A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 38 years old and I don't have any friends other than my wife. I have one friend from high school I see once in a great while. He always wants to meet up and do something, but I have no interest. I get along with my colleagues at work, but work is work. My wife has no friends outside of work either. We have hobbies and sometimes meet people as a result, but these acquaintances are short-lived. We might meet up once in a setting unrelated to the hobby and never again. To be honest, I am fine with this. My wife says she is not, but she is just as guilty of turning down offers of friendship as I am - maybe more so. For example, there was a woman she knew from an old job who came over to our house for dinner once. After that, she invited us out maybe a dozen times to various events. My wife always refused, saying "She is too much of a party girl." I could care less. I like to read, garden, and do other activities alone. I have always had a dislike for other people. In fact, I distinctly recall that as a child I would feel disgusted by someone if they made friendly advances to me. I would feel more inclined to avoid them than if they had never done so. I feel the same way about family. I like family on occasion, but I often find myself avoiding them. I dread phone calls from family except on special occasions and usually let them go to voicemail. I don't buy cards, see my nieces or nephews but once every year or two, and last year didn't celebrate Christmas.I guess my question is: Is this okay or is it symptomatic of a psychological disorder?I get along okay at work, am not afraid to chat with people in line at the grocery store, and so on. I just don't want them in my life. I feel they have nothing to offer me. I like being alone. My wife is my big exception. She is everything to me and when I met her I knew that I had to have her in my life. In this age of Facebook and everyone is a friend of everyone I feel like an oddity for wanting to be left alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): Hi!I don't think there is something wrong with you. Mainly in many aspects i am like you, want to be left alone, at least when i am at home. For me, having people to do some activities with is nice, but i don't either find it important to be dependent on an intense social life. The only thing you should take care of is how your wife feels. If she wants a more intense level of social life maybe you should discuss the possibility of opening up a little bit, just to fulfill her needs too. But i surely agree that most of the time oversocialising, although promoted in our societies through many ways, is just overrated. In some cases it may also hide personalities that are afraid, for one reason or the other, to stay with themselves and this i think is a real problem and not the opposite.Enjoy your time the way you prefare and stop worrying for nothing!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (17 September 2011):
 It seems that the closest "box" for personality disorders you would fit into would be the "Schizoid Personality Disorder".
While it doesn't seem like anything is terribly wrong with you (I'm not a professional, but you seem okay to me!), if it is interfering with you, or your love ones happiness, social ability or health - then perhaps you should look into getting professionally evaluated just to be sure.
http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx30.htm
Check out that link for more information on Schizoid Personality Disorder. If that seems to fit your MO, then maybe you should consider seeing someone professional.
It's not a problem to be private, reserved or to prefer to be alone. But, it can be if you take it to unnecessary and unhealthy extremes. So do your homework, and see if this is something you should have professionally evaluated!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 Its ok to be a private person and not really want friends, but its also nice to have at least 1 other close friend - apart from your wife. Life is a stage and you just never know when you may need a helping hand from someone. I have learnt life isn't all about money or fame or success. Acquaintances are good but a friend's position is different. Having said that, quite a number of men I know are like this and some women too. A lot of times it is the wives that are able to keep one or two friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): I myself have a few friends but my husband is the only friend i never got fed up with love spending time with him always
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Facebook makes us overestimate how social and happy other people are because mostly it only shows the good side of things. So don't put anything in relation to facebook life. If not having lots of friends is what makes you happy, you don't have to justify it to anyone else. My boyfriend is the same way as you. He will come along with me and my friends and have fun, he will meet up with old friends from school, but he really only has one real friend other than me. Whatever makes you happy so long as it's not hurting anyone else.
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A
female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Hello,I dint think there is anything wrong with wanting to be, by yourself I love absolutley love my space am quote content spending hours on my own, but am also very sociable - I have a very few close friends that I love to catch up with and can spend hours being with but that's me.You dont sound like a person with an anti-social nature per-say as you like to talk to people, and obviously have connections with people at work. You should live your life as you wish.However, maybe your wife needs that social time, and needs to explore other people and maybe she feels bad "leaving" you so I think it would be healthy for you to encourage her to see other people in a social setting.I had a partner who never wanted friends, and I was the only person he wanted to be "friends" with, I found it very hard through guilt to give myself the social time I needed, which in the end harmed the relationship.Hopefully this has helped a littleKitties
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): No I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all, and there are millions of people who think the same way to an extent. I am one of those, who gets on with everyone at work and through the odd social activity, but am more than happy with my own company and with the few friends I have.
Having lots of 'friends' (as in Facebook) and in 'real life' to me is overrated, and can be a bit of a burden sometimes.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Hi,
I am the same age as you. I don't think there's anything wrong with you for not wanting people in your life. I guess you are anti-social, as people may call. I wonder, did anything happened to you in the past that made you feel this way, or are you just the kind of person that enjoys to be alone?
If something happened to you in the past, I think you should give people a chance to be friends with you. There are many good people out there. Making friends is not about having something to gain, but is about spending time, companionship, just relaxing, talking, sharing the same interest, etc. Friendship doesn't have to be a commitment. I think is good to have friends same gender, just to go out, share a beer, laugh, that's it.
I don't go out often, dont have many friends, don't like parties either. But, I enjoy meeting my female friends, have some girl talk once in a while. Sometimes i need someone to talk, i am angry at something, had a bad day, and like meeting girlfriends to vent. So, as you can see, I am not much a social person either, so I completely understand you. You may say my life is boring, but is what I choose, what I want & I enjoy this way.
Bottom line is, there's nothing wrong how you are, and how you want to live your life. If you dont miss spending time with people, dont feel lonely, then i guess you don't need friends. You are a private person, and that's ok.
Hope this helps.
ok, as long as you are happy.
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