A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 27 years old, and have only really cared about one man my whole life. We worked together and eventually slept together (the first time for me). At first we tried to stay away from each other because we knew it wasn't a good idea to date at work. Eventually, we fell in love and carried on a relationship for three years. We broke up several times, and I eventually hid the relationship from my family and friends and pretended I was single because I knew that our relationship was toxic for me (he did cruel things a lot, and could not follow through on any committments, but was never abusive in any way and was very loving when we were together). We just ended our relationship this week, again, and I want it to be for the last time. How can I finally make a clean break, and how do I do this without confessing that my heart is broken to my family and friends?
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female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (20 May 2008):
 Oh hon. I'm so sorry. You won't believe this now, but it really does get better.
Let the people who love you LOVE you. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Sometimes the heart just wants what it wants, and it over-rides your brain for a while. Your brain is back; feel energized at that.
You know that if one of your friends/family members confessed to you that she let her heart do thinking and now it was broken that you'd do whatever you could to help her out. Trust that they can help. Trust that they WANT to help.
As for the toxic guy, cold turkey is your answer. If you can change jobs, do, but if you can't, be totally professional at all times. Don't answer his calls on your cell or at home; block them if you can. Set up a "rule" on your home e-mail to dump his e-mails into the Spam folder unread. Give your heart the space it needs to heal.
What also works is keeping busy; get involved with your friends again, take a class (dance, yoga, drawing, math?, anything), join a club, play a sport. (Bonus points if it's with people.) Keeping busy does 2 things: keeps you from wallowing and builds your self-esteem. Self-esteem is sexy.
This will pass and you'll be much better off. Good luck hon.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Try not speaking with him or seeing him - that would do it. If it means chaging jobs - maybe it's time.
Go out with friends, get a life that doesn't involve him...move on.
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