A
male
age
36-40,
*immypickle
writes:I am very distressed as my girlfriend and i don't have sex very often anymore. we are both 22 and we have been together for just over 4 years, we moved in together about a year ago. for the first two or three years the sex was great at least three to four times a week and usually every time we did it she would orgasm at LEAST 3-4 times over the hours of foreplay and sex. i know this because we were always open and because i didn't want to let her down, so badly in fact that i promised my self that i would pleasure her as often as she would allow. a few times we even managed to make her orgasms reach 14 in a row. but of late she has been avoiding sex and especially oral sex which I'm usually too happy to give. she was never, without being mean, amazing but it was always nice,there was one time though, it was amazing (it even aroused her to the point she couldn't hold back) like the best I've ever had is was awesome and i told her again and again but despite saying she would do it like that every time she now says she cant remember how or what she did. anyway back to the not wanting me anymore,every time i come onto her she just wants to cuddle or the opposite and push me away and i get left feeling un-fulfilled and hurt like I've done something wrong or that Im not good enough anymore. she tells me that she thinks Im really sexy and that she loves and wants me but that its me that im too horny too often and that she cant keep up. and quite often when we're together she completely ignores my body we had a shower one day and got to saying stuff just teasing she said she would go down on me if i wanted and so we got out of the shower and by the time i came into the living room she was fully clothed and i got sorta depressed i sat on the couch and started to dress myself she sensed i was upset so came over sat on my lap ignored my, arousal and got distracted by my hair telling me she loved how it is curly... i don't know what i've done but i need some advise please anything would be appreciated i really love her i hope this message does'nt portray me as a sex hungry maniac or some sort of pig but sex is and always will be important to me and any relationship i have i fell this more so for my partner if she dose'nt orgasm and enjoy it then i don't period my every aim has always been to make her orgasm always this is also why im so distraught by this. thanks guys.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 July 2010):
When a woman goes off sex but wants hugs, that usually means 1 of two things.
1 - She thinks that all you care about is sex, and perhaps other parts of your relationship need working on.
2 - Something else is bothering her right now such as work, or a friendship or something.
Your girlfriend seems to be wanting reassurance from you for whatever reason. Sex is important, but people won't just have sex for the sake of it, even if it's in a relationship. She probably does want you sexually, but that means nothing if she feels all you want is sex and nothing else, or if there is something that's making her unhappy elsewhere. It sounds to me like maybe you're focusing too much on the lack of sex and blaming yourself, and not looking at other reasons. So, I'd suggest looking at your relationship as a whole and seeing where it can be tweaked, such as more dates, more fun, more being together without having to pressure her about sex. Also make sure she's happy in other parts of your relationship as well. Take time looking at what else the problems could be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): I had this same problem with the person iv been with for 4 years too only it was me who wanted it more than my boyfriend. It was so frustration and made me question if he was still attracted to me. We had been having problems in our relationship though and i know that can be a cause for a lower interest in sex for some. Has there been problems in your relationship? Also like you, i believe sex is very important aswell so i had a really serious talk with him and told him it felt as though we were just frends and it was making me unsure if i wanted to continue to be in the relationship. After that he made way more of an effort and the problems we had been having went away for the most part, now were back on track with our sex life. Try having a serious talk with her about why you guys dont have sex as much as you used to and ask her if its because of you or if its more because of something going on with herself like a personal issue. Just tell her that whatever it is you want to try and fix it.
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