A
female
age
51-59,
*exy Gwen
writes:I have had serveral men in my life once a point a time that I use to deal financely,sexually,mentally the whole nine yards.now these guys have saw each other but they don't know each other like that and the first guy caught me with the second guy proudly to say we began a relationship then I cheated again because this is who I am I am not the type to watch somebody do me in.i cheated again and again but I was also been cheated on so it is what it is. now everybody is ringing my phone telling me how much they miss me when can we hook back up.why are these men turning to me now I know it is not a shortage on women?what could they be possiblely be feeling for a woman that they cheated on?and I know I am a dam good catch.but cheating is the problem.i don't want to feel like I have to cheat on every man that I am with because of pass men. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): Maybe because you have a reputation for loosely sleeping around, they think if they're at a loose end and in need of a quick sexual fix they can turn to you and you will oblige them?
My answer isn't intended to be horrible (And I'm sure you have heard worse), but I'd have to be desperate or the kind of guy to just sleep with anyone, to give a woman that cheated on me the satisfaction of seeing my number pop up on her phone screen again.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (26 August 2012):
Why do they call you? Why do you cheat? Why did they cheat? I'm sure life in this circle has become abnormal but this the path all of you chose. We all have choices to be made in life, they made theirs and you made yours. No one was forced to cheat.
I suppose it is a trap you've set. Based on what you said, it would sound like some of these men had to work hard in order to be with you. I feel like by the time they've realized what they really wanted, it turns into them cheating on you. You've come to their level as well by cheating. So I think with all the time invested it becomes a "hey let's hook up because we are on the same level". Whether that means sex or a mental level isn't for me to say. Everyone has their own agenda.
I guess you had bad luck with men but you did do some cheating as well. Accepting the past is important to moving on. The choices we have made and and continue to make define who we are in life. It doesn't matter if they call you or not. It matters what you choose to do. I would say, try to make some right choices this time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Yes I see all the feedback and it's very understandable like I said when you are young and naive these are the situations that you go through only when you allow it.I started out young dating so I really didn't realize what it was about only thing I could see was these men hurting me and I was going to return it all back.Now that I am grown I have changed my ways I am working on( me time) I working on my life with and on open mind I haven't been sexual in nine years I take care of my family and just live life to the fullest.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (26 August 2012):
 I lost sight of your questions with all my blathering.
What do these men see in you and why do they come back for more? A bitter woman who is naive enough to believe she has the power and is punishing them by using them for sex. They keep coming back because they believe you'll keep giving them what they want.
Have you heard that old joke about the young boy who tricks a young girl into showing him her underwear by paying her to do cartwheels? Her mother warns her what the boy is really up to and the next day the girl comes home and proudly tells her mother how she foiled him? 'I tricked him, mommy. Today I wasn't wearing any underwear!'
That's kind of what you're doing with the sex and these men.
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (26 August 2012):
I understand you resent being perceived as an easy lay, but you did ask for our opinions. Without trying to be judgmental your screen name and your 'proud' history of dealing with men 'financially, sexually and mentally' does leave one with certain impressions.
The grammar in this post is very poor, which makes it a bit confusing, but I'll do my best.
First, when you say you cheated and were cheated on, do you mean you retaliated against the men who cheated on you by cheating on them? Or that you punished future lovers for the sins of past lovers?
In a way you're like a wounded animal whose blood trail is being picked up by every predator in the area. Rough childhood? If you had been cheated on once, I would say it was him. Being cheated on several times suggests the root of the problem is you. Specifically the men you seem to attract and be drawn to.
You've been hurt and you tried to secure your safety by ingratiating yourself with or emulating the only 'powerful' role models you had - predators. You're trying to rent other people's power (using sex as a currency) instead of creating your own that you can use free of charge.
Self respect must be earned by you, just as respect for others must be earned by them. If you want to think highly of yourself then you must behave in a way that you can be proud of. Not allowing others to mistreat you (you cannot control what they do, but you can control what you'll tolerate), being honest and direct about what you do and don't want, delaying short term gratification for long term reward and treating others the way you WANT to be treated (not how you fear you'll be treated) are some of the ways in which you can earn your self respect.
Think of someone you truly respect and admire (an aunt, a grandmother, anyone). Then do the things they do that have earned your respect and admiration.
Maybe once you reach this level of recovery, you'll gain new insight into why you made the choices you made.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): If you're offended by suggestions that you're an easy lay, maybe you should choose a screen name other than "Sexy Gwen."
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A
female
reader, Sexy Gwen +, writes (26 August 2012):
Sexy Gwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMr.grymsoul let me let you in on something for one I am not easy the first guy we were in a relationship for many years I was with him for 15 years . I was thirteen when I met him.He cheated on me.So I met the second guy was with him for several years he cheated on me and so on and so fourth you can't call me easy I just make wrong choices in men.i have been hurt but I do t want to carry this with me for the rest of my life I am human to.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (26 August 2012):
 They don't care if you're a cheater. And no, it is not love that they're feeling. To them you are an easy lay . You are the side girl who will put out because you don't have any respect for yourself. They miss you because they miss the sex.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (26 August 2012):
Because they want to have sex with you.
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