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I can't give up the fantasy of a fairy tale ending.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Health, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 February 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 15 February 2018)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

The fear of being alone had led me to be alone - I have searched everywhere for a mate - online - bars - events - charity - church and nothing - when they have come out of the blue they have only made me miserable and empty- but I kept them just so I couldn’t be alone until well they screwed me over

I want to surrender this idea- I’m alone and lonely - I haven’t been with anyone in a long time and I still seek it. I want to know what love feels like . These men have not loved me - they have been there because I was obedient - convenient - and a doormat

I almost married one of them until I was in a class/therapy group and one of the gentleman could sense my loneliness -he picked it out and Indirectly made me leave him-I sometimes wonder if I will ever meet a man like that again.. I couldn’t say anything because he was taken but it took someoen two months to figure out I was lonely and my bf at the time 5 Years to never see me

I want to give up on all of this though- -the fantasy of a man loving me and the fairy tale ending

How can I ?i want to give all this hope and daydream up - it’s only making me race with time

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A female reader, Starlights United Kingdom + , writes (15 February 2018):

Starlights agony auntThe fairytale fantasy comes from society. We see fairytale endings in movies and constantly being told that we are only worthy and loveable if others love us in return. The truth is that its ok to have the fantasy , its ok to be alone and happy too. Also know that potential partners can sense desperation in someone who is living in fear of loneliness and that can repel potential partners! I think you need to accept your situation and enjoy being single again without closing yourself off to future relationships. Someone qualified can help you deal with the underlying issues which have led to your fear of loneliness.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (14 February 2018):

I don't know what your financial-situation is like; but have you considered hiring a life-coach?

You might want to do some research and read some reviews from former clients; and give that some consideration.

You've exhausted practically every avenue; but there's something that seriously needs fixing. I know it's tough and sometimes prospects dry-up. You're batting zero at every turn. That means you need some work, my dear. If you live in a very small town, there may not be much of a dating-pool; and perhaps you may need to relocate to a larger city.

A life-coach can evaluate your lifestyle, and help you work-out a plan for upgrading and improving just about every aspect of your life.

I sense you're giving-up and you probably hit a lot of snags; because you settled or lowered your standards for men. You've lost confidence in yourself. You certainly could use an attitude adjustment; because you're becoming bitter and a little cynical. Maybe you just feel defeated? Then give yourself a break.

Most people come to DC with problems they have with other people; but sometimes you've got to work on yourself too.

You have to be a work in-progress all of your life.

You have to look at life thought the eyes of an adult. Stop fantasizing that being married brings a happy-ending; and being single is solitary confinement. Do you read the posts from totally unhappy married-women with with children? Having a husband or boyfriend doesn't end your sorrows or turn your life into a fairy-tale. With love comes all the problems and complications as well. It's not all lovey-dovey!

Valentine's Day should be eradicated! It depresses single-women!

If you're miserable and frustrated, and you do happen to find a great-guy. What's he getting out of the deal?

You have to learn to appreciate your own company and independence. Use your down-time for self-improvement, travel, exploring, and enlightenment.

Being single isn't isolation, unless you don't actually know how to appreciate life and do things that excite you and enrich your own life. If you're on a constant mission to snag a man; and devote all your time to a perpetual-manhunt. You've worn yourself to a frazzle. You've got tunnel-vision.

Then it's time to abort the mission for now. You haven't done much to make YOURSELF happy.

The sexist-implication that the majority of all men are just no-good; and women are all wonderful blameless creatures being victimized by the male-gender just isn't true. The world is densely populated. You've also got to have something on the ball; before you go searching for the best.

Most people I know, including myself, had to search for awhile before someone right for us came along. When you give-up, you'll miss your chance. You have to stay the course. keep doing what you're doing until it bears fruit.

Have some fun! Find other interests! Go on a cruise with your friends.

Treasure isn't just lying around for the taking. It's hidden and requires a patient search to find it. Good-men and good-women are like precious jewels; and they aren't available to just anybody. They are special blessings that are joined with those who have properly prepared for them. Destiny decides when it's your time to find each other, and when you're ready for it.

In the meantime; give yourself time to rest, enjoy life, and the fruits of your labors. Travel, giveback to society, help your community, and make friends.

Do you ever generally find joy in being young, healthy, and free? Just celebrate being alive? Make other people happy?

If all you do is manhunt and worry about your biological-clock, life is never fun or enjoyable. It's miserable and empty; only because you haven't found a husband and pushed out kids yet. Maybe your blessings have dried-up; because you haven't been grateful for what you do have.

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