A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I cheated on my wife a few weeks before we got married and now I am constantly worried she will find out. Im not proud of myself and would change it if I could but I cant. I didn't have sex with this other women, she gave me a handjob on my stag night dressed as a naughty nurse, which is the job my wife does. My best man got me the stripper but since I confessed to him, he has been really distant with me. His girlfriend is good friends with my wife after we all started going out together. Now they go shopping together every week and im worried that my mate has told his girlfriend and she would tell my wife. We have only been married 9 weeks, and her gran gave us often money to buy a house together for a wedding present, so we are looking at homes and thinking families. I think if I told her right now she might forgive me and stay with me. So im asking ladies on here if they would qnd / or what would help to get her to forgive?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2012): Keep it to yourself and deny it as a bad rumor if someone ever brings it up. This will only cause her pain.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2012): "or what would help to get her to forgive? "
You can't "get" someone to forgive you. And in this case, it's not appropriate to even try because you haven't done anything to deserve forgiveness.
All you can do is own up and tell the truth. And then let the cards fall where they may. Yes your marriage may very well be over, but actions have consequences, that's life. Better that it happens now, before you buy a house and start a family, than later. Don't even think about keeping it secret until you have a house and kids together and then hopefully the house and kids will trap her into staying with you. that would be just about the lowest thing you could do to your wife.
There's a very good chance she'll find out anyway from your best man's gf. Friends look out for each other, so if this woman is a true friend she will tell your wife.
She may still leave you either way but at least her parting thoughts won't be to think you a coward and liar if you owned up rather than got ratted out.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 Tell her. You can't live like this, and she deserves to know the truth. You can't build your marriage on a lie. Thereæs really no other option, you can't keep quiet about this until you die as it will make life hell for you, and you know your wife deserves an honest man who loves her and doesn't cheat or lie to her. So she needs to know, so whe can be able to either forgive you, or pack up her bags and leave. Right now your marriage is just a charade, and the longer you wait with telling the truth the more your wife will feel like a fool, like the laughing stock of everyone.
Treat her right, do the right thing. Then see what happens. You don't really have any other choice but to tell her.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 I think the best thing for you to do is to tell her. I cannot say if she will forgive you or not, but she deserves to know the truth plus you will feel much better for getting it off your chest. You will need to work hard and prove to her that you are worth more than what you have done and you will need to prove to her that she can trust you, which will be a hard task but that is what happens when you let your guard and self control down! Time to be honest with her and tell her what you done with this women before you get a house together or even think about starting a family.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 I would definitely say that now is the time to tell her, BEFORE the house and before kids. You do not want this hanging over your marriage. This also raises issues with you in regards to your own self-control. What if this happened again, and you found yourself in a similar situation?
You did cheat on her. What if you found out that at a party, a hot shirtless guy caressed your fiance's clitoris with his hands until she reached an explosive amazing orgasm, you'd be devastated. I would go so far as to say that if she were even deep kissing this guy and the hands were roaming all over, you'd be devastated.
Normally, I don't help cheaters with pathetic excuses, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'm not sure about you. Do you want to tell her because you're afraid of being CAUGHT?! Or is it because you feel horror that you had it in you to do this to her? There's a distinction, you know. It frankly pisses me off that you're more afraid of being caught. What if there was no chance that you'd be caught? Would you still tell her, or would you let it be a secret forever?
I think you should tell her no matter what the reason, but you need to do some serious soul searching, because if I were her, I wouldn't trust you at all, and a good marriage can't work without trust. The fact that you're thinking of spilling only because you're afraid of being ratted out leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): I forgave my boyfriend for cheating on me and I regret doing so I have to live with the fact that he didn't respect me enough to say no. I would respect her now and tell her the truth and live with the concequences of your actions she's less likely to forgive if your prolong it and lie its just as bad as the cheating tbh.She needs to know that you are no a honest man but you want to be one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): "I think if I told her right now she might forgive me and stay with me."So tell her. It's better for her to find out from you than from someone else. You're absolutely right, she would be A LOT more likely to forgive you if you're the one to tell her. If someone else got to her first, you would stand little to no chance, because she would assume since you hid it from her, it means you don't regret it. She would also feel like she can't trust you again, and would wonder what else you're hiding.
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