A
male
age
30-35,
*ourfavdinosaur
writes:Okay so here's my situation...I've been dating an amazing girl for 15 months, 13 months long-distance. She lived with an abusive family. At one point she was extremely depressed and emotionally wrecked so she sought me for help. Thus, I called the police on her family (the situation was that bad!). Eventually she (and her sister too) were sent to a hospital for treatment. Then she was sent to a residential treatment facility on our one year anniversary. Anyways, about four months into her treatment she said she was too dependent on me and broke up with me. (Also, her facility only allowed communication via letters). The one time she could call, she broke up with me on our 15 months, in 5 minutes.I was heartbroken, but I knew I had to let her be for a while, until we could talk properly.Recently, she was released from the facility. Yesterday, I called her and asked her about us. I was confused. After a couple of hours of talking she told me her plan. She wanted to be successful in school, go to college, and get a nice job as a flight attendant. I support her decision, but deeply saddened by the fact that she said we ‘might’ not go back out again. She still loves me deeply, and would go out with me if I asked her presently. But I don’t want to make her feel too dependent on me, the reason she broke up with me in the first place.Even worse about this situation is how her family doesn’t support our relationship anymore.She promised me a lot. My girlfriend would always tell me she wouldn't leave me, ever, and that she'd be there waiting for me if I broke up with her, though I would have never broken up with her. We resolve conflicts all the time, discuss problems, got rid of insecurities, do everything to make our relationship successful. Even in long-distance.Now it’s all gone. But, I want to have a chance with her again, in the future hopefully. I’m willing to wait, to gamble, but in the process I will improve myself on the side, as an individual. Right now, I’m wondering, what should I do? My friend told me to “give her space” and “let her be,” another said to “move on.” I want more opinions though. Any opinion will help. How far should I distance myself from her, and how will I know the right time to be with her again? I appreciate all help! Thank you!
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reader, yourfavdinosaur +, writes (5 September 2011):
yourfavdinosaur is verified as being by the original poster of the question Alright, I get it. I will keep her from straying. And I know already that it wouldn't be if she did stray. For the most part though, I believe she wouldn't, but who am I to predict the future?
She does find acceptance with them but some of them are just bad though. The last part of what you said is true though. Always, she'd want a lot of friends for attention, I mean, she is a nice girl, very approachable, spontaneous, and likes making people happy.
Yes, I get what you're trying to say. "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime" type of thing right? I want to guide her and influence her when she does have problems or if she's confused, but it's hard though, seeing as she's not with me. My mind is complicated with the fact that I'm not with her.
Still, I keep strong and hopefully she'll learn to help herself right? Though that might take a while. I'm still hoping one day we'd be reunited. Most people seem not to give me a glimmer of hope on that. After what we've been through, it's hard. Anyways, thanks for your advice though, jonas.
A
male
reader, yourfavdinosaur +, writes (4 September 2011):
yourfavdinosaur is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Hello hjkbn! Yes, I know, but how much? How much of a distance should we be apart? We’re not even in the same State in the US. And our only methods of communication now are calling, texting, messaging, and webcamming. She condemned webcamming though, said it would make her ‘want’ me again. I don’t know how I should limit myself. I’ve been told “once a week,” “twice a week,” “every 3-4 days,” shall I do that?
It has made us fond of each other, when we were closer. I want to move on in a way that we’d both benefit, and in a way that we ‘may’ be together again. Hopefully we can both get to that moment of interest, to reignite the spark of our relationship.
@Hey jonas! You’re right on that part, she was clingy. It was something I mostly never minded; I was okay with it. But now that I think of it, it might actually do harm if she always wants to be with me. At times, when we weren’t obstructed by such challenges such as the treatment facility, she would get a bit ‘too’ clingy. Perhaps it would be better off if she found herself then found me again. But that’s a lot to hope for. I’m frightened of the possibilities, of us not being together again. All I can do is hope.
Alright, I’ll keep that in mind. Good friend. No intimacy. Keep her from straying from her mission. That’s a hard one, but I’ll do my best.
I want to give her ideas, but it seems like she has some of her own already. Something I ‘would’ like her to have is better friends, better influences. She’s had this horrible choice of friends. Not all of them, but a majority, mostly because of who they hang out with. Some do drugs, are very provocative, and annoying and bullying. If there’s something I could do, I would help her with that.
That’s not good though! If she gets bad influence and shrugs it off, then that’s good. If not then, I don’t want any worse in this world than there already is, especially one that’s been close to me.
Anyways, you two are helping so thank you hjkbn and jonas! I’m here to hear any more opinions or advice you both or anyone has.
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A
male
reader, hjkbn +, writes (4 September 2011):
Hi I think that even though you do love her and want to be with her it is best for you two to keep distance for awhile. It would be good for both of you so she can focus on school and you can take time to improve yourself.And you never know a lot of times distance makes the heart grow fonder.. I wouldnt move on, just keep in touch with her and support her through whatever she may be going through, wait a little bit, and if things are going well and she seems interested enough consider dating her again and see how she feels, hope i helped(:
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