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How can I deal with this girl who keeps hitting on me?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 June 2010) 11 Answers - (Newest, 24 June 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Where to begin. First I am posting anonymously because the girl that I have an issue with found my post on the user name last time. But my situation from before was that my neighbors are quite close with my family.

This has been going on for nearly a year now and I quite honestly can not get it to stop. I'm 20 and about to turn 21 in a month, but the girl is only 16 still, and will be 17 in two months so there is already the issue there.

The main problem is that her parents are close friends with my own, and I am currently taking classes at my house so I am not able to necessarily move out.

Now to the problem. This girl is eerily in love with me and has done many things now that have come close to practical rape. There are many instances to mention but I will keep only mention the worse.

Also, this girl is not unattractive by any means; she is quite beautiful to be honest but I have a feeling has been burned many times before. She has been in relationships before and they've ended badly. Occasionally I would talk with her and make her feel better about herself, and now it has come down to this.

There are days that there family will come over for a cookout or something similar, which is fine. However one time during a cookout I didn't see the girl outside when I knew she had come over. At first I thought nothing of it until later that night when I went on my computer.

She had taken pictures with a digital camera of herself doing various things which I will not mention atop of my bed and with my boxers and saved them to my computer with a little text note saying they were special just for me.

Upon further investigation she had left the pair of panties she had on at the time in my pillow case.

Another time when we were at her house, she wanted me to help fix her computer problems in her room. I accepted because in front of everyone it would seem a bit odd to deny her help. Now when I went to her room, she constantly would flash her panties at me through her skirt while I was under the computer. Quite literally standing over me.

She made sexual advances on me while I was in her room and I quickly fixed the issue which looked self made, and left the room.

Afterwards she came over to my house to thank me for my help and again gave me the pair of panties she had, saying that since I saw so much of them I should have them.

I quite honestly do not know what to do with her. She has started this for more than a year and her parents are of little help. When I talked to them about this, they were happy that she found someone nice. Not even worrying that I am nearly 4 years older and she is still underage. Help please thank you.

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A female reader, Elydiese United Kingdom +, writes (24 June 2010):

why not lie and just tell her you have a girlfriend she might back off

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A female reader, england_rock_chic United Kingdom +, writes (24 June 2010):

I disagree with people saying stay away from home, you should be allowed to go home when you want etc.

Say to her this behavior has to stop now, and you're really not prepared to put up with it.

Tell her you do mean it and she can try to pretend its not happening but it is.

Tell her she's to young for you, and you're not attracted to her in that way, and you're not prepared to be locked away because of what she wants.

Be blunt with her.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Sorry for not providing my resistances as well, I didn't want to appear long winded. I have often resisted her and she just ignores it, or accepts my resistance as a matter of fact and resumes at another time.

I've tried talking to her about this and she just keeps trying to be flirty and say that I don't mean what I'm saying. Even when I'm being insistent with her.

If anything I can try to take her out for a date, and make sure she knows we are just friends and maybe she will come to realize something. I've never kept the things she's done or given me, and I would not want to either. Whenever she gave me a pair of panties I would return them to her immediately or discreetly if she would not take the hint.

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A female reader, NoBabyYes21 United States +, writes (23 June 2010):

NoBabyYes21 agony aunttry and stay away from home a lot. go out more and meet more girls who youll like. find a girlfriend.

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A female reader, Gabrielle Stoker United States +, writes (23 June 2010):

Gabrielle Stoker agony auntTough problem. Is she psychotic? Have you tried being blunt with her? Need more information. This reminds me of that old movie 'Crush' where Alicia Silverstone plays a psycho-stalker teen.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

ummm, you could say you're not interested in jail bait that acts like a skank? Truth hurts. Might get her off your back

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A male reader, Griffo Australia +, writes (23 June 2010):

Griffo agony auntWell you twat, you never mentioned once that you have asked your to stop and that you are not interested in her. Have you actually done that? Or do you just expect it to all go away by "playing hard to get" which is what you are doing. Grow a pair of balls tell her your not interested and that to stop doing all the annoying things she does.

If you don't say anything it basically mans that your invitng her to keep doing it. And she will keep doing it untill you say something to her face. Your just allowing her to play the chasing game.

Even try saying it in front of your parents who cares just be yourself and that's it. She will get the massage with words not actions, actions never speak louder than words!

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A female reader, england_rock_chic United Kingdom +, writes (23 June 2010):

urgh! tough situation!!

I think you're just going to have to be honest with her.

Regarding US law she is underage, however i'm from england where the legal age is 16, so I wouldn't know how to help you there.

Basically, just say to her, you're really sorry but you dont have feelings for her like that, suggest that you'll still be friends and there for her, but nothing else.

Also try telling your parents to tell her parents, it may be a bit more cringey, but if she doesn't leave you alone then you'll have to.

good luck :)

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (23 June 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntIgnoring the fact that she's 16... (and I don't feel right doing so, but you seem like you already know it all already), I have to ask... are you the most passive person alive? Nearly a whole year this has been going on?!

Forgive me, but I'm assuming that although you may be flattered or even slightly enjoy this behavior, that ultimately you want her to stop...right? Or did I misinterpret that? Are you interested in her but worried about the legal ramifications and so forth?

Its pretty desperate tarty behavior, maybe you should set her straight as I'd hate to see what she turns out like down the track if she gets everything she wants this way...

More clarification?

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A female reader, Elydiese United Kingdom +, writes (23 June 2010):

Tell her you are not interested and that if she carries on doing it you will call the police for harrassment

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A male reader, Universe Man United States +, writes (23 June 2010):

I must say you are quite the upstanding gentleman not to have taken advantage of the situation. Hmm, you have hot jailbait falling all over herself to catch your attention, and her parents' blessing? Can I trade my problems for yours?? Sorry, just kidding. Just take it in stride and if it's unwanted, pretend you don't notice or do something slightly condescending like pat her on the head or something?? I don't know, this is honestly quite an unusual problem. Eventually some guy will scoop her up and maybe then you'll be missing the attention. Or not.

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