A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my ex husband and i were in a relationship for 11 years before we split but we grew up together and have been through a lot together. i was extremely attached to him and had no one else in my life. he is truly a great guy and he did a lot for me and has been there for me. we were both really young when we got married and our relationship changed we became like best friends/ roommates and not a couple.when he started seeing someone else i became very jealous and begged and cried in front of him to stay with me but he said he saw me as a friend. i was confused i did not speak to her when i met her. when i went on a lunch with her i kept talking about how my relationship with him was and made her feel very uncomfortable. i even told her maybe he left me because of money instead of telling her good things about him. I'm soo ashamed of what i did. he did sooo much for me and instead of telling her he's a great guy and being happy for him i hurt him and now he does not even want to see me or hangout with me because he can not trust me anymore. i want to gain his trust back and be part of his life like friends are so he can see me as a friend and well wisher. what can i do to gain trust back? i want to apologize to her what should i say? I'm going to their place in a few days with a gift for their house. what should i say? how can i gain the friendship back?
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best friend, jealous, money, roommate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): I remember your post too, you said you had an open relationship and that both you and he were sleeping around.I believe that I responded by saying that if you open up this type of behaviour then mostly it bites you in the ass..Look send a small note if you need to saying how sorry you are and wish then well, then get on with your life. Things will never be the same, to much water under the bridge..I wish you well, but you need to let go..
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (19 October 2012):
 Like I asked you when you first posed this question to us on September 19th, what would your ideal friendship with him/them look like?
They consider you personna non grata, so how is it you're going to their house? Have they changed their minds and invited you or are you planning to just show up at their door with a gift and an apology?
If you took a step back and assessed your situation honestly I think you would realise it isn't your attitude that has changed, but your strategy. You're determined to keep your ex around for YOUR benefit, not his, and when he finally finds someone who loves and appreciates him you respond by trying to get rid of her. When that fails and you see she's there to stay, you decide to ingratiate yourself. Besides 'I'm sorry' what do you have to offer them?
An apology would certainly be nice. Keep it brief and tell them what you told us. They already know alls this, but at least you're admitting it. Then expect nothing in return and gracefully move on. Your ex deserves the opportunity to build a happy life for himself and you must be prepared to accept his decision that that life may not include you. That would be the mature and selfless thing to do.
To give the other aunts and uncles some background, here is a link to the previous question. The more information they have, the better they can help you.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-should-i-approach-my-ex-husbands-new.html
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