A
female
age
41-50,
*ountryaly76
writes:Ok, I have posted about my LDR before and this is kind of a follow up and a question.As I have said before about me not being invited to his house and being the one that is out all the money on dates and weekend trips to visit and I was worried about our upcoming vacation together. Well we are on that vacation now and I brought my kids along and didn't think he was bringing his until he showed up at my house with them...don't get me wrong, I love kids but I also know kids on vacation can become expensive, and I already was afraid that I was going to have to support him.I finally asked how much money he has so I would know his much I was gong to need, he had 150 dollars... I didn't know what to say to him. I thought how is he going to stretch 150 for a week. As soon as we got to our destination his kids start asking to go to some of the attractions, and mine asked to of course. But when we got ready to pay to get in I went to pay my half and he never offered to pay his. And now this has happened countless times on this trip and I keep saying we can't do this or that because I don't have the money... But I'm still paying, it makes me feel awful to not pay for his kids to do the things mine are , I keep waiting for him to tell them no but he doesn't. He did end up paying for a few things for them his money lasted a day. And it was gone they continued asking me. They even said that he had promised to do them things and they can't because of money. How do I get him to tell his kids that I'm not there to pay their way? He did have a family member wire him some more money a couple hundred dollars, and he has spent some of it on his kids and never offered to buy mine even as much as a soda. I have paid for all the food. He even once went and bought himself food and his kids nothing and to that I was furious. I care a lot about him, sometimes I don't think he understands what he is doing or maybe he does and I don't want to believe it. They are a lot of things that aren't adding up any more a few things that his kids have said, kinda have raised red flags. I not sure they know that I am his girlfriend. He hasn't touched me once in front of them not even a hand hold. And they keep talking about stuff that he has and I already know these things because I bought them for their dad. I started to ask the oldest kids( he's 14) if he knows I'm his dads girlfriend, but didn't know if I should.I did do a background check but nothing turned up on him. So what should I do? I mentioned to him that after this trip I might not be able to afford to come yo him for a month or so and he said it was fine that he would be there waiting for me...My head tells me to go but my heart struggles with it . Please help!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2013): Really hoping that you've found the courage to make yourself a free lady by now. -And that any smug grin is well and truly wiped off his face now he's left to take responsibility for himself and his own kids.
Really can't believe the cheek of someone who could use you as an un-introduced assumed nanny for his kids. (and an unpaid nanny that nonetheless paid all family expenses at that!?)
Hope you're feeling okay now that you're home and free. You deserve so much better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013):
You were warned but guess you will have to realise yourself that this guy is just useless and something is very wrong.I would be following him or having him followed because he has contact with your children as well as you.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ldr-but-he-is-not-opening-his-world.html
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (9 June 2013):
 Hi
He is simply unbelievable. Both his children and yours have had the vacation ruined in one way or another, by him.
I wouldn't even dump him I would just delete, block and forget the user, let him 'wait' for you to visit and wait and wait - until the penny drops it's over.
I'ts only the same as him 'forgetting' his cash or 'forgetting' to tell his kids who you are and why your on holiday with them - sheeeeeeeeeeeeesh
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A
female
reader, countryaly76 +, writes (9 June 2013):
countryaly76 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to update, just found out that he hasn't even told his kids that he was coming here with me, according to the youngest one. And they had no idea who I am. And they are still looking at me everytime we go somewhere. I politely told them if they wanted to do something they had to ask their dad for it not me. And I am so thankful this vacation is over tomorrow.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (8 June 2013):
 Wow, OK, you need to kick this cheapskate to the curb right now. He is taking advantage of you. Him not bringing money and bringing his kids was no accident. He knew that you would feel sorry for then having nothing and pay for them. Stop paying for his kids and for him. Just say no. No no no no no no no. As soon as you get back home, tell him he is dumped, tell him why, then cut him out of your life and have nothing more to do with him ever again. You and your kids deserve better. This loser is sponging off you, making you and your kids poorer. They shouldn't miss out so that his kids, who are his responsibility, can have a holiday that you pay for.
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A
female
reader, countryaly76 +, writes (8 June 2013):
countryaly76 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice, I know everyone is right and I need to let him go. I have 2 days left on vacation and as soon get him and his children home, I will talk to him and tell him that I think we should call it quits.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (8 June 2013):
Wow! Get rid of him. He is using you. How dare he come to your house for the vacation, bring his kids with a $150.in his pocket. He knows exactly what you are doing.
I feel for your kids. What are you teaching them besides the obvious. Be kind to others. They are learning that this guy is using their mom and your ok with it. Don't let them learn that. You are better then he
When you go home tell him to move on and have no more contact with him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): Say good bye and continue your holiday separately
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 June 2013):
 Well this first class user certainly knew how to get a cheap, fun filled vacation for him and his kids didn't he?
What on earth is there to like about this person? Do yourself a favour and listen to your head, then you will realise your heart was playing the wrong song!
You are too nice and too giving for this man, if you stay with him you will find you have given so much that there will be nothing left of you, and I am not just talking material or monetary wealth here.
Let him go, just let him go, and you get on with building a nice life for you and your kids.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): Where did you even find this guy? Not only he doesn't pay for you, he doesn't even pay for himself. And then he goes on vacation for a week with 150? Without telling you in advance that he is bringing his kids? Is he crazy?!! Or no, let me refrase it, are you?!!First of all his action is not even normal behavour for a sane adult. How do you not discuss any plans of yours to bring 2 children to a week long vacation, and on top of that have no money, hoping that your girlfriend will cover it. What if you had money just for your family, and would refuse to pay for his children. You should not have gone with him on any vacation. He is obviously a free loader and he knew that you would pay for him and his children. That was his plan. We can't control who we meet, but we can control with how we act toward a person. You witnessed multiple times that everytime you are together you are paying for him. Why on earth you went on vacation with him? Few years ago, i went to the beach with a guy. It was our first date. I asked him to get me water, and he immediately asked me for a couple of dollars as he had no change. Then we went out for lunch, he didn't even make any attempt to pay when we were brought a check. I didn't hesitate even for a second, and told him that I am paying only for myself, and put down the exact amount I owed. He paid for himself. He walked me to the car hinting on coming to my house. I left and never even answered his texts. I also couldn't believe that this guy was for real. You let him took advantage of you and he shamelessly took the opportunity. Run as fast as you can, and spend money on your children, not him
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (8 June 2013):
Hi
Your head is right. Go.
Your vacation with your children has been spoilt because he is so tight with his finances, assumed you would pay for everything and won't even hold your hand!
What is there to like about him?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): If I were you I would call it a day with this chap as he doesn't appear to have any respect for you or your children. It doesn't seem as if he considers you to be his girlfriend and seems to only think of you as a meal ticket. He is a grown man and should be paying his own way. His children are not your responsibility!! Stop paying for him because if you keep paying for him he will continue to use you. Yes you love him, but in time you will get over him and meet someone who loves and respects both you and your children. This chap seems like a complete loser to me. Ask yourself these questions... what type of a man would stand back and allow you to pay for everything? what type of a man would buy their own food but not feed their children? Why would he not show you any affection? Good men pay their own way. Good men feed children first and go without if necessary! It doesn't seem to me this man's intentions towards you are good. You need to dump him and concentrate on spending your time and money on yourself and your children. Good luck,peace and light
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