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How did she get over me so quickly??

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 November 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 November 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My ex and I broke up three weeks ago. She started university in Sept and became more and more distant. I got insecure which pushed her away. She said when we split that she didn't want to lose me completely and that she still loved me. We still speak every now and then as friends but I love her and miss her so much. I'm not letting her know this however. What hurts is that she seems to be so happy now. It seems like I never meant anything to her. This was so sudden. How did she get over me so quickly?

View related questions: broke up, insecure, university

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A female reader, BadAsh6705 United States +, writes (26 November 2007):

BadAsh6705 agony auntI think you need to let her be off and do her own thing. I'm sure she still cares about you very much and thinks of you still, but at this age in life I have found that it is so hard to keep a relationship especially with school and work and we are doing so much for ourselves and establishing who we are in life and that is something that you have to do on your own.

If it is true love, she may go out with other guys and have a lot of fun without you, but at the end of the day nothing will compare to you, and she will come back.

Just be a friend to her. Keep in touch and be supportive and understanding. Don't wait around, go out and date other people too, and don't be clingy as this will push her away more. The best thing for you to do right now is to focus on yourself and your life and improving it to be happy with where you are without depending on her or anyone else.

Just like that stupid saying that no one wants to hear, but knows is true goes, "If you love something let it go and if it is meant to be, it will come back"

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A male reader, enjoimx United States +, writes (25 November 2007):

enjoimx agony auntYo man im going through the EXACT same thing with my g/f right now.

I went away to school and she stayed behind, but she still seems so happy and like she doesnt miss me at all. I on the other hand, am super bummed and suffer every day.

But, someone told me recently: you only get one life here on earth, so dont waste your time being sad. I think that is what our girlfriends realized (which is why we love them so much, because they are such smart people :) but anyway...you have to move on..it will hurt...you need time. It sucks im going through it too but every day it gets a little easier...it has been 2 months for me...and i feel like crap most of the time, but there are now moments when i dont think about her. Those moments will increase in frequency with time.

Dont try to talk to her, it will only set you back at square one in the moving on process!

Good luck man and email me if you need more specific advice...i am going through the same thing right now!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007):

I'm going through exactly the same thing with my ex boyfriend - it's a total nightmare, the feeling that only one of you is giving the split the sadness it deserves. He started Uni this year too and there's been hell to pay ever since we split.

First of all, it's always, always harder for the one left behind. No exceptions. We're still surrounded by things that remind us of them, we have to boycott almost every song we hear because it's obviously about them - we can't even go for a coffee without imagining the missing half sitting opposite you.

For them, it's a totally different thing. They're in a completely new place with new people and I think that, for a while, they're so wrapped up in meeting new drinking partners and going to weird clubnights that they seem to forget about you - because there's nothing where THEY are that reminds them of YOU. They don't want to talk as much which is a pain in the arse because all we want to do, all the time, is talk to them. And then when we DO talk to them, we're on the verge of tears half the time, and we have to bite our tongues to stop ourselves from saying stupid things.

However, I know at this point moving on is unthinkable - when you end a relationship as good as yours, you need time to just sit there and feel like hell.

But think of all the best times you've had together, when you've both been at your happiest with each other, and you'll KNOW that you meant something to her. If you feel like she doesn't care about you anymore, then just try to remember that she's in a student utopia with LOTS of distractions.

(Besides, if it's any consolation at all, from what I've been told the first few months of Uni are so exciting and brilliant that they forget what it's like to miss anybody. It's when their exams arrive in January that the novelty starts to wear off, and they'll begin to realise what they've missed - and THEN they get VERY upset.)

It might get worse before it gets better, but I'm afraid all you can really do is grit your teeth and sit it out, and try and keep yourself busy. She's NOT over you, she just doesn't have time to think about that stuff now - but she will. Promise. :)

I really hope things get easier for you as soon as possible. 3 xx

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A female reader, love-him United Kingdom +, writes (25 November 2007):

love-him agony auntHi hon, maybe the reason she is trying to look happy, is because she wants you to think she isnt as upset as she really is? If you still love her then maybe you should tell her, as you both may feel the same, and just too worried to tell each other =/ .. If she says she still loves you but wants to be friends, after you tell her then, you will need to accept it, im so sorry, I hope you are ok, Feel free to mail me about anything :) x

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