A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I have something that has been affecting my life for a while and I am the type of guy who soposedly dosen't exist in the american media. I have the body and appearance of a jock with a brian and social behavior of a nerd to put it in high school terms but I couldn't think stronger and more accurate way of describing myself. I have had individuals of the opposite sex hit on and throwing themselves at me for my entire existence if I'm the situation right but I also have pdd which is a social disorder so I will always second guess myself if I am teading the situation correctly and even simple things such as being called honey or baby, or being looked at or patted on my arm or shoulder, and even having simple favors being done for me such as having doors opened for me or being aloud to cross the street by young women. I have had enough extremely bizzar and cruel experiences for four lifetimes already though. for one my Father has always been suicidal, depressed, disordered and unforgiving for my entire memory and has always blamed me for making his life more difficult and acuses me of always failing him as a son and even phycologically bareate me for four hours for basic human errors and an entire week for an actual mistake or slight lapse in judgement. My Mother was also intensely over protective and hardly allowed me to leave the house and would always call me once every three hours once I did and herself hated the company of other people.To add to this I have almost lost my life four times and have NEVER been aroud healthy people regardless if it's normal to be healthy in this day in age or not. I grew up around all of the Appalachian trialer park kids in which in the eyes of the local boys, being violent, destructive, disrespectful, unintelligent, and abusive to all and durring my teen years I strongly suspected that I was gay because all I have ever wanted to do with and in my life is to help, support, love, and protected other people rather than destroy them physically or phycologically. I felt this way just as much in a technical program in college where all the guys would have weekly compitions to see who could screw the highest number of different girls, get blacked out stoned or drunk, go to the county jail the most often, the most strip clubs, or steal as many possessions as they can from the university that week. Maybe this is just normal gollege stuff but I didn't feel normal and even gay for not liking strip clubs or screwing compitions.I'm not certain if I'm straight or bi but I have never done anything with a female and I am basically a 25 year old virgin when it comes to women/girls due to the fact that I turned 24 at the end of this September. I feel very torn apart because I am beginning to believe that I am very well liked but completely inexperienced. I feel like the loser who can't get the girl but could never stop getting attention.
View related questions:
depressed, drunk, university, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 December 2012):
You're getting tons of attention you say, and girls throw themselves at you, yet you sit and tell us you can't get a girl? Sort of contradicts itself, doesn't it? How about you take one of these girls who throw themselves in your direction, and ask her out on a date? Get to know her? See what she's like? Never mind your level of experience, your life is not a game where you need to "level up" in order to get some prize, or in order to continue in the game. Virgins marry each other and "move on" in life, they didn't need a high level of experience to do it. Also, people can end up married to their first ever boyfriend or girlfriend, also without the "high level", whatever that means.
So, who cares about what level of experience you are on, you're not auditioning for a porn you know. Having a relationship isn't like having a job where you need to be qualified with the right experiences...
If you're not sure if you're straight, gay, or bisexual.. well, just go with the flow of things. Do what yoy'd like to do, if you meet a cute girl or guy then ask them out. Then you'll figure things out. And it is with labels as it is with levels, you do not need to label yourself. You are who you are, and your sexual orientation fluctuates through life. Well, some stay solid in their lane, but most people do fluctuate a bit, and are interested in experimenting to figure out what they like and enjoy the most. So, you don't need to decide just yet, you can change your mind your entire life if you feel like it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): Okay know this:
1. Your parents were wrong in how they treated you. They are two psychologically ill people who found each other and had a kid who they took their illness out on. Your dad has some serious issues and it was not fair to take it out on you. Your moms paranoia is not normal.
2. Consider yourself lucky you are goodlooking. Congrats you won the looks lottery. Enjoy it, be glad.
3. Congrats on that nerdy side of you. Hopefully you've channeled your smarts towards a great career?? If not, get on it. Don't waste your talents.
4. You're 25. Many men still haven't grown out of that boy stage at your age. You're still learning to be confident and accepting of who you are. Be kind to yourself, it takes time to really get to know yourself and be confident in your own skin.
5. Women will always be around. My husband is super smart and good looking, but was so ackward he didn't lose his virginity till he was 28. He made up for it in his 30's with the number of women he dated/slept with. Just consider yourself a late bloomer slightly. Obviously women are interested you are good looking and smart, so it's a matter of building your confidence.
I highly recommend you get away from your parents - a long distance relationship would work best. Get away from that poverty stricken area you grew up in. Get counseling to build your confidence. Go make friends. When you go out practice meeting women.
This is not the end of the world. You are completely normal. Just growing up and figuring yourself out - some people figure things out sooner, some don't till they're 40. Hence the counseling, it'll help speed things along.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2012):
 You must have pretty mild PDD. My son has PDD-NOS and he is pretty much nonfunctional in terms of social skills and living independently. PDD is rough. For those that don’t know what it is, it’s Pervasive Developmental Delay. It’s on the autistic spectrum.
For one I’m sorry your father is not coping well, my ex-husband also has a hard time relating to my PDD kid.
Are you in any programs that work on your social skills?
Do you attend workshops for school/job training? Are you living with your parents or in a group facility?
While your past helps define you, it does not limit you. What you need to do is work with a counselor to help figure out what social cues you miss…. It’s not easy. My son will be 29 this spring and he’s “dated” but his choices are never appropriate and the relationships never last.
He meets most of the girls he dates at his program or his workshop….
I really strongly suggest you get into a program that keeps you busy 3-5 days a week….
...............................
|
