A
female
age
30-35,
*Girl91
writes:Okay I am having issues getting through a little speed bump with my boyfriend. There has been absolutely no cheating or lying just something from my past he cant get over. We had known each other for quite some time but only started seeing each other after I had decided to take a gap year and travel. So we spent time together and I left two months later as had been planned all along. We didn't really keep in touch while I was away as I thought I would have no shot with him when I got home (I was away for close to a year) I figured he would have another girl for sure. during the last month before I got home we started talking more and I knew we would be getting back together. In the time that I left to started talking to him I was with quite a few other men. He was also with other women while I was away (4 partners less than me), he even almost started dating someone but he is having so much trouble getting through this. Its not that I don't respect him or want to be with him, I just didn't think I should be good just in case I had a shot. Anyway I am loosing sleep and feeling really down on my self because he is having trouble getting over this, He always makes me out to be such a horrible uncaring person, and streses me out so much cause hell question everything I do or say. He has torn my facebook page apart looking for something bad or something new he can try and blame me for. Please I just need some good thoughts. I love my boyfriend and I always thought we were perfect for each other, but feel I may have irreparably damaged our relationship from decisions I made when we were not together or in contact.Thank you
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (24 February 2014):
Tell him to go to counseling, or go to couple's counseling with him. If he doesn't agree then it's got to be over. He's not being logical so reasoning with him won't help.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 February 2014):
 YOU did not irreparably damage your relationship you were NOT in a relationship when you were away. EXPLAIN TO ME HOW YOU CAN DAMAGE something that does not exisit.
His behavior is indicative of Retroactive Jealousy (RJ) and that is a form of OCD and there is IMO no fixing that.
I'd really consider bailing out as this is only going to get worse with him.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (24 February 2014):
So imagine getting married to a guy like that? If he has this much problems with your past, how can you plan a future? He wants to go out and do whatever he wants, but you should stay a virgin for him. Hate to tell you this, he is no boyfriend, he is a control freak, and unless you plan to be in an abusive relationship (which you are at the moment)…then you know what you need to do. He is already giving you all the warning signs you need.
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