A
female
age
26-29,
*oveMeNena
writes:Hey there! I'd more so like to ask of other perspectives about my situation rather than ask what to do. It starts with this guy, "Dan", I am head over heels for. I am 18 and he is 22. (I'm only mentioning this for detailed purposes as age has no significance to me.) We started talking when I was 16, as friends, and I grew attached to him and we eventually started going out. I was in college at the time, I graduated school early, so he wasn't aware of my young age. When I told him he simply said he would like to meet my parents so they don't think he's some creep and we can move on. Great, sounded perfect to me. I talked to my parents and, of course, they weren't so pleased with the idea. The cops were involved and he told me he would stay by my side until I reached the ripe age of 18. I stayed with my aunt for a while where I saw him almost daily but we both knew it would come to an end soon because I was going to go stay with my dad for the summer. He lives six hours away from my hometown. Dan assured me that we would still be together and that we could stick it through. After a month of staying with my dad he called it quits. His reasoning being that the distance was too hard and he missed me. Didn't make sense to me much considering I had told him countless times I would leave sooner if he wanted me too. We talked still after that but I soon ended the talking to nothing. It was too hard for me to talk to someone I love when we were only friends. I started chatting to this other fellow, Brad, a while after. He and I lasted for just two months shy of a year. He was an old friend of mine so I knew him since childhood. Meanwhile, Dan and I would talk on and off throughout my relationship with Brad. Nothing too serious, more like "Hey, what's up?" kind of conversations. While things with me and Brad had been going downhill me and Dan had been talking more and more. I broke up with Brad a few months ago. I wouldn't say it was because of Dan but he definitely had an influence. Dan and I got back together and I felt happy, I truly did, but it felt like something was missing. Not knowing what I tried to talk to him about it and he got almost offended. But in the end got down on one knee, looked me in the eyes and told me he loves me. The next day I found out that Brads dad was in the hospital cause he was really sick. Of course I went to support him. I don't hate brad I still care for him. Dan found out and was upset. When I told him I still cared for Brad he broke up with me. I gave him some time alone and tried talking to him a few days later. Explaining to him that although I care for Brad I'm in love with him. He said we can take things slow, which is better than nothing so I agreed happily. Now things seem distant. He doesn't talk to me or see me as much as he used to. I'm always the one to initiate the conversation and keep it going. I tried not texting him or starting any conversation at all so he could start it but we ended up not talking for three days. I'm afraid I lost him.. What do you think?
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male
reader, mistermann  +, writes (27 August 2012):
It sounds to me like you never properly got over Dan and in a way felt like you had unfinished business. It certainly was strange how things ended the first time.
You've obviously just come out of a relationship with Brad and you did the right thing, probably without much though of doing otherwise, by visiting his dad in hospital.
Just because you have ended a relationship with somebody, doesn't mean that that relationship never existed. It seems to me like Dan doesn't realise that and maybe has difficulty dealing with the fact that you were in another relationship.
The first time round, Dan seemed to give up a little bit too easily. The second time round, it seems like Dan has given up a little bit too easily once again. You have to work at any relationship, but it seems to me like Dan either has unrealistic expectations or doesn't really want to work at anything.
You said you didn't really want to ask what to do, so I've just given you my opinion. Hope this gives you a different perspective.
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