A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There's this guy I've known for a long time. We were going to pursue a relationship. The problem is he has a high sex drive and I'm a virgin at 22. He's alot older and he's 28. The fact I'm a virgin - it's a issue to him. I want to take my time and wait until I'm ready. He can't understand why I'm not ready. Anyway we decided not to take it further. He decided to get back with his ex as she can give him everything, i.e what he wants and needs. I can't help but feel insecure and inadequate. I keep comparing myself to her.Thanks for your help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): He's not an ass, he's just honest.
But that doesn't mean you would be a good match with him though. He feels differently about sex than you do, and it's not your duty to change anything about your sexual choices over him. You don't owe him that. Nor anyone else you're in a relationship with.
If he really wanted you enough then he would tolerate a little drop in sex life for a while. But it sounds like he's being honest that he only wants you enough to date you if you'll sleep with him right now.
So move on.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): he is an ass- but maybe he just a complex himself! he just dont know women and sex!
now the next guy that comes along- he maybe a nice guy that will give you alot of leighway, but if you are going to be twice as insecure now that would suck for him.
but your setting yourself up for someone who will be strong for you and want you big time- you have enough respect for yourself this is a good quality that some guys notice- just tell them to take it very slow with you and make it clear you will open up once you feel truly comfortable and your needs are met-
alot of guys are suspecious and wont believe you. alot of guy will put you under pressure though some women cave becuase they take it as a sign that its a love thing (which it can be) get a guy to talk to your punani before he decides to go in- keep doing it until he can state his intentions in some form or another- becuase if her can get that out and he will take the time to try then he is getting at something about a sence he has of you and not just another feeling which could be purely sexual and mixed with insecurity.
once you crack a guy in such a way the you can help him to relax- communicate (he might not be good at this) and finally take it slow and experiment.
remember mr right surely not neccessarily gonna be the one knocking at the door to your palace but if your not sexually experienced dont expect many guys in the "i can provide the needs catagory" to be patient. you dont want to get drawn into a long period of no sex coz the wind can change and it can get more difficult-
maybe find a sex partner who is not too attached and a chilled out (chilled out) sexy guy that the other women miss.
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (6 August 2008):
 IF he can't wait for you to feel ready for sex at the the right moment then he is a LOSER! Ditch him. If a man truely respected you they would never pressure you to have sex or make you feel low about yourself. Find a real man who will treat you well and make you feel like a gem. He will proberly do the same to his ex and whatever girl he meets next so dont feel shes better off then you.
Dont waste your time on this guy! Plenty more fish in the sea....and ones who will treat you like a queen!
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A
female
reader, kadeebug  +, writes (6 August 2008):
dont compair yourself to her infact you should consider yourself better than her because you are a virgin and if he cant respect that you dont want to an you want to wait than he is not the guy for you hunni you set you boundaires high and you know what that is good and you know what you should keep it that way with your strength you will go far and i just want to say i am proud of you and you find yourself a man that will respect you for your vaules and not push you to do things you dont want to do dont lower your standers for anyone
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (6 August 2008):
Darling you are worth SO much more then this guy!!
Seriously, he is being insensitive to your feelings and disrespecting you.
Its ok that you are a virgin. In fact, its not just 'ok', its great! It means you are waiting for the right guy and the right time. Believe me, having sex with someone who isnt willing to wait till you are ready is a big mistake. People who do that arent the type to stick around when the times get tough. When they dont get what they want in one min, they are out of there. When there is some problem they will run away too! Because they arent prepared to truly commit (althoug they may say they are) and be in it for the long run and deal with what serious relaitonships deal with.
Dont feel insecure and inadequate because you 'cant give him sex'. Feel strong and amazing that you didnt give into something you werent comfortable with yet just to please a guy who probably wouldnt stick around in the long run.
A true decent, loving guy would wait round. Hes just not that guy. Be happy that you know now what hes like...better to know now then 8 years down the track when you are married with 3 kids.
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A
female
reader, desperate_angel +, writes (6 August 2008):
 hi there, this is only my opinion since we are brought up in entirely different race (im from the east). we are in the modern age but of course for you its very important to give it to someone who really deserves. somebody you will trust and love. i know this sounds funny..but its the greatest gift you could give to your hubby to be in the near future. be patient remember patient is a virtue. but if you think your already in the right age then why not. Mostly men of course like virgins like you and they would respect you. As ive told you we are in the modern age, no matter who you are or what you are if the guy really loves you he will wait and respect your decision. god bless!
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