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*jspix
writes: My husband had a heart attack in September followed by quadrupple bypass surgery. While I have suspected serious financial difficulties - my suspicions weren't nearly as monumental as what I found while he was in the hospital. When I went to clean up his desk at work (he owns his own business - God knows how!!!) and to get bills and payroll together to pay I found he hadn't paid ANY taxes in 3 years - this included Corporate and Personal. Bills were unpaid - his credit rating is in the 500's! I found things that make no sense at all! Since then, I have worked my butt off to clean up this mess he's made! We are selling out beautiful house on the Lake - yet he refuses to sell his horses or his Corvette! He hasn't done a THING to sell the toys he has that he has never maintained - broken golf cart that looks brand new - boat - jet skis - horse trailer ($25,000!!!) I agreed to sign on a loan for $180,000 to get him out of debt! And now, I find he's STILL lying to me - about money - about who drank my Diet Sunkist - about feeding the dogs - about STUPID things! What in the world is this all about!!?? And the real kicker is - he lies to his doctors and caregivers about what he's NOT doing to prevent another heart attack. He doesn't exercise - doesn't eat right - he's diabetic and hides candy everywhere! I can't even stand to look at him anymore - much less try to have a conversation with him. I don't trust him - don't even want to try at this point. His credit is really starting to impact mine at this point! I moved my family to live in his town - which I hate - his mother hates me - and I will no longer allow her near my home. Why don't I pick up my family and leave???? What's holding me back?? I have a 16 year old daughter a 19 year old daughter and 10 month old grandaughter who live with me/us. I'm about to start a great job. I have a neat little house at the beach that's in MY name only. Both daughters are in school - one college - one Junior in High School. I know I can't totally relocate until they are out of school. Somebody PLEASE help me put this all in persepctive!!! Thank you to anyone who can help! CJ
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female
reader, cjspix +, writes (8 January 2007):
cjspix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your quick responses - anonymous - regarding unpaid taxes - he has told me for years they were paid and all was current and just fine - as soon as I found out that wasn't the case - I took the necessary steps to get everything caught up. I agree that the personal taxes were both our responsibilities. He is so good at keeping things to himself - I never knew they hadn't been paid. As for the Corporation - I'm not even an officer so had no access to any information regarding the Corp. Now at least I am listed as someone who can gain access to info in our State. I now know this is something I will have to keep up with. Unfortunately he insists on using his "friends" from his good ol' boy network as attorneys and accountants so his secrets are well protected. You're right - the stress this has created for him carrying this secret alone for so many years wasn't worth it at all - in my opinion. Thank you for your response! Reebe - do I love him - sometimes I think I do - most of the time I think I don't - because I can't trust him and to me love and trust go hand in hand. I want to trust him and I want to love him but it has to be important to him as well and apparently it isn't or the 2 don't go hand in hand in his mind. I agree - he's been depressed most of his adult life - and knowing his family - probably a good part of his childhood as well. I've asked him to seek counseling but he thinks the 1 Lexapro he takes that his friend the PA prescribes for him is just fine. I do think my life would be much better without the stress and pressure and doubt I feel. But I just don't know if I want to take that step. How will I ever know if I want to take that step?? And Ponungalungb - you are so right about the paper trail. And it would be a big one, I'm sure - I'm just not sure how to go about protecting myself from this. Any ideas? Thanks again! CJ
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007):
Here is some perspective- if you are in the US its possible YOU havent been paying YOUR taxes for three years. Its a joint responsibility to make sure that the taxes are filed accuratly. And barring anything else the cute little beach house if half his asset too.
Anyway you guys both need to bring in a tax attorney to sort through things and give you are real picture of what you are dealing with here.
Not knowing is worse than having things laid out and having expert advice. It will just casue un-healthy stress for both of you.
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A
female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (8 January 2007):
 I can understand why your annoyed! but stop for 1 second and think - your husband has not long had major surgery, he knows he's not been paying his taxes and you have found out, he probably feels pretty stupid and worthless right now, I can understand for you why it would be easier to run away but his lack of care for his own health makes me think he could be depressed so therefore won't care about anything. it's time to get tough, if i was you i would say to him that you need to sell the horsss and boat and car and all the other luxeries you have, pay off your debts and start again If he refuses, say to him you are not prepared to live your life under these circumstances and say you need to sort yourselves out as a couple, you are annoyed and hurt right now but you dont say wether you still love him. he probably feels silly and like a faliure so maybe mention some of this to his doctor who will be able to gently ask him questions to open up.
This situation needs alot of care and tactfulness no matter how hurt you are, if you love your husband you need to sort this mess out together and he needs to meet you half way. explain that he has got you all into this mess but you will do everything you can to help him out of it.
If of course you don't love him anymore or you REALLY think your life will be better with out him then of course cut all ties and move away. But if you didn't love him then would it hurt so much?
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (8 January 2007):
 I think you need to see an accountant and a lawyer. Before you pull up stakes and move on with your life alone, you need to make sure there isn't a paper trail dragging along behind you.
Good luck!
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