A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:Hi I wonder if anyone can help me, last year I admitted to my husband I had made such a mess of our personal finances we had less money that he thought we had and I was in a terrible state. He told me he would never trust me again and that he wanted to leave or I should go. I know I did wrong I really tried but I just got to the very end, we have four children all of who are grown up but all needed money at some point and I wanted to help them and didnt take enough care of our money. I didnt spend it on me but I suppose in a way I did because I hated to see them upset and struggling and it made me feel better to help them so I know it was very selfish of me. He forgave me and took over the handling of the money and we are getting a bit better but still struggling and I still feel terrible every time I think back to that time. I feel so lost and afraid and guilty, I have been on morphine for pain for four years and I get highs and lows and I know it didnt make me think straight which I am not trying to blame it was all me, my husband says I should be over it now and I am keeping going on about it, its my own fault but I felt so horrible as I had worried for so long but I hated saying no of he needed anything or if the children did. They have all now left except my youngest son who is a rock to me even though he is going through a lot at the moment I havent told him how I feel though. I know how selfish this is but I dont know if I can carry on, my heart is breaking. How do I forgive myself for being so foolish it's so difficult, also I wonder if my husband truly loves me now, I just feel sick all of the time I cant eat or sleep I think sometimes I would just like to go away and lose myself but thats being selfish again I know.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): I think your husband was likely more upset that you didn't tell him you were giving your children money than actually the money itself. I'm sure your husband loves your children too and would have been happy to help them. I would be quite upset if my spouse left me in the dark about something like that too. But he's over it now, so you need to let it go also and move on. I agree with other posters i do think you are blowing your guilt out of proportion a bit which may speak to other issues. Find a good counseler and get treatment for your guilt and depression.
A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl  +, writes (15 February 2010):
 I'm with CaringGuy on this one! You are falling deeper and deeper into depression! The Morphine will definitely add to that. Seek counselling as soon as possible.
They will guide you to forgive yourself.
Your husband has forgiven you. Now it is time to forgive yourself.
Good Luck!
~BG~
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A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (15 February 2010):
Youve made a mistake, seen the error of your ways and want to make up or it. Other than winning the lottery, theres not much you can do. You need to forgive yourself, remind yourself that you have apologised, have seen the error of your ways and have learnt from your mistakes, thats what helps me sleep guilt free. There will always be the constant reminder of the mistake, you need to learn to cope to live with it, to put it behind you, situations like this that dont get better either end up costing more money or health, theres only one way back to noramlity, and youll only get there by being strong.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (14 February 2010):
 Caringguy gave you excellent advice. Please do seek out counselling, for you and your husband would be great, if he'll go, but at least go for yourself. It does sound like you could be depressed. You know, most of us would give our right arm for our children, I know I've made many sacrifices for mine, so its not like you are a bad person. Perhaps you didn't use good judgment, and should have spoke to your husband sooner, but you know what? That's over and you need to go forward. We all make mistakes love, and you're trying to make up for yours. Love yourself, and let it go. You can't go back, so go forward. And if your husband wanted to leave, don't you think he would have done so by now? So try to remember that, and stop beating yourself up. Please do seek some counselling, it could make you feel so much better. Take care!
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A
female
reader, lavender girl +, writes (14 February 2010):
I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad at the moment.The very last thing you have been is selfish. Your husband was probably very angry and didnt really know how to react - but it does sound like he is getting back on track and it isnt him that is bringing up the past - it is you who is not able to forget. I think that you may be depressed and should really see a doctor about this and ask if you can have some counselling. You may need some professional help to try and move forward if you are feeling so bad about yourself. Being on morphine for pain relief will be affecting you as well. Please go and get some help as you really can get through this with help.take care and the very best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 February 2010):
You sound like you're slipping into depression, which is going to make all this a lot worse. So I think the first thing you should do is get yourself some counselling to just get all your feelings out so you can understand them. You also need to realize that though your situation isn't great, you didn't cheat on him or spend money on things you didn't need. You spent it on things that you thought were important; your kids. You may have spent a bit too much, but it wasn't wasted. You did what you thought was right, and you need to remember that. It wasn't selfish at all
Your husband does love you, and he has forgiven you. Like most men, he said what he did in a moment of anger and didn't mean it. If he wanted to leave you, he would have done.
Good luck. Go see a counsellor, talk to your husband about how you feel too and get it all out.
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