A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am currently in a LDR relationship. I have been working hard saving up to pay for the plane ticket in order to visit my boyfriend. However, even with my working, I am still short in cash and will only be able to visit him for a few days without his help.I am too shy and too prideful to ask him for money, since our relationship is fairly new, but I really want to see him for more than two days. He knows I am saving up, and has not offered to help pay. I'm not sure what that means, or if he simply thinks I can afford everything.How do I ask him for help or hint at it without seeming needy?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 May 2011):
I think the two posts below have covered it. But just for a male point of view, I'm also in an LDR, and I always go to my girlfriend. We split the travelling costs in half. I would probably say to you that if at this tie you don't have the money, tell him that you are still saving, but don't ask for help. See whether he offers it. If he doesn't, then be wary and then suggest splitting the travelling cost (he really should help you to be honest). But, like I say, see whether he offers first.
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 How far away is he from you? If you were to go, why would you need more money apart from the ticket? Did he not offer for you to stay with him? I'd feel more comfortable if my partner were to visit me.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 it's early days in this relationship as you said it's a 'fairly new' relationship. And you need to save up the money, which is good discipline for you, to try to save up the fare.
But...
It's never a good idea to be too eager and too impatient in a relationship. He's not suggesting he will save up to visit you?
It's also good practice for the guy to come to you, not you go to him. He's a LDR partner. And although he seems wonderful, there is more to learn about him yet.
I certainly would not be asking him for the money to help you get to see him. Then you will be in debt to him. It's sending all the wrong messages.
Let him know you really care. But that you need to pace your saving. And so you need to add another six months saving, so you can live and enjoy your life while you save. You probably need a much better buffer of money than you realise.
Travel plans are often subject to all manner of additional expenses people did not anticipate. So you need more of a buffer than just the air fare.
And in the interim maybe he will make the effort to come over and visit you?
Allow him to spend his money to visit you and the initiative to plan his journey to see you.
That will help you gauge how committed he really is to you.
Good luck with this budding LDR, just don't rush it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 I wonder how come he is not working hard and saving money to visit YOU.
Ok, ok, gender equality, men and women are the same , with the same rights and duties, women can take initiative ,not just wait to be courted etc.etc.
But, statisticaly speaking, from Dear Cupid it appears there is a much bigger number of women planning and scheming and saving to go reach their LDR men than viceversa...
interesting, and a bit disquieting.
Anyway, just tell him what you told us. You are working hard and saving as much as you can to visit him, but that still won't be enough for more than a couple of days . It would not make much sense to invest in a ticket plan and then just stay so little time, so you will have to reschedule, unless he can perhaps suggest some solution.
If he is keen to have you there and CAN help he will say : "don't worry, I'll pay for you ", or " you can stay with my relatives " or come up with some plan.
If he is keen but CANNOT help you, he'll say, I am so sorry , I was counting days, but unluckily I cannot help you now, reschedule and I will start saving too to help you with expenses.
If he just says : OK, whatever , reschedule, see you when you'll have enough money.... that's your clue that he is not that into you and it's time to start shopping for another bf.
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