A
female
age
51-59,
*race89
writes:Well i have been married 14 years to my husband and i will admit i have some confidence and jelousy issues. my husband grew up having problems making friends with guys so he hung out with girls cause they were nicer to him and his child hood was ok but a lot of things but he made to feel bad about who he was. So through the years he has always had more friends that are women and I knew this when we were dating and got married. And we have argued about it for years and i do have to admit he has put up with a lot from me cause i am bi polar and not always take my meds and he would do anything and sacrifice what he needed to do to make me happy and help our marriage to work cause he believes family comes first. So now he is at a point where he just needs friends to be there for him while im working on myself and earning back the trust that he has lost in me. He has a hard time opening up to me me right now becasue i would make him feel bad by judgeing him and accuse so i feel i owe it to him and want to make it up to him buy showing i trust him and let him live the rest of his life with no regrets and not control his life any more or who he hangs out with and what he dose with his single friends that are girls. i think that is what bothers me the most is that all these woman are single or in and out of relation ships with boyfriends. He says he just looks at them as one of the guys and he is not looking for anything and that they have been there for him and helped him when i was not helping him .I truly believe him i just need to get my mind to believe and stop stop questing him and move on with strengtening our marriage and be the wife he need me to be and give him the wife and good life he deserves since i made his life hell for at least 10 years. How do i get over it? How can i get over it or how can i look at it in a positive way?
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (21 March 2011):
 I've generally had far more female friends than male, but it never goes further than friendship. They're absolutely "just friends" and are the same as the guys. They're sisters, not potential lovers. I have never so much as kissed one of them on the cheek. Some men just naturally can separate sex from friendships. If your husband's been faithful to you for this long, I don't think he's going to pick tomorrow to totally change into someone else.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 I know this might sound too simple and not a lengthy in depth advice. But, what if you started to see these friends of his differently? Put them in a new category? Instead of labeling them "single" and "women", you can try to give them names and character, and see them for who they truly are: individuals and people. They are not "single", they are people. They are not "women" as much as they are "friends". See that they are not a black matter of something you can't determine and so you call it "single women". See that they are individuals, maybe they don't even know each other that well, they have other friends and a life of their own. They do things without your husband as well, they are not there to please him, they get back from the friendship just as much as he does. They are not a threat.
Do you think you can do that? How well do you know these women? I don't think you should go ahead and befriend them necessarily, keeping separate friends is a good thing. But do you know anything about them? Where they work, what they do in general, what other friends do they have? Maybe then you can see that their lives don't revolve around your husband, and see them for the individuals they are. They are just people, single or not, woman or man. Just people.
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A
female
reader, sneha09  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 Well the most that matters is he cares for you.Try to listen to him without asking him much.Let him have his friends as he wants and just try to have good times with him,he deserves it rather concentrating on his friends, concentrate on starting each of your day with love and laugh.Don't pay heed to his friends even if they or he seems interested, sometimes we have to walk a long way to get back what we lost.To gain back the trust, just trust yourself and your dedication and give your husband some alone time with friends.
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