A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello there. I'm a mom to 5-year-old twins.I went away for a week for the first time since the pandemic on business; got a new job in the IRS, a career change for sure, but I'm qualified for that sort of thing.However, I came back and found out from my neighbor that my husband had moved the kids in with his girlfriend up the road, this young woman who works in a local coffee shop.The neighbor told me to go a few meters up the road.I feel like going to the cops about this but will they even intervene in this?Apparently the neighbor told me our daughters wanted to live with my husband and his girlfriend and that if they consented, well, nothing the cops can do.I'm FUCKING ANGRY and want to file for divorce.I guess his girlfriend won't be so happy when he's only got half his income and paying child support?Even worse... this girlfriend is the same one who served us in a branch of Starbucks in the town we live in.Now I know why my husband was so into Starbucks, he claimed it was about the coffee, but it was more than that!!I thought we had a good life; our 5th wedding anniversary is happening in a few weeks.So much for the big 5th party.I thought I loved my husband no matter what, but this makes me question my love for him.I feel like a fucking fool for marrying this cheat.My life feels like a double one; an impressive job but poor home life.How on earth could I not be aware of this cheating?I thought I had a great home life, was a good mom, me and husband had a good sex life but no.I need support but don't know who to turn to; would counselling help? I've also learnt some other bad news about my husband; he'd also been seen in an area of town notorious for prostitutes and hanging out with them last Christmas, the only reason I know is due to some photos on social media taken there and archive photos from 3-4 years ago.WTH???This whole ball of wax is making me fucking angry and stressed.Most men wouldn't do this, I think I married either a pig or a man with no control over his dick.Divorce is probably the only option but I'm also worrying about things like assets splitting, costs of divorce, social stigma etc.?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2022): A court of law decides who gains the legal custody of children; it is not an arbitrary decision made by the mother or the father. Since when do five year-olds make legally-binding decisions about where they want to be??? He just up and took the children, and has no legal-leg to stand-on; considering he hasn't filed for a divorce, and there is no legal decision made on where those children belong.
GET A LAWYER!!! For all practical purposes, and depending on the statutes of the law in your area, he basically just kidnaped the children when your back was turned.
He worsens his case for a battle for full-custody; because he abandoned his marriage, and took-off without any notification. You didn't mention he has filed a complaint for divorce, or served you with any papers under intent to divorce you.
All emotions and spite aside; you have to pull yourself together, and get yourself a lawyer to get your kids back. They're too young to know what they want; and they only went along with him, because you weren't there to stop him.
No telling what they've been told, but unless you are cruel to your own children; there is nothing he can say that will make them forget their own mother. They won't just let him go and find some other woman to replace you. It would be totally unnatural and a freak of nature for children to have forgotten and lost all feeling towards their own mother. With the exception of children who have been molested or abused by their parent(s).
They'll bribe the children and concoct all sorts of tales to persuade them; but children that age will long for their mothers. Nobody can change the feelings we have for our mothers, but our mothers themselves. Daddies just don't have that kind of power; unless the mother has abused or neglected the children to the point they see her as a monster, and the bond between mother and child has been seriously broken. It hasn't been that long, so I can tell you; it's a challenge for him to stop them from wanting to see their mother! No amount of ice-cream, lies, or bribes will calm them down when they start to miss you. They will become a handful to control for her; and he has double the trouble!
Don't make the children hate their father. I know you have the inclination to be vengeful under the circumstances. Pray on it, ask God for guidance and peace of mind. Keep it together, and never make innocent children a pawn in the struggles between adults. God is always on your side, when you do what is right. You love your babies more than life itself, and with you is where they belong; no matter where daddy decides to go, or whom he decides he wants to be with other than you. The law is also on your side, as far as custody goes. He'd have to prove incompetency, abuse, mental-illness, addiction, and all sorts of legal exceptions to take your girls from you.
He can be with whomever he wants; but as your husband, the law will decide whom and what he takes with him, if or when he leaves you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 May 2022):
 Your kids are 5 years old, they can't DECIDE where they want to live. Call a lawyer and go get your kids.
Your husband can't just take them and move in with someone else. That is ridiculous.
"Apparently the neighbor told me our daughters wanted to live with my husband and his girlfriend and that if they consented, well, nothing the cops can do."
This is total BS. Without your husband having custody HE CAN NOT just take the kids.
CALL a lawyer (or call a few is even better as ANY lawyer who has talked to you can not take him on). Move on from there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2022): You went away for the weekend and your husband has technically kidnapped your kids and implanted them in someone else's household?
Of course you have rights as the long term mother!
They are five years old and are not deemed to have the capacity to decide where or who they live with.
If you're neighbour told you that they had ' chosen' to live with their father then your neighbour is clearly a disinformation service.
I would go round to her house to see my children and bring them home.
Take a friend in case there are any unexpected events.
Hear your husband out and hear the young girl out.
If they refuse you access to your children you call the police and get a formal record written and also ask for a health and welfare check.
Don't listen to rumours but stick with the fact that you're the twins mum.
The twins will be wondering when you are going to take them home.
Waiting and wondering.
So get a move on and go round and bring your kids back.
There's a strong chance the coffee shop worker will also be wondering when you'll turn up.
Don't treat her as a love rival but as a babysitter.
Thank her for looking after your youngsters while your husband was mentally absent and offer to send her flowers for her kindness.
Get the kids home and then sort out your marriage with a lawyer etc.
Remember that courts decide who children live with.
And a five year old is a minor.
This is the first time I've ever heard of someone saying that five year olds have the right to choose who to live with, but not the first time I've heard of errant partners planting their youngsters with someone they're seeing more or less as a babysitting service so that they can pursue their own romantic interests!
And I mean with their weekend lover ....
Buyt I've never heard of a mother feeling intimidated about getting her own kids back.
Are they on school holidays?
Because I don't see a school suddenly accepting a new 'mother' without some form of agreement.
Children are not possessions and cannot be forced to fit in with another person's lifestyle on the whim of a weekend.
Everyone will expect you to go and return your children to their own home and own lives.
If you baulk at this, people will wonder if you have the mental capacity to be a mum.
And you do.
You alone know your children better than anyone else if you did the things required of you as their mother.
For example does coffee girl know when the children had their childhood immunisations?
Does she or your husband know what foods your children can or can't eat?
Can they list the years they got childhood illnesses and needed medicine?
Did they speak to the doctor about them?
Do they know the medicines they were given?
Are they aware of the medicines your kids are allergic to?
Get social services involved if you feel you need extra help but don't bother to talk to your neighbour who tried to crush you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2022): Sweetheart! Be glad this other woman took him off your hands! WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT THIS MAN IS!!!! She thinks she WON? That is laughable and she is living on another planet if she thinks so! Wait until he starts fucking prostitutes under her nose and giving her STDS! Wait until he starts cheating on her too when he gets bored of STARBUCKS coffee and wants another flavor!! Feel sorry for this poor, naive girl who has no idea what she has just gotten herself into! She is no saint but nobody deserves to be treated like SHIT and this man treats ALL women like SHIT! He is damaged goods! I feel most sorry for the kids! They will be subjected to all of this! Do not listen to neighbors or cops. Go to a LAWYER! Listen to a LAWYER! You are better than HIM! You have a chance to live a better life WITHOUT this fucking disgusting piece of trash!
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