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I am embarrassed about oral sex. Are there things I should be aware of?

Tagged as: Health, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 August 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 13 August 2012)
A female Australia age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi

I have a question about oral sex. I’m in a new relationship and my partner wants to give me oral sex.

The problem is I feel embarrassed of him going down on me. I do want him to pleasure me but I’m worried what if he doesn’t like my scent or the look of my vagina.

Also I do wax my private area, do guys mind if the area is slightly stubble as it’s hard to be hair free all the time.

Thank you

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (13 August 2012):

person12345 agony auntRelax! Do you think men sit around worrying if women will like giving them oral sex so much that they can't enjoy it? All women have a scent down there that changes throughout their cycle. We all smell like something and taste like something. Many men really like the smell because it's totally packed with pheromones. Even when I'm say, camping and haven't bathed in a week and am sweaty and genuinely smell bad, my boyfriend can dislike the actual smell and still feel very attracted to it. It's also fun for them to see their partner enjoying something so much. You don't smell or taste bad. You can try it for yourself (it is your own body after all).

Just take a shower beforehand for your own peace of mind and try to relax. Ask him for a massage so you can be as relaxed as possible. Turn down the lights so you aren't worried about your appearance (if it wasn't attractive, would Georgia O'Keeffe make paintings of it?) and some women find it helps to put a blanket over their lap so they don't see the guy, so you can more thoroughly focus on sensation. Also most importantly, you'll likely need to do it several times to be relaxed enough to really enjoy, so give it a chance!

Also he's not going to notice your stubble. I used to need to be bare because I was a dancer, now I don't remove a single hair, my boyfriend barely notices when something has changed.

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A female reader, katiekate United States +, writes (13 August 2012):

katiekate agony auntAs long as you have proper hygiene, everything should be fine! Men don't usually care about stubble. In fact, my last few boyfriends have said that in their previous experiences, the women were not hairless. (I am) Most men don't care either way, as long as everything is neat and clean down there. I would keep a bikini hair remover cream on hand to get rid of any stubble. I use Sally Hansen, and it works great. You rub it on, (especially on the area right above the clit), wait 10 minutes and shower it off using a loofah and body wash. Gets me smooth every time. If it makes you more comfortable, shower shortly before you think you two will become intimate, so that you feel fresh. And then just sit back and enjoy!

As far as the appearance, everyone looks different down there. My boyfriend is in medical school, and I help him study and have seen lots of pictures of women's vaginas. Some are extremely unattractive! But all in all, men won't mind the appearance of it- they all work the same way, right? :)

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (13 August 2012):

DoubleM agony auntWell I don't know much about stubble - I'm a much older man and all experience is with women unshaved. But I've had a lot of experience with vulvas. It's not exactly your vagina that matters, although some odor can occur from there. The focus of oral stimulation to a woman is the clitoris, which is well above the vaginal opening.

I'll adjust that to say that I also enjoy stimulating the entire vulva area, including the vaginal opening, but by far, most of her sensitivity is at her clitoris. It usually should be gentle at first. I've written about this extensively, located in this Web site's archives.

Enter Double M on clitoral complex, for one, and same on the term, female orgasm. You can be the judge on whether my advice makes sense.

In my opinion, the appearance of the labia doesn't matter. The labia are the "lips" that surround the clitoris and vaginal opening. Some education on your part about the physiology would possibly help. But anyway, a nicely freshened vulva, which is most all the exterior pubic area of a woman, is unlikely to be offensive unless there is some disease or infection going on.

A woman's private area is rather musky - that's one way to describe it. It's the natural scent of a woman. But an experienced man does not mind that at all. It is rather attractive, actually, but it does take some getting used to. Every woman seems to have a slightly different aroma and taste, but very similar and appealing. Do not be afraid to be you - just be clean.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (13 August 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntHe won't care about the look... as for the scent and taste a freshly washed person clear of infections etc is perfectly delightful.

if you wax you won't have stubble... you will have regrowth and it's not as stubbly..

relax.... you are putting too much thought into this.

if he wants to do it, let him... and enjoy it.

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