A
female
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anonymous
writes:I dont know if I should break up with my long distance bf or not.Now, usually, I am the type of person who is very determined and commited to making something work, especialy realtionships. I dont give up easily on things- I always try my hardest, and in fact, I probably try to hard, to the point where I over try and it has negative effects on my health, as I just get so worn down physically and emotionally.I am having serious doubts about my relationship. We see each other every 4 weeks. I dont think its the distance that worries me so much, its more so him. I think that if I felt I could trust him, then we could easily survive the distance, however I just dont feel like I can trust him. He has a very flirty personality- and whether that means he will/has cheated on me, I dont know, but it does make me feel VERY insecure the fact that he intentiionaly seeks out so much attention from all these girls. My bf has so many girls crazy in love with him in his hometown, and even in the town where I live. When he comes to visit, he flirts with all the girls in my social circle. Now by flirt, these are the types of things I'm talking about, just so we are clear, as I know everyone views flirting as different things.He is always finding excuses to touch girls, whether it be there arm, or hugging them etc. When going to the beach he puts sunscreen ALL OVER there bodies and he asks them to do the same for him. He has told a few girls in front of me that they are hot, and when they giggle and go 'ohh please, no im not', he makes it his mission to convince them the whole rest of the night. Hes seen one of his girl friends naked a few times, by "accident", and he makes sure he tells me and pretty much rubs it in my face. He makes comments to other guys about how he would love to able to jsut sit back, drink and be surrounded by a group of beautiful women...hmm what about me? He is always adding lots of random girls on his facebook account to his friends list, and it just makes me think why? Why would you add girls that you dont know, unless you were searching for a possible gf? There is this one girl in particular who lives hear him, who he tells me has a major crush on him. She is always all over him physically and telling him hes cute and bla bla. Giving him so many compliments and it goes right to his head. Shes made several moves on him- like trying to kiss him, she puts her hand on his leg etc. I dont know how he responds, but the point is, he continually still hangs around her! He never says "stop it, i have a gf". One time, he went out partying with this girl 5 nights in a row and he NEVER contacted me the whole time. He said he was "busy" and didnt have time to, but of course he had time to chat to this girl on facebook during the day when they werent partying. That made me feel like absolute crap. Then he posted all these pictures online of his party nights with this girl online, with them really close together, his arm around her etc, and her hanging off him. However, he tells me I shoudlnt worry.Hes apparantly going to a party tonight where there will be lots of single 20 year old girls. He made a point to tell me that. He told me there is going to be this one girl there in particular who has a crush on him, and apparntyly she is 'obssessed with him'.It just annoys me how, there are these girls who like him alot, and rather then being upfront with them and telling them to back off because he has a gf, he sort of leads them on by not directly saying no and being upfront. He continually puts himself in the position of these girls who he knows have major crushes on him. I think he just enjoys the ego boost so much, to the point where he doesnt care if it tears down my confidence. Seriously, how am I supposed to deal with all of this? I cant take it!!! BUt the thing is, apart from all of this, he is the most loving guy I know. I am so confused. My ex bfs all abused me, and my bf I have now doesnt, so part of me thinks I should hold onto this relationship because he doesnt abuse me- i should be thankful for that. But I still feel like crap in this relationship even tho he doesnt abuse me. Why cant I be happy like this? Is there something wrong with me? Ive told him a couple of times how this makes me feel, however he just tells me that he would never cheat on me, so I should be ok. He says hes just being friendly. I dont want to keep bringing the issue up, as I fear of being seen as an possessive and controlling gf. While I am trying to put him first before me, because I dont want him to feel like hes in a controlling r/ship, my heart is being stomped on so hard. I feel like I cant be good enough for him. IF i was good enough then he wouldnt want to flirt with all these girls, he wouldnt seek there attention. Please help me. By the way we are both 20 years old.
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cheated on me, confidence, crush, facebook, flirt, insecure, long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, francy  +, writes (13 March 2009):
hmmm girl i do not know what i should really tell you but you are almost in the same situation as me......... the only thing is should tell you is have proofs by trying to catch him with a girl in bed or something by then you can make a decision ... some men has many gfs but out of all his gf there is one that he really loves and that might be you so do not miss your luck he might be the only guy in your life that treats you the way you want coz by judging what you have said about him shows you appreciate him and you like his manners ,the only thing i can say you hate about him is hanging out with many girls , i do not really have a problem with that as long as he tells you the truth and hat's what you said he does.......... so do not break up with him unless you are sure about it since you do love him...........
A
female
reader, kayli  +, writes (6 March 2009):
 hi there,
First things first there is nothing wrong with u!more like theres something wrong with him not wanting to spend as much time as he can with u ..he would rather spend it talking about other girls or flirting with them ....and boosting about it
I am in a LD relationship and when we see each other we spend as much time as we can with each other ... another very important thing is TRUST which in a LD relationship is a must and is gained through the way u care for some1 any treat them !
to be totaly honest with u i think hes taking advantage of u and i think he sees u more as a girl ....friend if u get what i mean .... and i think this is why hes teilling u about all these other girls....sorry if am being a bit harsh
u may not want to hear all of this but yes uve been abused in ur last relationships but why stay with in this 1 if he makes u feel unhapppy and so confussed he should be reassuring u (not just by telling u hes not going to cheat)but by proving to u .....
u deserve to be loved and treated with the respect that u deserve too ... but at the end pf the day u know urself better than any1 else and u know what u want/need!
hope that sort of helped ..want to talk more write tome x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): This guy sounds like a total jerk. My advise, get rid of him . He is not treating you right! Girls deserve much better.There are plenty of guys =]GL
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and one thing I forgot. He has this girl friend who sleeps around alot. He always tells me how she keeps saying she wants to have sex with him. Despite this, he stills hang around her. I feel like hes really disrespectful to me, for him to hang around a girl who tells him she wants to have sex with him. Not to mention he goes over her house at night, late at night, early mornings when no one else is there.
And yes, he tells me all of this.
Over and over again. Its almost like hes saying "Hey look at me, I am sooooo wanted by all these girls, you should feel lucky I am with you".
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