A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So Recently i Found Out My Ex Only Came Back To Me Beacause he Only wanted Sex. If Your Ex Is Just Using You For Sex How Would You Make Him Regret Using You? I Mean I Don't Just Want To Dump Him I Want To Make Him Feel Like Crap. So If Anyone Has Any ideas Please Help!
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female
reader, anon1979  +, writes (4 July 2011):
I am of the opinion that you cannot really hurt or get even with a womanizer (or in your case your ex). If it was that easy then there wouldnt be so many of us out there hurt and annoyed (understatement). Sometimes a "player" is hard to spot. Allow me to say that in your case its not any more about "guessing" or "wondering" whether he is a good guy or not. He clearly disrespected you, you KNOW he just uses you for sex and so no matter how he tries to defend or excuse himself to you (and no boubt make copious excuses) the truth remains that SEX is what brought him back. Im not going to get into the philosophical argument as to WHY you went back to him. Im not quick to judge because I made the same mistake back in the days with a guy that I was head over heels with and knew since childhood and so when we broke up the first time round I decided that perhaps it would be in my best interests to give him a second chance. But just like in your case, he was only back for the good sex. After playing the field for a while, he wanted to go back to his familiar, safe sex. This is definitely a painful way to live. You obviously have feelings for him and if he DID have the same feelings we wouldnt be discussing this question here! It would be perfect.
I believe that in ALL human relationships if MANIPULATION is evident then this relationship is really not worth salvaging even if one tried. When a person you like or love does not care about what this "deal" does to you, then the word LOVE really does not apply...You obviously have deep feelings for him, he trully annoyed you, you probably feel very very bad because if it was a very casual thing to you too then you wouldnt be considering revenge.I get that and its very normal. But (the unfortunate BUT) comming here...
You really cannot get even for two reasons. 1) He already knows you and your reactions. Therefore I dont believe you could fool him in any way, shape or form and "get him". He knows you have feelings for him. Do not assume that men (or women) like him do not monitor the situation as it unfolds and that they just play their game safe in the knowledge that you might not one day want revenge. They KNOW that at some stage you might try out something like that and so BEFORE you even get to implement your "revenge" they will have already seen it and made plans on how to counter it. The last thing you need is for him "calling your bluff" and laughing at you in your face and tell you "you think you can get even? hahaha". Its going to make it SO MUCH worse. 2) Sex is what he is after. If you deny sex, then he will try to push you to get it for a while and manipulate you and if you DONT give it then he will walk. If you DO decide to keep giving him sex and dump him or humiliate him, it simply WONT WORK because he doesnt care that much. Its not YOU. He already made a decision in his head about what this "relationship" means to him. He has compartmentalised all his feelings already and just sees you as fun. Therefore he doesnt really care WHAT you think or feel so long as the sex keeps comming in! If he was that sensitive, he wouldnt have been sleeping with you in the first place.
Womanisers are different to other men. All men have womanizing traits (and all women...well, you get what I want to say) but they do not switch off their emotions to the point that they just act without thinking of the repercussions. He knows the risk, he takes it, he lied he clearly doesnt care.
The only way to "get at him" is one you probably wont feel satisfied with. Dump him, leave (cause the more you say, the more feelings you show, the more pain you show even the more ANGER you show reeks of love or need and he enjoys it very much-its like tangible proof that he is IMPORTANT) and dont say much, just say you moved on or that its over (do not give out too much info, do not explain your reasons, be polite) and erase that son of b**** out of your life completely. Next time you see him ignore him like the louse he is. Do not feel you need to talk to him or even look at him. He is nobody to you. He will probably wonder "what is wrong" and come looking for answers or another chance to bed you and get his ego trip. Do not answer him. Do not say "haha this is my way of hurting you" keep it simple, polite, unimotional and let him wonder. The indifference is what gets to them. They know you know how horrible they are but you do not react and you do not become their ego supply. You leave with DIGNITY and CLASS and since they already think very "low" of you, that comes as a mega blow to them. It throws them off balance. You end up the "mature" one and they end up making fools out of themselves because SOME of them cannot accept the fact that they do not have easy access to your sexuality any more and that you really do not care about them or waste your time over them. They play games. He plays games. Play your own and get out of this situation with YOUR EGO intact. Plus when you distance yourself enough from him and his lies or whatever good qualities you might think he possesses you'll see after a while that he is not that worth it. Especially when you meet your next boyfriend who is NOTHING like him.
We all make mistakes, we all fall for the wrong people, we are just human beings. But unfortunately with people who are not willing to be honest and understanding and communicate and speak the truth but revert to manipulation to get what they want then leaving them is THE ONLY viable option. You cant win an argument with a liar that has no feelings...Its sad, perhaps its not even satisfying to you, I bet you want to see him hurt as much as you do. But you'll learn to live with that "disappointment" and realise that some people (men or women) are simply "dead" as far as showing respect to others is concerned. Show yourself that respect. Walk out the door and never ever look back!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): Tell him that he's not good enough. Tell him you found someone else who's excellent in everything. Tell you're ex, "He's strong, handsome, rich, BETTER in sex and you love him." Make it very clear and dump him with that not intrested expression. And make it clear to tell him that you're new "bf" is much better in sex.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 May 2011):
 kick him to the curb baby then live well!
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A
male
reader, krit  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 well I don't suggest you do this but if you want to do it than try this----
the next time he trys to get into your pants and use his tool , just say this
" what??? Are you already in?? Then why don't I feel anything.??"
This would be a big slap on his male ego....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): How do you make him feel like crap? Dump him. Deny him the easy lay that you give him and then he'll feel like crap.
You can try and stay with him to make him feel like crap but if he's only after sex, then he won't care. He'll just laugh at all your attempts because he still gets what he wants.
Dump him and get on with your life, that's the best revenge.
FYI: Never get back with ex's, if it didn't work the first time then it won't happen the second time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): Find out his insecurities, put him down subtly but gently until his self-esteem takes a hit. Keep standing him up esp if you've planned something a bit different/special. Tear up his clothes. Make up rumors about him. Give him a laxative before you go out or something, get him to buy you something expensive and then break up with him on the spot. Break up with him (coldly) on his Birthday or an important day. Tell him you have an std (a serious one) and watch him panic. Put something noisy (like a cricket) in his house and claim ignorance. The list is endless and if you're careful and time it right you might be able to fit in two. You know him best so just think up something that he'd find particularly unpleasant.I don't agree with the other posters about just letting it go. That way he got everything he wanted with no comeuppance. It's cowardly and for people with no backbone. So long as you're just planning a bit of revenge (that's within reason and not edging on harrassment) and then you're going to move on with your life (and not turn psycho) in a fairly short space of time, I don't see the problem.Male anon is right though, make sure you are 100% sure before you do anything or you'll regret it. Hugh.J, the main problem really is that from the sounds of it he was lying and caused hurt in the process. For example a woman who dated/married a man purely for a passport, then when she got it left him and went off into the sunset to look for a younger more attractive man. Would you say this is ok as they had a good time when they were actually together and it took two to tango?
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A
male
reader, Partyboy123  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 hey,
two wrongs do not make a right...
therefore, revenge will only hurt you more than it hurts him, because he CLEARLY has no respect for you, and has no dignity or integrity OR decency for another human being.
move on from this, take it as a lesson learned, if another ex comes back, do your dirty work and dig to find out the reason and then just let it go..
hope i helped
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): So because hes using you for sex you are going to sink to his level? Why? Dump his ass. Its obvious if hes using you for sex the relationship isnt going to work anyways Dont waste your time. He knows what hes doing. Chances are he wont feel bad anyway. He doesnt really care.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 don't waste your time or energy in trying to get revenge. to cut contact with him and more importantly - stop having sex with him will be the only thing that bothers him. and even that is until he finds someone else to have it with.
this man has no feelings for you, so hence, you won't be able to hurt him. just draw a line under this, use it as experience and move on
x
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (22 May 2011):
 Why is it always the woman that has to feel used?They BOTH had sex, it wasn't a unilateral thing, and presumably both enjoyed it?Just walk away and put it behind you, if you don't want it any more - revenge shouldn't come into it. That is just being petty and spiteful, especially as you seem unsure of your facts.It takes two to Tango!
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (22 May 2011):
 Trust me, honey, you do not want to sink to his level. Just leave him in the dust and don't do anything except dump him. You don't deserve to give trash like this any more attention than he deserves. Just walk away and put it behind you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): Most guys can get sex. Maybe not any where they want it but we manage to do all right.
In all the sex only "relationships I have been it, it just doesn't last. Sex is good ...sex is great. But it doesn't make up enough to be with a person you would rather not be with.
What makes you think he only wants you for sex?
Did someone tell you this?
Maybe another girl?
Maybe a girl that nmight like him too?
Or some guy that might like you?
It's hard enough to take a person at face value when they are speaking directly to you. But heresay is never a thing to be acted on.
BBQ
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