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I can't figure him out. Is he a real GIGOLO as he says, what's up with him?

Tagged as: Health, Sex, Three is a crowd, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 September 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 21 September 2011)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have a male friend with whom first were co-workers now just friends. I was his confidant when his Girlfriend dumped him 6 months ago, so I know he's still very hurt. He's been a BIG flirt with the ladies so he's always telling me he's having some friends with benefits.

The other night we were chatting on our Blackberries messengers when as a joke we started sending pictures of ourselves, we ended up sending NAKED pictures and masturbated each other to the point of cumming. We now do this once a week so I guess I ended up being one of HIS girls.

The other day we got to talk and I asked him how were HIS ladies he talks about and he said He didn't want anything serious, but when he's masturbating with me he says he wants to DO me hard and that he likes me ( I guess is the excitement) but I'm confused that when he says he's a ladies man he says he wants to have sex with me and then he avoids me when I touch the subject. Then he said to me WHEN HE HAS TIME he sees this other ladies, what up is he for real a GIGOLO as he says, what's up with him? I'm puzzled!!

I'm a girl alright and even though I told him I wanted just sex he seems to play hard to get and is it only with me? What should I do to take him off those girls then?

View related questions: co-worker, flirt, friend with benefits, nude pictures

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (21 September 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt This may sound cruel, but... I think you have even less chances than the other girls, if any. Because at least, with them, when he has time, he bothers to show up in person, I.e., get dressed, walk to the door, get into his car, etc.etc. With you, all he's got to do is lounging aat home in his boxers or PJs, and give you a call, you'll get him off pronto.

This is not a moral judgement- you are consenting adults having fun. But it's convenient, low maintenace fun and I think this maybe part of the appeal for him.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (21 September 2011):

Ciar agony auntThe truth is you don't want 'just sex'. You want an exclusive relationship and you're trying to bait him with sex hoping it will lead to one. He knows that which is why he's keeping you at a safe distance.

The way to 'get him off those other girls' was to distinguish yourself from them by not being another sexual outlet. Had you resisted temptation you might have had a chance later on. Now he probably thinks all that support you offered him during his break up was just you trying to manoeuvering him into a relationship.

Regardless of how often he flirts with you and tells you he wants you, he has also made it clear, by word and deed, that he isn't ready to make a commitment. If you don't want to be one of 'HIS girls' then treat him the way you'd treat any platonic friend or be prepared to move on.

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