A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiNeed some help please as I just don't know which way to turn. My dad had a horrific heart attack a few weeks ago and we nearly lost him. He has just undergone surgery and I am pleased to say he is on the mend!However, in my time of need, my boyfriend wasn't there. We haven't had sex in months and I wasn't happy but at that time I needed him for support. When I cried, he never offered to come round, when I asked him to take me out after dads op, he said yes then let me down but the worst is we were supposed to be going on holiday in which he told me he wanted to go but then his text to me said he didn't. I don't want to appear selfish, but I really wanted all these good things to happen as I had been through so much trauma.I just don't know what to do anymore. Still shaken up over my dad and boyfriend has just dumped me.How do I take control of my life? Please help me xx
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female
reader, VioletSparkle  +, writes (26 June 2011):
Even if the relationship wasn't going that well, it's not nice of him to dump you exactly after your dad had an operation, he could have waited a couple of weeks until you were back up on your feet again and not so shaken. It doesn't sound like he is a very emphatic human being..
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (8 June 2011):
I'm sorry to hear of what you've been going through.
I know it's hard, but try to see that it's good that your boyfriend has officially left you because clearly he was already emotionally absent from the relationship for awhile. Being in a relationship like that is more damaging to you over the long run than being left and single again. Because when you're physically around someone, and the understanding is that you're still in a relationship with them, yet they are behaving that way, you feel emotionally abandoned and it tears down your self esteem. By no longer being in a relationship, there is no one there to be subjecting you to these emotional abandonment scenarios.
Just take it one day at a time, try to focus on the positives which is that your dad is going to be OK. Allow yourself some time to grieve the loss of your relationship, allow yourself to feel however you are feeling. spend time with friends and family who care about you. Try to carry on with life as normal to the extent that it doesn't feel "fake." Eventually you will start to feel better. But if your feelings intensify to where it feels unbearable, or if you can't function at work or in daily life, or if you just don't seem to be feeling better even after a lot of time has passed, then you may need an anti-depressant to help you through (in which case you should see your doctor for a prescription).
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