A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I was in a horrible abusive marriage and found true love somewhere else. The new BF was in a dead marriage with no love. We fell for each other hard. Whirlwind romance for over a year. We both filed for divorce... But real life sets in- custody issues, money issues, holidays come... he feels bad for kids and lack of family unit, and goes back to her. Tells me and asks me to let him go and after we say goodbye, refuses all contact. I am heart broken... does he know he broke my heart? does he care? is he coming back after it doesn't work? does he blame me for breaking up his family?
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female
reader, the1st1 +, writes (29 December 2008):
who cares if he blames you. you didnt make him do it. and who cares if he knows he broke your heart. to tell you from experience, if he knows he hurt you, he will feel control, and power. the less he knows and the more you act like you are happy if you see or talk to him, the worse he will feel! make him hurt, instead of letting him know your hurting. a lot of people when they know they hurt someone, they do it all again just becasue they know you are vulnerable, and they just like the power they have over you. let it go, if he didnt love you enough to stay away from false love, and stay with a true love, then he isnt worth it. i hope all goes well, and let me know how it all works out, please
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (29 December 2008):
 I'd say he got to the point of telling his children and when he saw their little faces crack it broke him up inside children to men (once they have them) are sacred and such a very special thing. that would be the ultimate thing he would sacrifice his own heart over.
I’m sure he does love you very much but he knows that if he sees you it would bring it all back and he doesn’t want to do that to his children.
Once i was in a similar situation with a woman and she was married and didn’t tell me. she had children but couldn't leave the husband because of them infact I asked her to go back to them and be with them. It hurt but I had to do it.
For you, I’d be inclined to join a couple of social groups, one’s that do recreational things, with single people around the same age group. I bet love will strike up there and you will enjoy it!
What about your friends what have they suggested you do? I know after a long marriage friends dwindle in the wind and eventually disappear but what’s happening in that arena?
Please get back to me.
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (28 December 2008):
 So often the case that the guy goes back to the wife and that is what has happened here yes i think he will know your broken hearted and i am sure he cared for you i don't think he is coming back he may not blame you for the break up of his family but his wife and kids will! You need to let this go i know it hurts like hell but he was married and when it all boils down they very rarely leave the wife and kids for good. You need to move on from this and start afresh yourself he has asked you to let him go do that now and the only good thing that has come out of this it has got you out of an abusive marriage so go on to make a new life for yourself where you will never be used or abused again i wish you well.
Gina
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