A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel terrible, so, so terrible. Last night for some stupid reason, I made out with a mutual friend of mine and my girlfriend. We didn't take it to the sex level, more like a behind the bleachers make out. Not that that changes anything or how I feel.I'm so torn up right now, because I've never done anything like this before (in my mid 30s), and said I would never do anything like this to someone I love. I do love my girlfriend with all of my heart. We got into a heavy fight about money the other night, after drinking to boot, which never seems to make things better or easier. I got really upset as did she, I slept on the couch. We've had this fight before, and nothing seems to change. Not that I'm rationalizing what I did, but I think that fight was a huge contributing factor in my decision to kiss this other person. I guess what I'm trying to ask here is how do I handle this situation? I feel like I need to tell my girlfriend, but the last thing I want to do is risk losing her. I know I have already jeopardized things, but I can honestly say that I will never, ever do anything like that ever again. Whats weird is that i feel like i love her even more now. Please help...
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): First up, please own up to this. You know what you were feeling and you knew that making out with a friend was wrong so maybe someone else will say ahhh poor you but it won't be me.
I see your age range so come on, who are you trying to kid here?
You yourself say it was stupid so...
The main problem here is alcohol, your use and abuse of it.
You kissing another woman is in risk of losing her so you did it because you either want to...or to be one up on her, pay back. Either way...this isn't a healthy relationship.
You both need counselling. I suspect this is more than a fight, this is ongoing, deep seated issues at play with everyone's emotions.
You say you love her but you aren't acting like it. Why would this be? Why do you resent your GF? Is she supposed to let you do what you want and sacrifice her self esteem and self respect; that is how she is to show her love and commitment to you? So you can drink more, go out a party more, possibly do drugs more?
Counselling for yourself and couple's counselling.
Or how about joining AA group? They are an amazing group with good guidelines to help sort out your life and relationships. They will have the whys you choose your life partner and why you stay. They will have the whys you feel you can't be without the other...co dependancy on people is highly linked to alcoholics, and children of alcoholics.
I wish you the best and hope you can be strong enough for yourself to get better.
Best Wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): First up, please own up to this. You know what you were feeling and you knew that making out with a friend was wrong so maybe someone else will say ahhh poor you but it won't be me.
I see your age range so come on, who are you trying to kid here?
You yourself say it was stupid so...
The main problem here is alcohol, your use and abuse of it.
You kissing another woman is in risk of losing her so you did it because you either want to...or to be one up on her, pay back. Either way...this isn't a healthy relationship.
You both need counselling. I suspect this is more than a fight, this is ongoing, deep seated issues at play with everyone's emotions.
You say you love her but you aren't acting like it. Why would this be? Why do you resent your GF? Is she supposed to let you do what you want and sacrifice her self esteem and self respect; that is how she is to show her love and commitment to you? So you can drink more, go out a party more, possibly do drugs more?
Counselling for yourself and couple's counselling.
Or how about joining AA group? They are an amazing group with good guidelines to help sort out your life and relationships. They will have the whys you choose your life partner and why you stay. They will have the whys you feel you can't be without the other...co dependancy on people is highly linked to alcoholics, and children of alcoholics.
I wish you the best and hope you can be strong enough for yourself to get better.
Best Wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (16 March 2007):
 We all do things we regret at times. You were angry but you didn't actually sleep or have sex with her did you? If I were you I WOULDN'T mention it. I would put it to the back of your mind and completely forget about it. The guilt you feel after doing it is enough (in my opinion.) Think of it this way.. if meant nothing to you, there was no love or feeling in it true? So it was meaningless. Why risk losing her over something as trivial? It's not as if you were deeply in love with this other person, it meant nothing!
If you can put it behind you and forget about it then I would. It was a one off and not exactly cheating, it was done on pure impulse and meant nothing so in my book I would forget about it and get on with sorting the problems you DO have in your relationship without adding more to them.
Eve
...............................
A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (16 March 2007):
 You should tell her the truth. If the situation was the other way around, would you not want to know?
Honesty is the best policy.
Something is not right for you to allow this to happen, what is if it happens again?
Angel of Love
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): Guilt tends to make us appreciate the loved ones in our life, a lot better. You did a very selfish and damaging thing. This was all about you and just your feelings. So I can't honestly believe you 'love' your gf. This is not a healthy, giving, meaningful love. It's a self-serving entitlement on your part. You are a man in your mid 30's, you ahould be plenty mature enough to deal with challenges and upsetting issues that most relationships have. You got mad at your gf and talking this through, negotiating, compromising would have been the more loving, adult thing to do. However, you made the clear choice to 'boink' someone else--to feel good about yourself. This is all about you, hun and , your ego and how you allowed yourself to get a thrill to appease that ego. There was no excuse. I think you should come clean and tell your gf what you have done. And allow her the choice to forgive you or leave you. It's the fair, decent thing to do. If she stays with you, you and her need to sit down and discuss how the two of can further deal with 'hard times' in your relationship's future without you going out and looking for cheap thrills to 'feel good' about yourself. Hope you do the right, respectful thing by her as I really feel that you should take responsibility and deal with the consequences. Sometimes doing decent things as a human forces us to to extend our compassion by apologizing to the one we truely love. Learn from this. I wish you luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, K3rry +, writes (16 March 2007):
it is right when you fall out with someone you love you do grow more stronger too them and it seems really scary. If you don't want to lose your girlfriend at the minute i think that there is no point in tellin her. You already have some making up to do by the looks of things. making up is hard but if u really do love your girlfriend then you will kno wot to do.
...............................
|
