A
female
age
41-50,
*orried one
writes:Hi I'm new to this it's my first ever time asking anyone for help really, I feel you you as I am in a situation like it :-(I have been with my husband for 15 years he was my first boyfriend we have kids together and everything was ok really until last year when he would upset me when we were out together by commenting on other womens boobs etc.. Then later on say it was a joke!And he looks at women while we are out together so don't feel like he's really with me, I found out in April he had been downloading porn because I found it on his mobile and we had a long talk and he said he had been watching it for about a year usually about 3 times a week, but when I have been asking for sex he says he's tired etc.. I pleasure him everytime we have sex but in the whole time we've been together he has only given me pleasure about 3 times and he doesn't really touch my boobs or any areas really! I can walk around naked and he doesn't bat an eyelid!I haven't changed much since we met I am slim and in shape in fact I think I look better now as I have grown my hair really long and workout but it makes me feel so unattractive I don't know what to do.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 July 2014):
 Hmmm, If my wife started walking around naked I'd think she had lost her everlovin mind and call the doctor. If you're looking to turn him on that might not be the best way.It might turn me on but I'm not your husband. There are other issues rather than what you are expessing here aren't there?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2014): Thanks everyone I tried to talk to him the night before last and again he said it was all in my head and even if he flirted with other women etc.. He was coming home to me I was in shock and couldn't sleep all night I was so upset so the next day I told him I couldn't live with the not being able to ask him things, and worrying what he would and wouldn't do when he was out so asked him to leave.
Then I went out for a long walk to have a think, while I was out he was texting me constantly and begging me not to go and finally saying how much he loved me and wanted me and he had been so stupid.
We had a really open talk and he actually broke down and told me everything that he was feeling unattractive, even though I was telling him I thought he looked amazing he said he looked in the mirror and didn't see the man he was he is only 38 but he said because he has lost most of his hair he just didn't feel like the man he was, I hugged him for hours and we just sat & talked and he promised he wouldn't be overly flirty with other women because it hurts me so fingers crossed I'm hoping we will be ok :)
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (10 July 2014):
Could be medical reasons; prostate issues, ed, depression,etc. Talk about it. It's not you. It's just an issue that's solvable. Hang in there!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 July 2014):
 As this has been happening only in the last year then perhaps consider that he's feeling his age and his sexual life diminishing. Has there been an issue with him being able to keep an erection? That could have taken the wind out of his sails, so to speak.
You could walk around naked for a year, you have been with him for 15 years and there's no mystery there. Instead of walking around naked, I would take long luxurious baths and put on silky negligees and make him work for it. If he wants to see you naked he'll have to make an effort.
But it's a pleasurable effort, you will have to balance that. If he wants to love on his live slim willing wife then he's going to have to put in some adoration effort.
You are lovely and beautiful and deserve lovely and beautiful sexy loving! Just as he is handsome and deserves lovely sexy loving as well!
And unless he has a mental impairment then he is capable of not commenting on women's boobs in your presence. If this inability to control his comments continues i would seriously have him evaluated for a neurologic issue.
Assuming he has full control over his faculties then I would make it very clear that commenting on other women's assets is no longer acceptable nor does it lead to sexy loving; in fact it prevents happy sexy oral sex times.
I think some men need to have it spelled out. Going on about another woman's sexy bits does the opposite of turning me on. It turns me off and makes me cranky and angry. You don't need an advanced degree to realize that.
I go back again to this being a recent development in the relationship. What else is going on?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2014): Looking at other women in a natural way is one thing, ogling and commenting on their boobs, either random women or your friends is another and totally unacceptable imo.
There is no way he isn't aware of this, he is just stonewalling you and refusing to discuss the issue by trying to pretend it doesn't exist and reflecting blame back on you.
Trust your gut on this, when we think something is wrong/up it usually is.
Maybe counseling will help? I would definitely give him a taste of his own medicine. Start staring at men, comment on their body parts to him, debate possible penis size etc. I'm sure he will get the point if you do that just once.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2014): He's a straight man. How is he supposed to stop "looking" at other women?
You're insecure, and I think that is what all this is about.
First it was porn, now it's other women. You're going at him persistently; because you read everything he does as wanting someone else. Reread my post and the advice of others.
Let some of it sink in, perhaps later on when you're not so hell-bent on controlling your husband's eyes and thoughts. You've driven him out of your bedroom and have him sleeping on the couch. I also think you need to reread your subsequent comments.
I don't believe this is all about men ( including your husband) wanting something other than what they have. You have "porn-envy" and you're a mess about it. You can't read his mind, now you're obsessing with insecurity it's all about other women. If that's so, then get a divorce and give your mind some rest.
I don't recommend the advice to flirt with other men in retaliation. If you feel that's what it takes to correct your problems, you may as well divorce and find another man.
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A
female
reader, Worried one +, writes (8 July 2014):
Worried one is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everyone for your help :)
I'm still feeling very wary as my husband has said tonight that he doesn't think he can stop looking at women as he doesn't realise he's doing it! And everytime I talk to him he gets defensive and either calls me or shuts me down :-/ about 4 years ago there was a few issues with a women kissing him as she left only a quick peck on the mouth but still seemed wrong to me then he comment to a women that we know about how her boobs wet very noticeable but he doesn't think there's anything wrong with that and it's me that has the trust issues and then says i am hurting his feelings by not trusting him but I said I would never do anything like that to hurt him! Then he goes downstairs to sleep as he doesn't want to talk anymore :( I really don't know what else to do
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2014): You don't mention your husband's age, but I will assume you're both in the same age-group. You are experiencing what all couples experience at some point in their relationships. There will be a time when there is a lull in the romance department. When porn is discovered in the mix.
You have already reached out to your husband and opened-up about the way you feel. By doing this, you are not relying on what your fears tell you, but what he tells you. Bear in mind, this will be a consistent process throughout your lifetime together. Not something you chat about and gets resolved over-night. It's something you continue to work on over the long-haul. You're still young, and yet to learn this. We learned this while still in our 30's. We had a good foundation to start from. Our parents.
Your husband is now aware. That obligates him to take steps to please the woman who dedicated her life to him, and gave him his children. You're not just a girlfriend. You are his partner for life. You deserve to receive the same amount of pleasure he does from making-love. You deserve affection and attention; or you may as well had remained single. I fully understand how you feel, he should return the favor in regard to oral sex. I didn't feel right asking my lover to do thinks he didn't like. I performed without complaints; even if it wasn't my cup of tea.
That's just me. My 28 years were not wasted.
No, I didn't want to do everything my partner wanted. He didn't like everything I wanted. We simply exchanged one for the other to compromise. If he wanted so and so; then I wanted this and that. If neither could do it, it just didn't happen.
I confess that often I'd gave in, because that's the kind a guy I am. I like sex too much to quibble and kill the mood! I love pleasing my lover so much that I didn't dwell on his shortcomings. Pardon me; but my head wasn't full of why he wasn't keeping the score even according to what I read in the last publication of Cosmos. If you go through married-life always measuring and weighing things on a scale tit-for-tat, you'll ruin your marriage. You have a right to expect reciprocation for what you give. Measure not by quantity but by quality. If you like oral sex so much and you're so deprived of it; how did your marriage survive 15 years? You're just building your case by stacking your complaints. You just don't like competing with porn.
My partner made something apparent to me that I was totally over-looking. I too, felt he was sometimes too cerebral and very closed-off. Not taking into account how he was raised as one of five boys in his family. He had to be tough and not over-emotional. He didn't want anyone to know he was gay; so he over-compensated, and worked twice as hard to mold himself into what he thought his father expected him to be. So, he wasn't always lovey-dovey; but he showed his feelings in other ways and he was quite sincere. The little things he'd do, were profound in meaning and chocked full of love. It didn't seem that way, but they had the effect of building in significance as you think about them. He had a gift for that. I've stolen that from him. I admired that trait so much, I just have to have it as my own.
If you don't look at how you are treated as a whole, you will over-look subtle ways he goes out of his way to make you feel special. That is where YOU take HIM for granted. Maybe he isn't like the guys you read about in the magazines, or he's not himself from 15 years ago. He does things you may smile about and just dismiss; because you considered them insignificant but "cute."
If you add them up, and actually appreciate them and not totally dismiss them during your disappointment, you'll have a different outlook. I did. I didn't wait until he was dead and buried. I fully realized them; while he was alive and kicking, and still getting on my nerves.
He was constantly doing very loving and wonderful things that seemed small at the time. They were persistent and scattered about. That's how he dished it out. There were long dry spells; then when it rained...it poured! My dad's work is well-done; because I know how to appreciate those things. I place value where is belongs. I didn't search for things to put him down. Instead, I built him up.
Now when I look back with the right type of attitude and unselfishly, I realize the tremendous amount of effort and love he put into our relationship.
If he hadn't, I wouldn't have felt the profound grief I felt when cancer took him away from me. Tears of joy rise in my eyes to write this to you. It is not reminiscence through rose-colored lenses; but looking back as a mature person who has learned how to appreciate my many blessings.
I also learned that partnerships flourish when we don't point fingers; but strengthen our bond by clasping fingers and holding hands. We don't always get love poured out in the way we want it packaged, it comes as our partner's design it in their hearts. You can still make him get rid of all the porn, but you'll still have work to do.
My parents taught me most of what I know, from setting an example. I have a foundation to build on, when I enter a relationship. It is guaranteed to work; because I've used it and passed it on to others. I've seen it put into practice.
My dad lost my mother to a brain tumor when my youngest brother was only two, and I was about 17. All he did from that point, was show his sons how to be loving and close to whomever they chose to be their mate. Including me, who came out to him after college. He loved me too much to not want me to have all that he had received, and felt so fortunate to have. He wanted me to be happy, have love in my life, and wanted me to be good to the person who gave me their heart. I did, and I still do.
My beautiful mom who loved and cherished us so much, she'd go without a decent winter coat to give us things we needed when they were struggling financially. Nights she stayed up soothing my dad when he was worried about the bills, and work was dogging him. He realized and praised what my mother did do; that could have just been dismissed or overlooked; if he only worried about what he didn't get.
He never got to see my mother grow older. She looked much younger than 42, and being a lady chasing toddlers and kids all day, she maintained a tiny petite frame and never put on weight. He used to tell her to stuff herself at the table, or the wind would blow her away!
If sex isn't a perfect 50/50; then be creative and find things you like that can make up for the things you don't get.
I can't emphasize enough, that you must concentrate on the other things he does sexually that are really hot. I will not get graphic; but I never submit to sex and finish unfulfilled. I'm greedy, so I can put a lot of pressure on a lover! So I use the extra energy to knock their socks off.
There is usually a second round the next morning to please me; because all they can think about is what I did beyond the call. Wink! Wink!
Furthermore; if you don't like doing oral sex, don't do it.
Fingers substitute for tongues.
Porn is not the only source of the problems in your marriage. By nature; men are creatures wired to be visual and to desire multiple partners. As higher life-forms, we know that we don't just yield to our primal urges or give in to any random impulse. There are impulses we must keep under control, and there are values we must have in order to set good examples for our children. We have a moral obligation to behave out of love and respect for our committed partners.
Explain to your husband that you do want him to make you feel desirable and appealing. If he doesn't show it, you will not know how he feels. You are left wondering; and that could leave you feeling less for him. Trust me, that will make an impact on what he thinks. It is not a threat, it is the truth. Your whole post screams it.
Then look for all the signs to improve without taking out your pad and checklist. Feel it from your heart, not simply to keep score. I know this is repetitive; but it just isn't always perfectly 50/50. That is the goal, but not always possible.
You also have to remember, although the scale may seem to be tipping in his favor. If you use your wits, you'll catch up. Tally all the good stuff he has given you that you wrote off as small and insignificant. We only see the big things, we take small things for granted. That's human nature. Come up with surprises in the bedroom, and give him something to look forward to. Sometimes it's your job to make it better. Not just his. Don't just assume you've done everything you possibly can. That's impossible. Use some imagination. His response may wow you!
Don't leave it all up to him to have all the ideas. If he doesn't like oral sex with you, then find something else you like as much. Keep on complaining and it may all dry-up. You can't force him to like oral sex on you.
How pleasurable is it to look down and see him frowning and gagging? If you don't like giving him a bj, I challenge you to compare the tastes and textures. Men and women aren't made alike. The tastes are different. I've had them both.
Everything I tell you, I speak from experience.
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A
female
reader, Worried one +, writes (6 July 2014):
Worried one is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I said being pleasured sorry I was being vague it's that he doesn't go down on me ever only 3 times ever yet I do him most times, he doesn't really like going down there? and I only think it became an issue when I found out about the porn because it made me think he's having best of everything! And it made me look at myself and think surely I should have a bit more variety as well?
I'm a very sexual type of person and liked to be hugged and kissed and like sex it makes us all feel good right :)
so when I wasn't getting the sex for a year it made me think am I missing something?
And wize owl sorry to hear about your partner but from your lovely help you gave me you sound like you had a beautiful relationship :)
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A
female
reader, Worried one +, writes (6 July 2014):
Worried one is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your help :) it's made me think about things from his point of view as well, we had a long chat and he has agreed he will try harder and I will try not to push him so much as I feel my pushing him makes it worse.I think I was just worried the porn thing could get worse and go on to chat rooms or an affair, I think the thing that hurt the most was that all this year I was saying something didn't feel right? He started acting different to me and more aware of other girls etc.. So I think when I found the porn at least he wasn't cheating but it was still a shock as I wish he had said as I had been worrying all year! And wasn't to bothered about the porn as we do watch some together sometimes, it was the fact he was watching it then not wanting me and I felt really left out :(And Im hoping the pointing out bits on girl thing might go away as wellI hope it does because it's quite hard to talk to someone when there looking in ever other direction lol :) now if I talk to a bloke he doesn't mind at all and just says I know you would never cheat, but sometimes I would like him to get a bit jealous so it would buck up his game as I try so hard I would give him everything I ever could and just hope he doesn't make me look foolish by doing something that hurts the whole family But he says he loves me and always will and we will keep working on it and fingers crossed :) thank you all again x
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2014): People get used to each other physically. I had a partner for 28 years. We both stayed in shape. I do until this day.
I would still get used to someone I've had sex with many times over. The novelty eventually wears off. Doesn't mean I stop getting turned on by them.
I didn't expect things to be exactly the same the whole 28 years!!! Sex wasn't as frequent as when we first started out; but it could be quite intense and most fantastic.
Bless his soul, he was quite a lover!
I have no complaints in that department. My partner died of cancer. It was the best years of my life, when we were together. We had our ups and downs. I learned to speak up when I felt under-appreciated. Without the naggy-bitchy whine or tone in my voice. I listened when he told me how he was feeling; and didn't always take offense when he complained about the things I'd do.
Well, sometimes I did take great offense. I didn't like him to say things with a smirk on his face. He knew that annoyed me! I didn't always fire back with an insult to shoot him down; when he was opening up to me. It took time to learn that, mind you. I made sure I was near something to throw. Lawyers know how to add sting to their words.
Provoke and manipulate your response.
Girlfriend, it was like a dodge-ball match sometimes. Yet, I can look back fondly.
I learned a lot just by watching my own parents. They had a house full of kids; but my mom, seemed to like fixing herself up for my dad. He always smelled good, and shaved everyday; because she liked a smooth face. He'd always say something sweet to her. I wanted that too, so I used to tell my partner about it. His parents were also like that.
Sometimes you have to reteach your partner what he has forgotten. So we incorporated all the cool stuff our parents did, into our own relationship. It worked.
I thank God to this day, that I appreciated the good stuff, and worked it out when things got sticky. I spoke up! I don't just whine, pout, and complain.
I didn't deny him personal-pleasures, or expect unrealistic romance-novel fairytale crap. We talked, and fixed it. I learned how to make a point, and command respect in the process.
Sometimes you have to be creative, and appreciate the little things. You have to come up with fun spontaneous stuff; and not make a big deal about it.
We took vacations together. Weekends, we would cook with the radio on; while having a glass of wine. We'd crank-up the radio to our favorite tunes, and danced to the oldies.
He'd do a spastic strip-tease that had me rolling on the floor. it built-up sexual tension. Removed the stress with humor!
I'd sometimes get tickets when his favorite bands were in town. I didn't like them as much as he did, but it was great to see how excited he was about it. We ran around naked on the patio late at night during summer rainstorms. One of our crazy favorites!
We didn't always dwell on what we didn't have, or didn't do anymore. We appreciated what we still had, and made the best of it. We just came up with new stuff. It didn't always work, but we didn't give-up the effort.
Oh, it got a little weird sometimes; but it was something to laugh about when we got tipsy. Or he'd embarrass me by over-sharing with our friends at a cocktail party. I could tell by the look on his legal-assistant's face; when she knew something about me he told her. She blushed and couldn't look me in the eyes. I look back on that adoringly now.
We made it work. Minimized the complaints, and put emphasis on making lemonade out of sour lemons. I discovered he was all on-board, if I treated him like a man. Not a child. Listened, as well as spoke. We'd have knock-down drag-out arguments as couples do, sometimes over nonsense. Stupid junk.
It isn't always about the sex, but the romance. How to get in the mood at the same-time. It isn't always going to be 50/50. Just make it 100% hot! You didn't stay together 15 years unless he wanted to. So the past year he has discovered something new and different. Now you're put-off about it.
If your man gets lazy, and you're feeling denied wiener-time. Say something. I miss Mr. Willy!!!
He'll let it slide as long as you do. He's going to ride that wave as long as he can. If he can get-off in 2-5 minutes, as compared to a two-hour stretch of intercourse?! Guess which he's going to pick? Masturbation never fails, and there's always a happy ending!
Sometimes you have to warm him up. Just be your sweet self and not over-think things. When you start finding fault in things, the mind has a way of blowing little things out of proportion. Then you start picking fights, and everything that goes wrong is our partner's fault. Yes, we do that!
Nothing is attractive about someone always pouting and belly-aching over every little thing. If you sleep in sweat-pants or a flannel gown; don't expect him to get all excited about it. If you're always irritated, picky, and tense. That's a turnoff. Not placing blame on you; but dividing it up fairly!
After a long stretch in a relationship, and the honey-moon phase is over. We start noticing nothing but what they do wrong. As if we're perfect, and we don't get on their nerves. We want what they did 10=15 years ago. He's 15 years older, things don't exactly happen at 35 as they did at 18. Sometimes they're better. If the mood is right! He's watching porn and learned some new stuff.
I lived with a lawyer! He was not one to be shy with expressing himself, or laying down the law.
Yes, I'd get jealous and pissy if he tipped the waiter too high, or stayed out too late and came home drunk. I was livid the time he flew across country in a private jet with a client; who just went out of his way to show his appreciation for winning a case. I get a call hours later and he's on another coast having dinner with a hot single rich, supposedly(???) straight-guy!!! Did I throw a hissy-fit? Yes, I did! He had the couch for four weeks. The one he picked out for the "aesthetics." It felt like a park-bench with cushions. He got rid of that sucker too!
Then the tables turned, and I had to work late hours.
We had a new intern at my company. My partner got to meet him. Boy was he jealous. I wasn't much older than the intern, and the guy liked me a lot. He came to dinner at our place. We ran into each other at a restaurant, when I was out with my partner. Yes, I invited him to sit at our table. That caused a feud. Now I'm the one with the roving eye. What comes around, goes around sweet-cheeks!
Then you start to figure out how foolish you're behaving and you talk it out. I don't mean you always dwell on things and beat a dead horse until he kicks. I mean, we'd tell each other when we felt unhappy about something. If we needed more of something from each other; or if one or the other did, or said, something hurtful. That fed into our passion. Tenderness and pleasure is derived from trust and understanding. That's what you refocus on. Rebuild. You have to get his attention, but not by letting porn come between you. Let him know he seems less interested since the porn came along. Ask him why? Don't be accusatory.
You'll have egg on your face, to find out what it really is. Because you may have missed all the subtle hints. Sometimes I did. Accidentally on-purpose. Selective hearing, you might say. Dodging the truth, to be exact.
The key is to focus on one problem at a time. Deliberately work together to fix it. Don't dwell on it. It shouldn't come-up in every argument. Stop looking for crap to mother and lecture him about. Trying to stop him from using porn through shame. That's how mothers do it. He's not a child.
There is little that can be done about "porn-envy." Your husband gets pissed-off if your skirt is a little too short, and the moon shines when you bend-over. Or your cleavage is too generous, and the twins are saying "hello!" If you let a tipsy male-friend touch you too long. You don't notice these things; because you're too busy hating porn and accusing him of not noticing you. It's all that stinking rotten porn's fault! Look at the whole picture my dear lady!!! It's a combination of things. Age, dwindling testosterone, laziness. Boredom.
Your lady-parts are very familiar to him. Parading them around may not make him bat an eyelid. He just thinks you're daft!
He found a sexual-outlet without cheating!
I do agree that social media saturates the internet with smut and trash; and force-feeds people more porn than they should consume. I've never felt compelled to try and compete with porn actors. I got what I got. I'm proud of what I've got. Yes, my partner indulged in porn also. I'm no fan myself; but I'm no prude either. I'll steal a move that I think might be interesting. The advantage I have, is
I have an idea of what it might feel like to him. So I won't hesitate to try it.
I learned to live with the porn. I just got more creative in my own way. Inspired you might say. I often heard a puzzled-voice panting in the dark say, "where'd you learn to do that?" He was probably wondering if it was from the intern!
You have to have a little homegrown-mystique; without feeling you have to live-up to the standards of junk aired commercially. If he doesn't say you're sexy, ask him why?
Is he as sexy as he used to be? I hear a lot of women complain about how porn ruined their lives. I've yet to read anything in their posts about how sexy their man is, or how he turns them on. How fantastic he is in bed. Well, if he isn't getting your rave reviews or feedback. I guess he doesn't quite care as much either. All we read about is how uninterested he is in "their" bodies, all because of porn. They never mention if he's good-looking, has good moves in bed. That is because all of the responsibility of love-making is placed on HIM!
So, he uses porn for variety and novelty-entertainment. The result is, he'll get a bit selfish being able to reach orgasm in seconds, without a lot of work. He is getting older. He's not single; so he can't have a new partner when he gets bored with the same routine. He doesn't want to do creepy things to the mother of his children, or terrify her with some freaky sex-act. He doesn't mind watching someone else do it on screen. It's visual fulfillment.
He doesn't want you to look at him like he's some kind of pervert for trying to do what he sees on a video. Even though sometimes he'd like to, but knows how much you hate that he watches porn. He also feels a bit of shame for watching, when you come on like his mother about it. Then that's who he visualizes when suddenly you want to be sexy. He remembers his mother's tirade when she found his sex mag tucked in his sock drawer! His sexual appetite becomes repressed.
He's not likely to give up porn completely. If you feel your sex-life is suffering from it, then say something.
If you feel neglected, ignored, and he doesn't appreciate the hottie he has in 3-D, say something.
Be creative and do something new. If he doesn't like going south of the navel; he doesn't like going south. There are things you don't like, it only follows the same goes for him.
He has seen you naked for 15 years! Perhaps he wouldn't bat an eye. Communication without insults and minus bitching, usually keeps a guy's attention. Not in the middle of a ball-game! Not when you're drenched with tears and heaving convulsively in a crying fit. Putting on a drama-queen performance fit for an Oscar, or the British equivalent.
Don't expect him to visualize you like he does a porn actress. You're not, you're his wife. He has more respect for you than that. He sees a video actress as a plaything, humanoid, but designed only to be sexually-objectified. Just to get-off to. Hopefully, you mean more than that. Although, that's how he feels about you too! When the moment is right.
Have a talk about it. See how it goes.
Be sexy when you do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2014): A 15 year marriage and he has only succeeded or tried to give you pleasure 3x? That is something you want to think about unless it's a sexless marriage which it isn't because he is getting pleasure. Some people don't care. Why are you only worried about this now if it has been 15 years of this? Is it due to the boob comments/porn? I think the comments are plain rude and insensitive beyond belief.
He could be gay, addicted to porn, not that interested in you or sex, the porn suggests otherwise though that he prefers a fantasy to reality, not compatible with you, sees you as a mom/wife but not a lover, he's a lousy lover, he regrets not having more partners and so on. There is no way for us to know. You have to talk to him about it.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (6 July 2014):
 Have you actually tested that theory? Some of my thoughts on this are he is having trouble making the connection that the mother of his children can be a smoking hot lover as well. Some guys get so lost in this we're parents not lovers thing that they spend all their time with the kids and neglect the marriage. Another idea is that you are not communicating you needs to him. I think I just got the message, but he may need to have that message delivered in a different way.
I think you are doing the right things. Working out,wearing your hair the way he likes. But, you are doing it in a passive way, to break down his barrier you are going to have to get a little alpha on him. You are going to have to start the conversation. You may have to ask him out on a date. You may have to seduce him. You will definitely have to insist on getting your orgasm.
So in short, Communicate and find out what is holding him back, Communicate and resolve the issues, communicate your approval of his improvements.
FA
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 July 2014):
 I think he's regretting not having more experience with other women before getting married. He's been saying to himself, "that's it? Just chores and the same woman over and over?" He doesn't get to experience heartbreak, or get it out of the system that all women are the same. He doesn't realize how lucky he is to have a long lasting connection with someone. He took you for granted.
You have to talk to him about this. I might be wrong but only he could provide a true answer to why he's being withdrawn. He could even be gay. Yeah why can't gay men comment on women's boobs too? I myself like looking at boobs. You tell him that if he wants the marriage to work, he needs to up his game and be willing to learn how to pleasure you.
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