A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am an older lady who has always had men who worked and helped with most bills. I have been widowed 4 times; what a drag!!! I met a younger guy online and he eventually moved in with me. All was well at first; he quit his job where he previously lived a good distance away. He said he would get a job and not to worry.Well, of course he didn't and I ended up supporting him going on 3 yrs. I was diagnosed with a medical condition that kept me down for a while; and yes he was there, every moment; at the hospital, took me to Dr's appts all the time telling me; every day how much he loved me. I have never been a desperate woman; when it comes to men; my motto was always; they're out there go get one!!!I am now recovered from my medical problem and I'm sick of him; he is always there; I want to get him out of my life or he has to get a job; how do I get rid of him without a big scene?? I am miserable every day; he doesn't even have a car; he drives one of mine. He is very emotional and I hope he doesn't go over the edge; butt I'm burned out..Help!!!! Need some positive vibes!!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Hard to do this when they give up their lives and jobs and move to be with us.
Have you told him how you feel that things are not working out for you now?
have you said "you need to get a job NOW I don't care if you dig ditches" or do you just go along with him doing his thing...
Tell him
"listen boy toy here it is.. you need to pull your own weight... I need you to get either get a job now or get out of my home" I will give you X days (then pick the amount of time you feel is reasonable for me I'd say 30 days) to find a job or you will have to move out I can't keep supporting you"
then if after 30 days he's ACTIVELY looking for a job (i.e. his job is to get up and spend all day SERIOUSLY trying to find a job) you can decide if the job of finding a job is enough... if not then he has to go..
IF you give him the choice of find a job or move and he finds a job you have to let him stay and then try to make it work...
so if you are sure that finding a job would make him more desirable then give him the option... otherwise then you have to say
"it's just not working out and i think we need to part ways"
you may find his working makes it better... I know I can't wait for my younger man who moved and gave up his life to be with me to find a job... but having him off work for the last few months has been very helpful for us...
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 Hi
Your going to have to be firm here and take the consequences too. He isnt your responsibility,hes an adult, but as you've kept him and he doesn't work, he's going to lose you,his home,all his perks, so isnt going to go quietly is he?
You sound like a strong woman so am sure you will cope with the fall-out.If you think he may get violent then have a male relative or friend close by when you tell him the news
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): "How do I get rid of my younger lover without a scene? He's helped me in the past but now I'm sick of him."You can't get rid of him without a scene, you can only get rid of him; you can't control how he will react to the news that your're tossing him off the gravy train. All you can do is tell him to leave and if makes a scene or refuses to leave or threatens self-harm, then call 911 to have him removed and follow up with a restraining order.I understand that as a widow times four, you've probably never had to deal with a man who outlived his usefulness before but you need to take some ownership in this mess, you're the one who allowed yourself to be sweet-talked into letting your freeloading deadbeat boy toy move in without any means of support, so after three years you can't expect to just wash your hands of him simply because you're "sick of him" as he's not going to quietly give up his cushy life without protest and/or trying to weasel his way back into your affections and pocketbook.Unfortunately, you're about to learn first-hand that it's a lot less complicated to bury hard-working dead husbands than evict useless mooching boyfriends. That's the biggest disadvantage of taking up with guys decades younger than you are, it makes outliving them so much more difficult and time-consuming.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 Hey hun,Your boyfriend had a job and he quit to come live with you,so the step he took was a major one to give up his work..I think before making such a hasty decision you should have helped him look for a job in your city and when you found one for him it would have been sensible for him to move in with you,and he's been without work for 3 years?you should sat him down and told him earlier..To get rid of him just because he won't support doesn't make sense now,I think you should have a one on one conversation with a guy,if you don't communicate to him and tell him how you,how would he ever know..tell him he needs to take a job cause you need his emotional and financial support..make hi munderstand you like him a lot,but he needs to support himself as you cannot do it all along,if a guy has quit his job to come live with you,I am sure he can find one too,if he wants to continue to live with you..So TALK IT OUT..All the best x
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