A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a bit intense. I had this friend that I used to talk to very often. We stopped talking for a brief while because he started dating girls, and I was getting serious with my current relationship. Needless to say, we haven't been really in contact in the past year.But before we pursued our relationships, we texted and called each other very often. He was like my brother, and he often referred to me as someone like his sister. Anyways, he's really big into drugs/alcohol, and although I would try to get him out of it, he'd never really try so eventually I just talked to his closer friends about it and gf at the time, and -we- all tried to get him to stop. But again, he never did. He would quit for a brief moment, but then get caught up in a situation that involved it and continued his use.Anyways, throughout the year we didn't really stay in contact, he would call me during late nights telling me something about his problems and I would stay up listening. It wasn't a big deal at first because I was helping out a good friend, but he was convinced that he had every mental disease possible. Bipolar/schizophrenia /etc. I tried to tell him that if he really felt that way and that it WASN'T the drugs, that he can go get help for that. He would agree, hang up, and repeat it over the course of the next few months.Just recently he called me and told me he was coughing up blood. I made a small laugh, and told him that it would have happened eventually with the way he was treating his body with the drugs and alcohol. He proceeded to curse heavily at me and hang up, then call back five minutes later, saying that I didn't care about him and that he needed help.I talked to his ex-gf about this and it turned out he did the same thing to her. However, she told me he came to her saying he was bi-polar and that no one would ever love him; and basically used that to guilt her into staying with him. Eventually the diseases kept changing to other mental disorders, and he would always use it as a cover-up for his rude behavior and drug usage.He called me last night talking about how he keeps getting screwed over and he's getting sent to a mental ward. I encouraged him to go and that he should get himself sorted out, so he can start over again. He started going on about how he hates people and that he loves emotionally traumatizing them. I told him that I was disturbed, but I was also very drained, and that I don't even know if he's being honest anymore with the events and diseases, there's just too much to keep up with. He keeps saying that it's a mental disease that's making him do bad stuff without ACTUAL proof that he's mentally sick. Voices, hallucinations, all that. But what if it's the drugs that we keep trying to get him to stop? I'm tired of how he keeps cursing at me when I try to encourage him to go to a doctor. What do you guys think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): Just to make one thing clear OP when we cut off our emotional leech friend it wasn't a complete disconnect from us. We just didn't want him around us while he was high anymore, we didn't want him around unless he was going to be there to have fun, laugh and enjoy himself. The sad fact at that time was he was never sober and was never happy nor enjoying himself so we didn't see him much. It took a while but he burned himself out and got his act together and we were perfectly willing to let him come back after that because he was by nature a good guy, just going through a messed up time.
OP don't ever listen to the bullshit people tell you that you have to always be there for your friends. There has to be a reasonable limit if a friends lifestyle is dragging you down and they're so wrapped up in issues they're not actively trying to solve then you must be the one to enact some self-preservation and protect yourself from them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): Ditch the fool, it's the only way you can help him.
I was druggy for about a decade. Never really an addict but a weekend warrior. As such I had plenty of social circles of people that also liked to take drugs including your gimp ass friend. I call him a gimp ass because that's how he is acting.
He's what we call an emotional leech. He's a person that is so narcissistic that all he craves is attention, pity and wants people to fuel his problems and baby him but he'll never actually go and fix these problems because he's weak minded idiot.
You think you're helping him by being his shoulder to cry on OP but you're not, by being his outlet you're his enabler, you're actually making this a lot worse and not only is it an emotional drain on you but you're helping him stay in this warped frame of mind, you're basically fucking with him OP.
OP a very simple rule with people I always follow that lets me know what's best to do. Friendships are about balance if they take and don't give they're not friends. When is the last time he asked you how you were or sat there and listened to you talk about your life in any kind of detail without talking about himself instead? He's not a friend OP, he's an emotional leech and the only one who can solve his problems is him. He knows he's fucking with himself but instead of doing anything about it he turns to fools like you (forgive me but you are being a bit of a fool) to give him a brief emotional comfort and attention so he can continue on fucking himself over. How are you helping him? You're not.
I had a friend that was the exact same, he was a complete buzzkill. We'd take ecstasy together, a whole group of us, at the weekend and somehow he always managed to get us talking about how fucked up his life was, how he takes it every day and really shouldn't and we ended up repeating ourselves over and over again. So eventually we got sick of that and we cut him off, stopped inviting him over and stopped being his outlet. This meant he had to actually face his problems instead of using us to ease them for him and after a few months he got his act together stopped being a whiny little bitch and is now one of my closest and trusted friends. His experience while tough as hell has steeled him and made him far wiser now. If he has a problem he needs help dealing with he'll come to us but knows he has to deal with them and can't just complain about something unless he's actively trying to change it.
OP stop being a sap and cut this guy off.
Tell him you've had enough of this, tell him he's knows exactly how to fix his life, he's not an idiot and you see no point in repeating yourself over and over. Most importantly OP tell him this is too much for you, he's dragging you down too and unless he fixes his life then you can't be in it. You can't own his pain OP and it's very unfair for anyone to burden you with that kind of pain if they're never going to actually fix it. If he wants to live in misery then he can fuck off and do it alone, a good friend wants their friends to be happy and will not let them be dragged into a world of pain that can be easily fixed.
Ditch him, stop enabling and don't for one second feel guilty, this is his life, he's the one fucking it up he's the one who can fix it. You have to take care of yourself and if something is making you sad you need to fix that. So if him leeching your emotions like this is making you sad then just stop him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 February 2012):
 Addicts are hard to deal with, sometimes it takes tough "love" as in telling then to get help or not talk to them again.
Several studies have linked Schizophrenia to early teenage drug use, even thing as "harmless" as marijuana/hash. Also drugs such as Methamphetamine and PCP also mimic the symptoms of schizophrenia, and can trigger ongoing symptoms of schizophrenia in those who are vulnerable. Also certain drugs are linked to MDD (Major Depressive Disorders )Goodness knows what kind of chemicals are added to whatever drugs he takes.
So he could be mentally ill. But, you can't "fix" him.
I think you have to figure out if you can/want to keep dealing with him or not. I can't tell you what to do, only that I would cut the contact for my own sanity.
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A
female
reader, Zebramoose +, writes (6 February 2012):
there's no way to really know if he's faking it or not.
What kinds of drugs was he using, exactly?
The only people that can help him are those in the ward. My mom had an allergic reaction to a medication she should have never been prescribed and ended up in a ward. Long story short, it's the only way to know that a person is getting the help they need- drug induced or not. Crazy people don't know they're crazy usually, and being nice to them really sets them ablaze.
You seem to have done the best you can to help him with this. Unfortunately, the more time passes the more difficult it becomes to fix this sort of issue. Especially if he's doing something like meth, which over time literally turns your mind to mash.
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A
male
reader, Ayan Ganguly  +, writes (6 February 2012):
 From the information provided by you, it is evident that he is deeply into addiction.He does try to lead a normal life but because of his addiction he is unable to do and therefore creates this other person (the bipolar thing)whom he can blame for his condition.You are absolutely right in encouraging him to go to the doctor,it is the thought of leaving alcohol and drugs,that creates a fit of rage in him and curses you..the other reason for cursing you is that he realizes that you are his well-wisher and he is unable to live up to your expectation and this frustration that is generated by his lack of commitment to your friendship is expressed by cursing you...he has created a mindset where he blames the world for his problems..he needs medication and you should encourage him..
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