A
female
age
26-29,
*SAFbrooke
writes:Me and my boyfriend havent been dating very long (about two months) and we already had sex. The sex was completely consensual on both sides. Now that we've had sex a few times, he always gets horny when we are just laying on the couch and he tries sticking his hands down my pants and I tell him no. I dont mind if he touches my boobs or my "butt cheeks" but I don't want him doing more than that every time we hang out. I have told him that he can only touch my chest and butt, and he will respect that for a little while when we are hanging out but then eventually, he will get very horny and I give in.... How do I tell him that, although I enjoy having sex some times and fooling around some times, I don't want it to be an everyday thing?!?! Ive had this problem before with an ex, and I let it go on too far and I didn't say anything so the relationship ended with him cheating... I dont want it to happen again!!!!!! HELP!!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): Early in a relationship it is normal to have sex at least once a day. Once you start, it is hard to stop (and why would you want to anyway!) If you are not ready for a sexual relationship than you should not ever have started one, as they are usually hot and heavy for quite awhile. That being said, he should respect your wishes, just as you should respect his. If he cannot or will not wait until you are ready, than he will have to move on. Hopefully he won't cheat but will just move on. It is beyond difficult to deny yourself sex when you are strongly attracted to someone and are intimate and have had sex in the past. This is NOT the way it is meant to be. Next time DO NOT have sex until you are ready or if you have a low drive find someone with an equaly low drive. I'm 46 and have been married for quite awhile and I could not IMAGINE going more than a day without sex. THANKFULLY my wife is much hornier than me!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): So why don't you do something other than cozying up on the couch? LOL, never hurt a relationship to go to movies, bookstore, park, take walks. Take some responsibility here girl.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 First off, if a couple enjoys having sex every day there is nothing wrong with that. If you know you are able to enjoy doing other things, then you should not need to worry that sex is taking over. Just make sure that you're not always just "hanging out on the couch". Go out and be active! Take a walk, a hike, go to the movies, eat at a restaurant. You know, do stuff. When you're out in public he can't grab at you.
I personally find it healthy that a young man is eager for sex. It's how the naturally are, it's normal and healthy to enjoy sex, and it's great that he's so turned on by you. Sex is a sign of affection for many. You're still a bit young to be heavily involved with sexual activity though. How about you tell him that while you do enjoy the sex, and want to continue to have sex as a part of your relationship, you don't want to risk sex taking over? That however does not mean he's not allowed to touch you. It just means that when you're not in for having sex: do other things than laying on the couch with him! Take some responsibility for having activities in your relationship other than sex.
And then see how often you feel comfortable with having sex. Just don't think sex is something negative in your relationship. It is good, but as with all things there needs to be a healthy balance. Have sex everyday if you please, as long as you remember to go out and have fun just as often.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 March 2011):
 It's not really that hard, first of all DO NOT get in a place/position where you are going to cuddle (since you don't seem quite able to assert yourself enough to say no, or not today Buddy)
It's about boundaries and respect. If you tell him we can do A & B, but not C, he needs to listen and respect it, horny or not. I have to say you need to learn to say no. You're a big girl you can do it. However, if you can't do this for yourself, you will start yourself down a road to becoming a doormat for whomever you date. And honestly... if you think saying no is hard, maybe you aren't old enough or mature enough to have a sexual relationship.
If he gets mad and wants to dump you he is not the right guy, at all.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 For once I must say that I totally see the boy 's point - you started having sex very early in the relationship and with your full and free consent , no pressures. So now why, having time and a location for sex, you should not have sex every day.
Why, indeed. Did you find out you have a lower sex drive than his ? Or just you find yourself spending all your times together engaged in sexual acts, with no more time for conversation friendship etc. ?
First case ,you just have to tell him. That you like him, that you enjoy having sex with him, you are just not as "hormonal" as he is and you don't need sex every day . So you'll have to compromise and find a rythm that's suitable for both.
Second case :easy, just don't spend all your time sprawled on a sofa pawing and groping each other ! Go out, socialize. Go to the movies, practice a sport together, invite friends over, bike, DO something ! That will also keep the relationship " fresher " for longer time. Of course now in its first stage all you want is to be alone and have physical contacts, but in a few months you'd both start being bored of this non-stop intimacy and you'd start having problems of getting more " me " time, or wanting to
spend more time hanging with the boys, or the girls.
Passion is great, but - you need to come up for a breath of fresh air every now and then.
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A
female
reader, chris's_wifey_23 +, writes (11 March 2011):
I think you should just tell him straight up and if he cant respect that then u shouldnt be with him. He needs to respect you even if u guys already have had sex he needs to know the limits. You should try and have a serious talk with him and if he doesnt change move on and find someone that will respect you and just only wants sex
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): First off, I think you're too young to have sex. I know you're what, 16 or 17? but still I think that once you open the door to having sex, guys and most gals can't get enough of it. It's something that makes them feel physically good and for some it makes them feel closer to the other person. So you want him to back off a bit without losing him to someone that loves sex? You basically have to say it and stand your ground. Don't give in, but remember, it is a lot easier to say than do and also, even if you do stand your ground, there's the possibility that yes, he will end up finding someone else that will do it everytime. We can't predict what someone will do, but all you can do is have faith in him that when you say no, he won't do it. Be gentle and firm and tell him that you don't want sex at this time and if he continues on with pushing the issue, you'll leave. This may cause him to stop pushing or he'll just leave and find someone else. In either case, you are still young and you will find someone else when you are older, who is much more respectful and considerate of your feelings. Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, uncle bob  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Tell him to knock it off, or he'll risk loosing you.
If he does "walk", over this issue, then he's showing you he has no respect for you.
Nobody, needs a person like this in their life.
There are many great guys out there, so don't worry.
You won't be alone long if you don't want to be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): What you are asking for is respect. And respect for your boundaries.
And you are quite correct about wanting nice things reserved for quality time opportunities.
There is a time and place for everything. Perhaps get him his own copy of the 'joy of sex' and ask him to read it so that he can consider better seduction strategies.
Proximity does not imply permission to cross those boundaries.
Just groping is already rude and invasive. It crosses boundaries.
It assumes permission will be granted retrospectively.
Put up a big sign in the kitchen, saying:
''No nean NO''
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