A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to understand how an earth this is even possible for a guy to be attracted to and why? I've never, ever understood it! This guy I know, we've been talking for months and we've been out about three times and he asked if I wanted to be friends with benefits, he asked because neither of us want a relationship, or any commitment. I've never wanted a relationship.Point is, I am very attracted to him and I want to, I know it's not a classy, or dignified thing to do but I am intrigued by it and it seems fun and only I can judge myself if I do it, it's nobody's business. But before agreeing, I told him I would like to but I still haven't had sex so I don't think the benefits for him would work out too great. I've done everything but sex since I was 18, I'm 22 now so I'm not entirely inexperienced. But my reason for not having had sex is because I always believed in 'the special one' and that I wanted it to be a guy I was dating properly for a few months first, someone I've known for a while. But since being in university that thought faded quickly and now I don't believe I have to be in a relationship for it, because I honestly think if it feels right and I'm comfortable and sure of it that it's what I want to do, then I will. I don't want to put a date limit on it before i do since I've dated a lot of guys and only one was I definitely sure of it with and I knew I wanted to after a few weeks of knowing him, but he wanted to wait (typical), so we never did. Point is, I feel incredibly attracted to this guy more than any guy I've known and around him and the sexual tension is very evident with us, my urge to have him on me and us to do things is so high. I feel really comfortable with him, there's no awkwardness and I feel like I can be myself and say anything which makes me feel comfortable about it. But when I told him that I hadn't had sex before, he was really surprised because I was 22 and said it was very rare someone my age hasn't. But he said he was fine with it if I was, which I am. But what's confusing is why would he be okay with having a friends with benefits with a 22 year old who hasn't had sex. Surely when we do it'll be awful for him and he wont be getting any real benefit out of it. But he said it made me sexier knowing I am, yet I can't understand one bit why he liked that I hadn't slept with anyone yet and would still want a to be fwb after knowing it? Please any advice as I can't figure out how it is attractive, a turn on or anything having a 22 year old virgin? Surely wouldn't a guy want someone more experienced?!
View related questions:
friend with benefits, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): To answer your questions why he is ok with being FWB with a virgin : because he is a jerk. You can tell yourself all you want about you being so young and to not wanting a relationship and so on, but you will want to be with him and not just on physical level after yu guys do it.
As someone said here, he is not thinking with the wrong head here, and I don't think you think at all.
The last think you need to worry here about is his physical pleasure, he is very much capable to take careof this part of the problem.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 March 2014):
 I can't tell you how much experience is over-rated. Experience is nothing compared with enthusiasm, with really letting go and getting into the moment. You've done 'everything but' so it's not like you're some 'never been kissed' kid anyway. If you're really into it, he will have a fabulous time.
That's not to say that I don't echo the others -- I think FWB for a first time is a terrible idea. It will make for a vastly better memory for you if you're in love the first time.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2014): You made me laugh!! Why do you think it will be awfull for him? To have sex with a 22 years old virgin? It would be very inconsiderate and aloof for him to take advantage of the situation and of you honestly very strange for me state of mind. You were holding it off for such a long time, and now you are thinking of giving it to a guy who has no feelings for you and wants a fuck buddy? Before doing if you ever going to do it think about differences in our bodies and how we function differently , men and women. He can have sex with a goat which men did centuries ago when there was no eligible women to fuck. For most men if they want sex especially at the age of 20 they literally will do it with anyone, it has nothing to do with liking a girl. Many single men adopt a behavour of having several women on hand so when they have the urge they are able to call them and have their quicky. You are talking about chemistry, sexual tension, feeling comfortable around him, and all he thinks about is him inside of you. Don't have too many illusions about him " liking " you. Men can have sex with someone they don't even find pretty. For them it's a pure physical act and nothing else.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 March 2014):
 Are you kidding ? For some guys is a HUGE turn on- playing the sexual Pygmalion, teaching you all the " tricks " , molding you sexually according their own personal style ,quirks and desires .. plus, not having to fear comparison with other lovers that they feel may have been better than him and given you more pleasure.. plus, you will be inexperienced so probably not aware still for a while of what exactly floats your boat , of how exactly you want things to be done to and for you, where and when...you won't KNOW ( at least not the very first times ). He can take his pleasure how he wants it without having to worry that you say : No darling, not yet, let's go on with cunnilingus for another twenty minutes ok ?,lol. You'll probably would be eager, trustful, compliant, undemanding and anxious to please him and look good. For some guy, you'd be a sexual dream come true, and the benefits would be massive.
Plus, let's be realistic - men aren't that worried ( and don't have much to worry ) about " bad sex ". I am not saying that men cannot discriminate between a great sexual experience, and an average one or an uninspiring one- they can, and they do. But nature made so easy for them, and basically, mechanical, to reach orgasm , generally within minutes. And orgasm is a very good sensation. So even if the guy should not like the girl, or the experience, or the atmosphere, or whatnot- at least he will like the orgasm, he has not got anything to lose anyway, it will never be TOTALLY wasted time. I'd say the benefits would still definitely be there for him regardless of your inexperience. I don't know about you losing your virginity is a delicate, awkward moment , and I think it happens MUCH better in a context of mutual tenderness, mutual care - but that's another story . If you are only worried that you won't give him enough fun- oh no, reast easy.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (21 March 2014):
I don't think it's a bad thing as far as experience goes, as long as the girl is open minded and enthusiastic. Guys will have sex with any woman (experience wise) as long as she doesn't lay there like she would rather be doing something else. No guy likes that.
So, virgin or not, if you interact and enjoy yourself he will.
Personally I wouldn't have a fwb with a girl who was a virgin because it's inevitable she'll want more than just fwb. This guy knows this but is thinking with his dick too much to care.
I'd not recommend it for you either. You'll start caring about him then you'll get hurt.
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (21 March 2014):
 FWB is all the physical benefits of being in a relationship without any of the responsibilities, obligations or (at least in theory) emotional attachment.
Many, many guys LOVE this sort of arrangement because they get free sex. By free I mean they're neither having to wine, dine, or chase you beforehand, nor pay a professional for an hour or two of her time each "encounter." They don't have to hang around afterward and cuddle you (although some will) and the word "love" never needs to be spoken.
If anything, you as a virgin are arguably MORE appealing for something like this. You've never had sex before so your odds of having an STD are much lower. And since you've never had sex, you have no one to compare him to. He doesn't have to worry that you're going to think he's a bad or selfish lover (even if he is), or isn't as well hung as the last guy you were with, because you have nothing and no one to compare him to. Really, it's not much different than guys' fascination with getting into relationships with virgins even if they themselves are experienced. Search this site and you'll see what I mean. The fewer sexual partners a woman has had, the MORE enticing many men will find that.
As to whether you should actually do this? My opinion, *absolutely not*. And I say that as someone who's had more than one of these FWB arrangements in the past. I didn't lose my virginity that way, and would neither want to nor advise it for others. There's nothing wrong with casual sex if it doesn't clash with your conscience, but you only get one first time, and you deserve for it to be special and something you will remember positively and not with bitterness.
Even people who go into FWB with many past experiences and confidence in their ability to keep sex and emotions separate often end up getting hurt when they develop an attachment their casual partner doesn't share. Since you have NO idea how sex is going to affect you emotionally (and it will), you'd be much happier sharing the experience with someone who is going to be loving and supportive of you before and after the act, too. He doesn't need to be a virgin and the two of you don't need to be married, but he should be someone who values you as more than a f**k buddy and genuinely cares about your feelings.
Best wishes!
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 March 2014):
 because getting laid is getting laid.
DO NOT accept his offer... your first time should be with someone special that you love that loves you back!
FWB IMO is for divorced older folks who have an itch to scratch....
the key is YOU feel attracted to him and want MORE than FWB even if you don't want a "relationship" he just wants to get laid... if you sleep with him you will care more and more about him... and when he does NOT return those feelings it will destroy you.
NO...just do not let him bully you into this.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2014): So, you still haven't met that special one to have intercourse with, but it was ok in a meanwhile to put someone's penis your mouth or do other things, I don't kow what you mean by everything. Really, so called "virgins" who had all kind of sex but vaginal intercourse. "Virgin" doesn't just mean you have only Intercourse to go through, it means purity, that no man touched you before. Modern "virgins" give blow jobs in a club' s bathrooms, have anal sex and do other things but not intercourse and still call themselves virgins. Actually I don't even know why you call yourself not experienced. When I first started having sex , I had I intercourse to begin with and then learned all other tricks like oral sex. What experience do you need for intercourse? Just watch some porn, it's not that big of a deal just to lay and spread your legs, and the rest the nature will take care of. If youdid "everything" else, believe you are experienced enough for FWB which in a first place is not a big honor to be involved in. Why do you even consider FWB.? Doesn't it bother you that at the same he sleeps with several other women, that he has no feelings for you? That surely not the way to loose your "virginity" status. And to answer your question why he wants it with you? Because he doesn't care . He doesn't care about virginity or you enough to date, he just wants available pussy whenever he feel like it. Don't think he likes you that way, that's why he offered to you to sleep with him. He doesn't need to like to have sex with you. For guys it's like a snease, they don't connect sex with emotions like we girls do.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2014): From my understanding, guys do like being that special first guy. Also have you ever considered he just likes you? FWB doesn't mean it's just "business" with no emotions involved.
I had a similar experience. A (married) guy wanted to have a relationship with me, I had no experience either and he knew it. On top of that, I told him I wasn't sure I was willing to go all the way either, and although we were lovers for about 6 months, we never went the whole way. Yet he still stayed with me. We broke off for other reasons and have remained friends.(No flames about the affair please).
But on a different note, FWB isn't a good idea if you can see yourself falling for him...
...............................
|
