A  ,
*elsi
writes:My best friend's comment has me baffled. I emailed my best friend and told her I bought a new motorcycle. Her response to me was: "OMG!!! I am shocked that you bought a bike. DO YOU WANT TO BE KILLED???? ARE YOU NUTS????? YES!!!!! HELMETS WON"T SAVE YOU IF SOME NUT RUNS YOU OFF THE ROAD. It is not you driving crazy, it is all the nuts on the road that won't watch out for you. Oh well it is your life. be safe ,you'll be next in the hospital".Why would someone who is suppose to be your very best friend ever respond like that???Thank you!!
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female
reader, blueskyday +, writes (18 July 2011):
i agree with tish the "you'll be next" was really inconsiderate and i could see why you'd be upset about that
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reader, kelsi +, writes (18 July 2011):
kelsi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHeck no I'm not angry with my friend at all. I may be a bit sensitive to her wording because of my brother, I'm sure your right. I love my friend deeply and no matter what she says that won't change. I know she cares very deeply about me as well. I am just confused about the wording she used. However having said that and reading the responses I have received I agree she may have used some poor choices in wording but the message is very clear, she CARES about me and don't want anything to happen to me!!!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 July 2011):
 Ah, so she got the email that you bought a motorcycle when she was still processing the awful news about your brother?
You know what, if you want to be angry with her, go ahead, we can't tell you what you feel. Yes, you can be angry with her for choosing her words poorly. Cut her off from your life if it's that upsetting to you.
I think actually that what's most upsetting is that your brother is injured and you are hypersensitive at the moment. You didn't mention that or the timing of your motorcycle purchase when you wrote in the question, so I'm assuming you just want to blow off some steam and show the anger you are feeling. That's fine, but I think I've devoted enough time to this problem.
I hope your brother recovers fully. Good luck with your friendship.
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reader, kelsi +, writes (18 July 2011):
kelsi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo Tisha, I happen to buy the motorcycle the day before my brother's accident. My friend however didn't open up her email about my motorcycle purchase until after my brothers accident. I drive a large truck that gets 15 miles to the gallon, my friend had this motorcycle that she never drove and offered it to me for a crazy, crazy low price. I'm not a young kid, I don't take risks and I am very responsible. I drive it to and from work which is 14 miles round trip. I'm middle aged and don't take anything for granted!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2011):
So let's review. Your brother suffered major trauma in a car accident, and right after this week, you go out and buy a motorcycle. For some reason, while your brother is in a hospital fighting for his life, you find the time to buy a vehicle that has a poor safety record as compared to cars. And then you get upset because your best friend chooses her words poorly to express the extent of her worry.
I think I know why she chose those words. You seem to be have made a vehicle choice that for many people feels dangerous, and you do this while someone you love lies injured and suffering in the hospital.
In my neighborhood, we had two young men die in car wrecks within 6 months of each other. You'd think the second one would have learned from the first tragedy but unfortunately for his family, he did not. I don't know if he plugged his ears and went 'nananananananananananah I'mnotlisteningIdon'tneedtowearmyseatbelt andit'sokayifIexceedthespeedlimit cozI'mnotgoingtodie nananananana' but the fact remains that despite the shocking tragedy only 2 doors down from him, he didn't wear his goddamn seatbelt and he did go to fast and he too died in a car wreck.
Sometimes young people think that the rules of physics don't apply and that they are not vulnerable to danger or risk. I'll bet a lot of kids who were at the first funeral took unnecessary risks, not because they wanted to die but because they were defying danger and basically giving the middle finger to fate.
You buying a motorcycle when your "brother was just in a major car crash a week ago and is laying in the hospital fighting for his life" seems to me to be extremely odd timing. Was it a necessary purchase that will help you commute to work? Or is it the proverbial middle finger to fate?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 I think she counted on the shock factor.
She knows that if she says : oh my, be careful, motobykes are dangerous- that would not even begin to register with you.
Maybe she thought that if she said something more forceful,and angry, and even in bad taste, if you wish, considering what just happened to your brother... well, at least you'd pay more attention to her words... and in a way it seems it worked.
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reader, kelsi +, writes (17 July 2011):
kelsi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI get the fact that she is telling me she is worried. I even really appreciate the fact that she is worried enough to say how she feels. The part where she says:
"Oh well it is your life. be safe, you'll be next in the hospital".
Well that part comes across to me as though she is saying, okay fine, go ahead and kill yourself, do what you want to do, but your going to be going to the hospital. That's kind of how I take her statement!!
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female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (17 July 2011):
 I hear this all the time when people find out I have a bike. I'm also an EMT and over the 4th of July weekend I worked 4 motorcycle wrecks. It didn't make me not want to ride, but it does make me want to be very careful. Take it in the spirit it was meant... It was a knee-jerk reaction spoken in fear of your safety. :)
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female
reader, Battista  +, writes (17 July 2011):
This isn't about being mean, this is just about stating some facts. However she went about saying it, the meaning would be the same. Couching it in more diplomatic language would perhaps reduce the impact of what she is trying to tell you. It is quite obvious that she is concerned otherwise she wouldn't have bothered saying anything at all.
Incidentally, do you have parents or other siblings? Have you considered how they will feel about you riding a bike considering what has happened to your brother?
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female
reader, blueskyday +, writes (17 July 2011):
she doesn't want you to be fending for your life and her be worried it isn't mean it's realistic
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): So sorry to hear about your brother; hope he recovers completely. Your friend was not very diplomatic, but she's worried about your safety. Possibly even more worried since your brother is in the hospital now.
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female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (16 July 2011):
she obviously does care otherwise she wouldnt of reacted like this if she didnt she sounds like a good friend don,t let her concern for your safety ruin your friendship
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reader, kelsi +, writes (16 July 2011):
kelsi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand that she would be concerned, but she knows my brother was just in a major car crash a week ago and is laying in the hospital fighting for his life. I don't understand why she would sound so mean to me. How concerned can she possibly be?
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female
reader, blueskyday +, writes (16 July 2011):
bestfriends tell you the truth, her reaction shows she cares i honestly wouldn't get why your bother by this
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 July 2011):
Maybe she didn't choose her words that carefully but her concern for you seems genuine. In the field of organ donation, motorcycles are more commonly known as 'donorcycles.'
I guess you could tell her that you found her choice of words troubling and upsetting, if you are that bothered. Just be prepared for her to tell you that she's very concerned for your safety. Maybe if you have some facts at your fingertips, you can discuss this more calmly with her.
--------from wikipedia:---------
Accident rates for motorcycles
According to the U.S. National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), in 2006, 13.10 cars out of 100,000 ended up in fatal crashes. The rate for motorcycles is 72.34 per 100,000 registered motorcycles.[1] Motorcycles also have a higher fatality rate per unit of distance travelled when compared with automobiles. Per vehicle mile traveled, motorcyclists' risk of a fatal crash is 35 times greater than a passenger car.[1] In 2004, figures from the UK Department for Transport indicated that motorcycles have 16 times the rate of serious injuries per 100 million vehicle kilometers compared to cars, and double the rate of bicycles.[2]
A national study by the Australian Transport Safety Bureau (ATS) found that:
Motorcycle rider death rates increased among all rider age groups between 1998 and 2000
Motorcycle rider deaths were nearly 30 times more than drivers of other vehicles
Motorcycle riders aged below 40 are 36 times more likely to be killed than other vehicle operators of the same age.
Motorcycle riders aged 40 years and over are around 20 times more likely to be killed than other drivers of that same age.[3]
According to 2005 data from the NHTSA, 4,008 motorcycle occupants were killed on United States roads in 2004, an 8% increase from 2003.[4]
During that same period, drivers of automobiles showed a 10% increase in fatalities, and cyclists showed an 8% increase in fatalities. Pedestrians also showed a 10% increase in fatalities. A total of 37,304 automobile occupants were killed on U.S. roads in 2004.[5]
Additional data from the United States reveals that there are over four million motorcycles registered in the United States. Motorcycle fatalities represent approximately five percent of all highway fatalities each year, yet motorcycles represent just two percent of all registered vehicles in the United States. One of the main reasons motorcyclists are killed in crashes is because the motorcycle itself provides virtually no protection in a crash. For example, approximately 80 percent of reported motorcycle crashes result in injury or death; a comparable figure for automobiles is about 20 percent.[6]
----copy/pasted from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motorcycle_safety ------
Maybe you could let her know that you realize the risks and will wear a helmet and take the special lessons for motorcycle rider safety. Tell her you appreciate her care and concern for you and that you hope she takes a little more care in her choice of words next time.
Here's more on motorcycle safety issues:
http://www.nhtsa.gov/DOT/NHTSA/Communication%20&%20Consumer%20Information/Articles/Associated%20Files/4640-report2.pdf
http://www-nrd.nhtsa.dot.gov/Pubs/809715.PDF
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (16 July 2011):
 My mom is a nurse in a hospital and I can't tell you how many young men she sees come through with serious motorcycle injuries. Many of them have left the hospital in a body bag. Recently she came home in tears because a young man ended up quadriplegic (no use of arms or legs). This is what your friend is worried about and you should be grateful to have such a friend who won't sugarcoat her worry for you.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (16 July 2011):
I think she is trying to shock you into thinking about the risks of what you are doing. I am sure she didn't intend to hurt you, she is just telling it like it is. My granddad was a maxillo-facial surgeon and he always told us he would disown us if we ever got bikes because he had seen a fair number of bikers who had accidents which had resulted in their teeth ending up in their brain. Not good.
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (16 July 2011):
 bikes are very dangerous so i can see her concern.
you will do what you like.
dont think she's being mean she's just worried. be carefull.
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reader, kelsi +, writes (16 July 2011):
kelsi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand she would be concerned but to say "you'll be next in the hospital" is hurtful!! Why wouldn't a best friend say something like "I'm worried about you driving a motorcycle, be careful and watch out for other drivers". Her response sounds sooooooo pissy like to me!!!
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female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (16 July 2011):
she is just being a good friend and looking out for you thats what friends do she is obviously against motorcycles and i don,t blame her to be honest
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male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (16 July 2011):
 As others have said, she is concerned for your safety, as a best friend should be.I LOVE motorbikes, but haven't ridden one for years - but I plan to again. Before I do, I'm going to get professional training to renew my riding skills, and I strongly recommend that you do, too. The roads are much worse now than in my younger day, and the only thing that will keep you as safe as can be is to get skilled in roadcraft.A catchphrase just came to me - "Get skilled, not killed"!
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female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (16 July 2011):
 She obviously feels quite strongly on the subject. I don't care much for bikes either. Don't take it to heart. She would just be worried for your safety. Oh, and I wouldn't bother offering to take her for a ride!
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female
reader, blueskyday +, writes (16 July 2011):
i'd laugh aha she cares about you a lot and she's right there are lots of nuts on the road but just be safe nothing to worry about. You should take it too seriously she just cares
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