before dinner.And when a teenage girl says "he means everything to me" I see an alcoholic. It is one thing to want to be with someone, it another to need to be with them. In your update you state you don't want to hurt him. Isn't he the one hurting you?It is not unreasonable to expect your boyfriend to hold hands or kiss you. Granted not all the time but isn't part of liking each other want to touch each other, be with each other?Of course, there are always degrees. How much do you want to be with him. Every waking moment? That is to much. The danger, considering what you are saying about yourself, is that you are living through your boyfriend. To be loved you first need to love yourself. It sounds trite but until you can be happy/content on your own, as a single, you will always be the needy/clingy one. And then boyfriends will always take you for granted because you will always be there as a puppy when they give you a sliver of attention.A woman who is happy on her own, who has her own intrests, she might say when he comes to her "not now, I got my own life". It means anyone who wants to be her boyfriend has to work at it to be with her. Who do you think gets more respect? The dog or the cat?Why are you with him. Because you are in love with him, the person. or because you need someone, anyone in your life.If the last, stop. That is a way to be a toy for any jerk who walks in your life. A real boyfriend should want you to be with her, not all the time but most of the time. And a real girlfriend should want to be with him but not need to be with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): I should also add that it's tearing me up inside..I'm not very trusting or open to begin with and like I said before I really don't want to hurt him..he means everything to me...
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