A
male
age
30-35,
*amhamss
writes:Ok, this one is long and complicated. I'm really taking a breakup very badly. It was technically my fault. My ex and I were arguing and at one point I said,'I just don't know anymore' and she said that i wanted to break up, I told her I didn't know if I did or not, and she said that I meant that I did, It turns out i didn't. Well, I said some terrible things she's forgiven me for when I was trying to get back with her. Things are tough for her since she's moving out and I feel like I need to help her. she doesn't want to get back together though and I'm getting obsessive. I don't like admitting it, but I can't stop bothering her, and I'm getting really upset, I can't get her off my mind. I shouldn't get back with her even if I wanted to because she has done some terrible things in most of her relationships. She's broken many hearts before, and unfortunately, mine is now on the list. She can be a liar and a manipulator and I don't even know when she's lying to me, she doesn't have any tells. I can't stop thinking about her and i'm getting scared I'll do something i'm going to regret.I talked to other people about it, and they say it's normal, but they don't know my problem with attachment. I can get overly attached for long periods of time, even years. i don't want her to be one of those things that I just get crazy and depressed for years.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (3 July 2008):
 If you're serious about wanting to get over this woman there are a couple of books that will help you. They are based on a psychological technique called behavior modification, and they deal with "how to fall OUT of love" and "breaking your addiction to a person". Look them up on Amazon or a local bookstore. I think they are less than $10 each.
The techniques really DO help you get over someone you're really stuck on and just can't get out of your mind. I was dumped, after two terrific years, by a woman who I thought of hundreds of times a day and would have done ANYTHING to get back with. Those books helped me break the cycle, to the point that now (15 months later) she and I can even be friends without my feeling a need to have her as a lover any more. But that was tough.
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