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He's driving me crazy, how do I get him out without involving courts or police?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 February 2018) 7 Answers - (Newest, 14 February 2018)
A female United States age 36-40, *lannahsparrow writes:

I'm back again with another question. I asked my last question in Novemeber, long story short, I was asking why I didn't want to marry my fiance, and I got most answered that suggested talking to him. So I did a few weeks later and told him I didn't want to marry him, because I felt as if we had a lot if issues to work through. I suggested counselling, but he wouldn't go, that wasn't a big surprise. Turns out we have more issues than I thought. The first one being money and that he thinks our money should be combined at all times and I don't agree with that because I know he isn't very responsible with money and I've had to bail him out of financial situations numerous times. Second he thinks I should put his name on my property where we live together, I don't want to do that either because it's property I have worked and paid for. If he wanted to purchase some property together I would be willing to do that with both of our names on it, but when I mentioned it, I was told I just didn't want him to have anything and that I was selfish and maybe I am. But I'm starting to get the idea maybe I'm getting taken advantage of. Since the I don't want to get married conversation, he has been very tense and argumentative about just about everything, sometimes I find myself wishing I had just kept quite, because now i don't want to be with him at all. And I don't know how to get him out of my life now. He said the absolute only way that he would ever leave is if I cheat. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. I told him I don't cheat but that I thought he needed to find his own place to live. That I can't be with him anymore. He won't leave. Now he is being overly nice and acts like nothing is wrong. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I'm open to suggestions on how to handle things, I don't want to hurt him because I care about him as a person but he is driving me crazy. I need help being gentle with him but also firm and get him out without involving the police and courts. Please help.

View related questions: fiance, money

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2018):

Jesus Christ, lady. Just tell him to hit the road or you'll kick him out. You can't worry about his feelings when you tell him to get lost, but don't care about them when you're together. Grow some balls and tell him to take a hike.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2018):

Does he work? If so you both leave for work the same day .. but you come back and change the locks .. sounds harsh but you ain't his mama . Let his parents pick him up . Call them and explain that all his stuff is being packed and you will on my allow him in with a officer present . You have no agreement with him . He's not entitled to anything..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2018):

Change the door locks when he is out and if he tries to break in call the police.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2018):

Just lie and tell him you cheated.Look he said the only way he would leave is if you cheated.let him think you did.You do not owe him anything.He is what we call a moocher He will just move on to the next victim oh I mean girlfriend.He is only useing you why would you put up with it?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2018):

This guy sounds like a leech who wants to marry to gain your property and this is why he's mad and it seems won't leave because he doesn't want financial responsible he wants you to do every thing and really what is he bringing to this relationship. You have to say a date by which he must leave if not you get the police there's no other way. It is safer with the police tbh

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntIF he is living with you, you HAVE to go down to the courthouse and fill out an eviction notice. It won't INVOLVE him in a court-case per se, UNLESS he refuses to move out and then you REALLY only have one recourse and that is to have the police escort him off your property.

He can't MAKE you cheat. And there is no guarantee that even if you did, that he would move out.

I get that you don't want to make waves or drama or "hurt" his feelings but you have to put on your big girl panties and GET ON with it!

Which means - GO the legal route. You CAN try and give him 14/30 days to move out but my guess is he isn't going to do it and he KNOWS you don't want to be "mean" to him.

HAVING him evicted in NOT being mean, OP

You have already told him it's over and that he needs to move out. HE is ignoring you. SO you HAVE to take the next step which is the LEGAL step and EVICT him.

Right now he is ACTUALLY a squatter in your home! Think about it.

And stop being such a push over, OP.

The relationship is over. You DODGED a bullet in ending it and NOT marrying him, now stop pussyfooting around and GET him out. So YOU both can move on.

He isn't made of glass. He isn't some fragile flower. He is FULL on taking advantage of you being afraid to take further steps. Because you don't want to be "mean".

You are a grown lady, OP - time to do what GROWN people do. Don't just roll over and let him decide YOUR life and future.

In most states you DO NOT need to hire a lawyer for this, you just go down to the courthouse and get the ball rolling. BUT do check your state and the laws. DO THIS by the book.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (13 February 2018):

chigirl agony auntTell him you break up with him. And that he needs to leave. There is no staying together and living separately in this case. End it.

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