A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship since 2 and half year now. I did so much for my fiancé that now days no one does. I got laser hair removal for 10,000, I gave him everything he asked me for, expensive perfumes, shampoos, glasses, iphone 4s, iphone accessories, $250 iphone case, laptop accessories, flexfelt for $500 you name it I have gave him every single thing of his choice. I even helped him to get his business start by giving him money. He says girls do more for boys. I am the first one to contact him since we are together. Its like I remind him that I am in his life otherwise he never comes on his own. Its very painful. I have spend thousands of dollars just on phone cards. I am the one who text him first. Everything is hidden from me, I barely know anything that he does. He never shares anything with me. I love him so much but when it comes to me nothing. He never does anything I say, he never listens to me, he makes fun of me in front of his friends, and his family. I cry every single day, since we are together I never met him not even once. Whenever we did Skype he barely turns his video on but whenever he tells me to turn mine on I can't refuse him. If i call him he close my call or just ignores me. His phone is never charge. Since its day and night difference, he works day time and than study at night. He stays home more than 8 hours just watching tv and never talks to me. When i call he is tired or sleepy, or even while watching tv he says he is busy. It hurts, it clearly show he doesn't want to be with me. He says he wants me only but i have no reason to believe that. I have asked him if he can live without me and he said yes, i said how long he said as long as you want, his actions clearly show i am nothing in his life. I have no friends, not even one except him. I share everything with him, i tell him what hurts me, what breaks me, what things he does that break my heart but in return he only says stop complaining. I did so much for him and his excuse for not doing anything for me is distance which is not an excuse because I did everything as well when I am also far. I don't know if he loves me. He never cared about me, he never understood my feelings. If i cry on the phone he barely shows he cares. After 5 minutes if I call again he is sleeping peacefully like nothing happened instead of calling me back and trying to make me feel better. I don't know what to do i don't want to break the relationship. PLEASE help me :'( i'm really broken down now
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his ex, long distance, money, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!!! Damn....sorry to sound so harsh but how much more proof do you need?! Go back and reread your post and think about it! This guy obviously doesn't love you, more than likely he's a con artist. He loves the money that you foolishly keep spending on him, which is why he hasn't left! Just like the others said don't talk to him anymore and go out and meet real people. I sincerely hope it works out or you and that you get into a beautiful REAL relationship.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 May 2013):
It sounds like you fell in love with a scam artist. When the only thing that you get out of a relationship is pain that means you've stayed too long.
You don't love him, you just crave his acceptance. You need to dump him and block him. If you don't block him he'll just manipulate you into coming back to him.
Get out into the real world and meet real people. If you think you may have social issues you may want to go see a therapist.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 May 2013):
 Wow is all I can say. You really need to come to grips with the fact that you are being used and if you think you are broken now after 2 1/2 years, just think how you will feel in another year. Girlfriend, this ain't gonna get any better. You have no choice but to end it now.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (15 May 2013):
 I'm so sorry you have experienced this - you are just being used for money I'm afraid, he has fully exploited you and has no interest in anything else other than the contents of your bank account.
You have been too soft on him for too long, this is not love, this isnt even a relationship - it is a user (him) and the abused (you).
End this so called 'relationship' now, he clearly doesnt care if you speak to him ever again or not. Unfortunately I dont think you will get your money back, these were all gifts and because of living so far apart there is not a lot you can do to recover the money you have lost.
Delete him on skype, delete his phone number...delete any possible way for you to contact him. You need to start the process of moving on, and you have to cut all contact with him and never speak to him again.
Next time you get into a relationship make sure you never buy a guy any gifts unless it is for birthdays/christmas, and NEVER give him money. There is no need for a man or a woman to be giving gifts all the time, there is no financial value on love and you should just be happy to be with each other, the gifts dont mean a thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): The time has come for you to get some self-esteem. I truly do feel for you, but you have to take responsibility in this because you are enable this man to treat you badly. You only get what you accept, and your accepting something way below your worth.
Why do you love this man? Love is suppose to make you feel good, not used or hurt. My feeling is that you are addicted to this person, and on some level, you are comfortable in a relationship where your needs are not met. What is this really about? Therapy might be helpful.
The fact that you are reaching out, means that on some level you are ready for a change. You can find a man that will love you, but you have to be willing to first love yourself, and drop this relationship which is only but a roadblock to finding real love.
In life we only get what we feel like we deserve, what we feel like we are worthy of. Why don't you feel worthy of someone really cherishing you OP? I think it's time to ask these bigger questions. I guarantee you, you'll find that it goes way deeper than this particular person.
Was there ever a time he treated you loving? Maybe, you are holding on to a past that is long gone. Do you pick men that general treat you badly, while you treat them well? In the end, these relationship only help to shine a light on us, you learn about yourself and what you need to work on.
You deserve SO much better. If he doesn't get it, then you must move on and address underlying issues that allowed for this to happen. You are not a victim here, you are responsible for what is happening, make no mistake about it.
That being said, I really wish you all the best in your journey.
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