A
female
age
30-35,
*ester28
writes:I would like to know woman's view on the porn industry and how it has shaped our view on relationships. Are we being forced to believe that this is the way we should be having sex and to like it? Porn has changed over the last 20 years, the acts of sex have changed and what is acceptable. Do you agree with this statement - Porn has changed due to the stronger roles women have in the world today. To men porn is control, there is nothing more controlling than a man standing over a women cumming on her face.
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male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (5 September 2014):
 OP you talk about control and the fact that a facial is controlling. Do you not think that many women A: like to be controlled during sex, or B: like to dominate their man?
Some people of BOTH sexes like to be either dominant or submissive depending on their preference. People who are submissive in their day to day life often enjoy being dominant in bed, and high powered people often prefer to be completely submissive and controlled. Each to their own.
Is not having the man on top controlling? What about fluffy handcuffs and blind fold? Is that not controlling? What about telling his lover he promises to pull out before ejaculating only to get carried away and do so? is that not controlling? Singling out one particular act is strange when porn, and indeed sex in general, has so many things that could be perceived in that way.
You don't make any mention, or show any concern, regarding porn with men being tied up, called all the names under the Sun and have women urinate upon them or footage of a dominatrix woman getting the guy down on his hands and knees and walking him around the room on a chain. Its very much a two way thing.
Our perception of sex, in all of its forms, has changed considerably over the last twenty or thirty years. These days we hear so much negativity about sex: HIV, AIDS, Hepatitis, kids of 16 with three kids by three different fathers being given five bedroom houses paid for my the tax payer and the equivalent of an executive salary of benefits for their trouble. We hear so much of celebrities being involved in sexual scandal or abuse, accusations of the church, date rape, grooming online, easy access to horrific images to anyone with a computer. Its a different world now. Sex has become almost a dirty word as has the idea of watching it being performed.
For all of the above, lets not forget that in the past attitudes to sex were far from perfect. It was only a few decades back that married men were allowed to force their wives into sex without it being classed legally as rape (1970s), being gay was against the law (1960s) and tv adverts promoted a womans place as being very much in the kitchen and female orgasms were denied and women were expected to lie back and think of England.
(1970s). And im talking about here in the UK, not some developing nation with antiquated laws.
Here in the UK in the 1970s we had a series of films which were basically mainstream soft porn/comedy. These "confessions of....(a driving instructer/window clean/etc)" films featured Robin Askwyth played a young guy in various roles basically getting laid. At the time it was a bit of fun, almost innocently so. The very popular Carry On films also centred heavily around smut and sex or inuendo.
However the 70s were pre AIDS, when all people had to worry about in terms of sexual health was getting the clap. Teen pregnancies were ridiculously low compared to today and people (rightly or wrongly) felt shame in having a child outside of marriage, whereas today many kids of 15 are getting pregnant to scrounge off the state. It was a time when sexual abuse went on behind closed doors and was swept under the carpet and most people would not have heard the term paeodophile, not like to day where we hear the term daily.
In those days people had more responsibility for their actions, instead of blaming society, celebrities or the government for their own failings. Now we all have to deal with the fall out of other peoples poor sexual decisions.
In the past if a teenage girl became pregnant it was seen as the lads fault completely. We collectively talked about the "boy responsible..." The poor innocent girl was seen as having had her innocence violated. Today such a blanket judgement is quite laughable. Teenage girls nowadays are very different from how teenage girls were when I was at school in the 80s and 90s. In many cases, when it comes to sex, these days its the girls who call the shots and know what they want and how to get it.
I was shocked recently when I was in a big shopping centre (Mall) as there were a group of school girls in front of me, no older than 12 or 13, in high heels, make up, very short skirts and cockily parading about saying loudly "Ok girls! We are off to Anne Summers!" and calling out things to boys at the top of their voice which were so suggestive. They were acting like celebrities and tossing their hair, pouting and parading around full of arrogance and attitude (these were 12 or 13 year olds remember) and one of them made a comment to me (im 36) about my suit being sexy and her friend said "yeah mate, she wants to fuck your rock hard cock!"
Times have changed and so have attitudes. The more innocent, fun attitudes towards sex have been replaced by constant bombardment of horror stories. In the past we worried our children would be abducted by a stranger or get pregnant as a teenager. Now we have to worry about our children being groomed online, abused by people we trust or having access to the most terrible things on the internet. Instead of fretting about our 17 year old children being careful, we now worry about our 13 year olds having sex.
I have read so many times that many men now feel inadequate following the rise in popularity of the book Fifty Shades of Grey. I had a GF once who wanted me to lick her anus during sex, whip me and call me a bitch boy. THAT I found disgusting and degrading and declined, much to her getting arsy about it, and yet if I suggested ejaculating on her face she said it was humilating and controlling. She enjoyed and encouraged me to ejaculate on her breasts, stomach, down her back, in her mouth or into her hand but on her face was "deprave". Are those acts not equally degrading and controlling? if I watched porn she told me it was disrespectful, yet she would read Fifty Shades of Grey and expect me to do what she read. If I declined she accused me of being old fashioned.
OP Porn has been around for a long time, sex even longer. We wouldn't be here now if Adam had not said to Eve "not much on telly tonight dear, why don't we have an early night..."
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (5 September 2014):
 There are strong women who want to dominate their men and there are strong women who want to reclaim their femininity by being submissive. Porn did shape how I feel sex should be. I do not see that as a negative thing. I still have preference on what I like to do. I would never be influenced to like anal sex. My view on relationships is not based on porn. Sometimes the realm of sex stands outside of romance. Sometimes it is based on our dark desires in our subconscious. If you do not get anything out of BDSM, then that kind of porn does not have the power to get you off. Porn can only bring out what you already have inside. It can help bring out the awareness of what turns you on, but it can't force you to like anything that you don't believe in. If you see that mainstream porn having a prevalence of degradation of women nowadays, that could be because some men want to bring back that power that's lost to women. That I could agree on. But that doesn't mean some women can't enjoy watching that stuff and play roles of being sluts. Because of equality of the sexes that polarity has become equilibrium instead and for attraction to occur you need a degree of polarity. I still say sex and relationships belong to different fields because you can have a man and woman who respect each other but still find it fun to play roles, even switching roles sometimes. Just because you swallowed cum in the morning doesn't mean your boyfriend can't be sweet and bake you cookies later.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 September 2014):
 Nope, don't agree at all, porn has been around forever at least since the days of the Roman Empire(they've found treasure troves of porn during excavation of Roman Ruins. As a guy, I don't see porn as having anything to do with "control". It's all about fantasy fullfillment and voyarism. Things we wish we could do but are ill equipped for(women tend to laugh and run at the sight of most of us that aren't as well endowed as the porn stars. So it's vicarious enjoyment of the unatainable. 'Control' is the weak rean used by the pornaphobic libs that are misanthropist by nature.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): I don't really agree with your statements. I don't really think that the content of porn has changed much at all - anal, bondage, beastiality - all these things have been depicted in porn for centuries.
What has changed, however, is technology meaning that pornography is pretty much free to anybody who has the internet without the embarrassment of having to hire or buy it or be seen going into the local porn theatre. With the advent of hand-held devices it's available anywhere at any time. And the wildest of tastes can be catered to - especially as the technology exists for people to make their own movies and show them to the world via the internet. I also believe that porn is reaching people at a much younger (and more inmpressionable) age these days.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (15 August 2014):
Porn industry is an industry that will change because there is a lot of money to be made so I feel like it does not pave the way for society, it prefers to react to it. Whatever the people want, the industry is happy to supply it. Free porn is taking a dominant role and weeding out the old school techniques, so I believe this has had the biggest change for society. But it is free due to other factors like advancements in technology, infrastructure, laws etc as well.
I believe that porn is a tool. Like any tool there are both right and wrong ways to use it and for the sake of this post, I would not state the obvious wrong ways. There are many things women do not like to do in real life even though it seems perfectly fine in porn...but that is the nature of porn, to allow people to have visual fantasies. Unless you are a teenager surrounded by peer pressure, I can't imagine anyone feeling like they are forced to do certain things in porn. I am sure there are many people who are also pressured by society's expectations but so far, I have no met a whole lot of people like that. Every one has their likes and dislikes so I guess to each their own.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (15 August 2014):
I disagree with the last few lines regarding control. Some women ike that messy act. Porn has been around for a tousand years or more. It's just in the past decade there's been this outrage over it. I guess certain groups feel betrayed or left out in some way so they need to try to redifine the role of porn to create mass hysteria. Chill, it's not going to hurt you it's only rock and roll and I like it.
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A
female
reader, Lester28 +, writes (15 August 2014):
Lester28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPornography has been around for centuries and it has changed due to society and the roles of women and men through out the years. I would not want to control one thoughts being that I can be very opinionated and strong from time to time. I do watch porn and find it interesting and notice a huge change over the years. Thanks for your response
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (15 August 2014):
 Porn / Prostitution / Sex Industry has been around forever. I don't think there is anything new about it, except maybe in the way it's marketed, and how lucrative the industry is becoming. In fact, I would venture to say that it's becoming more acceptable. Sex is no longer hidden in the closet as something bad or shameful. Many couples use porn to spice up their relationship. Both men and women use porn to relieve sexual stress or to explore their fantasies and fetishes. I really don't see Porn as something negative. Sex is good. Sex is healthy. Sex is an activity to be enjoyed by everyone. The only issue I have against the porn industry is when there is no consent and someone is being forced in front of the camera, as in the case of child pornography, using animals and rape or murder.
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A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (14 August 2014):
Sounds like you are looking for confirmation rather than discussion. Porn comes in all sort of categories and does not equate solely to men being dominant. That fills the gaps of the taboo fantasies everyone has. Porn has also been in existence perhaps for centuries so the porn industry actually has a lot of impact on other industries and vice versa. I could see the porn industry molding society today but the same can be said about the fashion industry, shoe industry and magazine industry which can affect the values we see in women and men.
People are able believe what they want to believe and if you have particular ways of wanting to make love with your partner then you should keep to those standards and enjoy it with your partner.
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