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How do I deal with his anger?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 April 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 28 April 2013)
A female India age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I have a boyfriend... we have been dating for lets say 4 years.

In the last 3 years everything was perfect but lately as we have gone to college....i am facing a lot of problems because of him. he keeps yelling at me when he is angry with some one else, he scolds harshly when he is not in mood and when we have fights he says that he is going to break up(over phone ) but immediately texts me saying that "please don't take into consideration what i am saying this is not me but my anger talking sorry" i have no idea how to deal with his anger ? But i still love him a lot.

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A male reader, Darrell Goodliffe United Kingdom +, writes (28 April 2013):

Darrell Goodliffe agony auntI would say the first thing is that you shouldnt have to deal with his anger, he needs too because it is crossing a line. We all have a rant and rave, hell I do it with my friend nearly every day about work, but the difference is i never turn it around on her, start insulting her etc and he is doing this to you. He is taking things that are not directly your fault out on you and that is where the line is being crossed.

You need to be firm with him, he has an anger management problem which he needs to deal with. I am sure you would be supportive of him during that process but for your part you need to not let him worm his way back in to your affections so quickly with an easy apology. If you dont stand up for yourself now then this is a dangerous pattern which could lead to some dark places because in accepting his apology so quickly you are green lighting him, saying this kind of behaviour is ok which it isnt, long term this will destroy your self esteem and eventually the relationship so standing up to him is the most loving thing you can do for his sake and yours. Good luck.

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A male reader, peanut_gallery United States +, writes (28 April 2013):

It appears he doesn't know how to deal with his anger either. Maybe it's related to the stresses of being part or perhaps he isn't integrating into his new environment as well as he'd like to. Either way, these appear to be outbursts and there is usually and underlying reason.

At some point he will have to tell you what is really going on. Depending upon how close you really are, you could try telling him that you love him but that the yelling, scolding and outbursts will have to stop. Help him get to the bottom of it. Hopefully you will see an improvement soon. If you don't........

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