A
female
age
30-35,
*eh2014
writes:I am not perfect by any means, but when I care someone I give that my all. I fell for my ex, believing he was my type of guy. He turned out not to be. I have goals/ambitions/interests and he had none of those. The guy I'm w/doesn't need to make 100k, but he needs to have career goals that he is actively pursuing. Whenever he would mention an idea I always supported it and tried to help him develop it. I'm lazy, but he took the whole pie for being lazy. He rarely wanted to go anywhere fun and I would have to literally drag him w/me to places, he didn't have many friends (only hung out w/them if he happened to go to his regular bar), he would frequent the bar more and more w. out inviting me. I could not take being taken for granted anymore, I talked to him about it/no improvement, then tried to wait it out. I broke up w/him and that destroyed me. Couple months post break up I have a serious job (I moved away from my min wage job), I am socializing a lot more (something I have been working on for years) I'm very content in life, except I'm missing my ex. I feel like I lost out, even though he would make for a terrible husband/father. I guess it hurts me how much he couldn't care less about me.
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female
reader, Meh2014 +, writes (3 January 2016):
Meh2014 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks and you are right, I miss the person he said he was. When I 1st started dating him he told me everything I wanted to hear, but I found out after a couple months and a lot of denial that he was a completely different person. By that time I had fallen in love w/him. I continued spoiling him and caring for him when he kind of checked out of the relationship. He wanted a single life, where he didn't have to make an effort, but he also wanted a gf to care for him.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (3 January 2016):
The contradiction in your question is that the post lists a long list of complaints about your ex, with nothing good said about him, and yet you miss him. I think that you may be confused about your feelings. I suspect you’re not missing him, but you’re missing something else in your life – the man you wanted and hoped he would be, rather than the person he actually is. It sounds like you are finding your own path in life and things are going well. You clearly understood why you and your ex weren’t compatible and, through that, have come to a deeper understanding of what you need, and what you want. Use this as a basis for finding the right person in the future. It’s not automatically easy to be single just because you break away from a relationship that you no longer wish to be in. That is why you are feeling this way. But continue to socialise, go out, make friends and when you’re ready to start looking again, take all that you have learned from this experience with you.
I wish you all the very best.
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