A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a married woman for about 4yrs i have two children and i am having an affair with a man who has been married for 18yrs and has two children as well. We both work together this is his part time job he works full time during the day elsewhere. We started flirting and talking and then we started having and emotional and physical affair. He would call me everyday and tell me he misses me and after awhile he told me that he was falling in love with me andhe said that he has never felt the feeling he has for me for his wife. we only saw each other at work and after work. everything was fine one day and the next he tells me that he wife has caught him that someone saw him leaving the place that we hang out he denys it but now he tell me that we have to end it. how can he just move on like that and just stop caring. he has told me that someday when finaces were better and we both were ready to leave that he wanted to be with me. did he and does he still care about me and does he think about me and wishes things could be different or do guys just move on with out looking back (oh he also says that he has to cut back hrs or quit all together because the kids want him around more he leave for his first job at 5am and the night we worked together he would not get home till 11pm.)does he think about me anymore its only been 5 days and we still see each other at work.
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Agree with LazyGuy, here. You stopped caring for your husband and now he has stopped caring for you. I mean, if a guy is gonna cheat on his wife, do you really believe he is trustworthy? This was a good test of how much he cared - it came down to you or his wife, and he picked his wife - simple. If he was able to get over you in 5 days, it was clearly, to him, more of a physical affair than an emotional affair.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): i think probably what happened is when his wife had caught him, he faced what it would be like to lose her, and i'm afraid it probably rekindled his love for her that he had forgotten. he probably thought the excitement of being with you was love, but then when he had to realise he might lose his wife, he realised that she meant more to him than he thought.
you should try to find a way of renewing your feelings for your huband, if not for you, for your kids. if there is no more love there for you to find, then you may have to leave him, but i advise you to not cheat, as your kids and husband's hearts would be broken if they found out, and whether you love your husband anymore or not, he is still a person, and a person who has trusted you for so long. end it or work it out, more cheating can only lead to heartbreak for your family.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Simple, exactly the same way you stopped caring about your husband.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): It seems as if you may well be another women/man who has fallen into the dillusion that her/his affair partner was the one and always considered that they felt the same.
It seems that alot of conversation, promises of hope and a future frequently are just as much of a lie as to your relationship with him.
I think you need to understand that he said all these things when he was living a fantasy life, having fun on the side with no committments and strings. Yes of course he told you he care, loved you but all of which has now been revealed as just a way to keep you on tap for him.
He got caught out honey, he had to make some changes and discontinue his affair with you, because he has committments and a life with his family. He may well have nearly lost them, but that is non of your business.
Your should be to consider why on earth you decided to complicate your life so much, with a man who was always unavailable. Now you feel rejected. And you have been.
You wonder why he can just stop caring, well you need to consider if he really ever cared like you wanted him to.
He was married and had a family elsewhere, he had a wife and life away from you, as do you, he didn't want to loose his family for you. Simple as that. Yes he possibly will continue to have affairs, but don't confuse that with love and care. These actions are far from a character of a loving caring and good man.
And I consider you need to reflect on what you consider love and care as well! Your behaviour is equal to his, lies, deceipt and dillusions. Perhaps there is something missing in you which you need to work on.
Why did you start the affair, when married. What made you look elsewhere. You suggested you started the flirtations, what were you wanting to achieve.
Som now that your affair is over and it seems that way, what are you going to do about your marriage and life.
All of your focus is on this man, who has chosen his path, what about you.
You have a marriage and two children, get your priorities straightened out and start to be a better human being with other peoples lives.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Hi Hunny
It sound to me like his life was lacking in some excitment and he needed to find something and he found it in you, I dont mean to sound harsh hunny...He works long hours he is married as you are and his wife has noticed something is amiss and given him an ultimatum..Or he just couldnt keep up the pretence anymore and wants out...He has children and no matter what they will always come first, How many times have you heard "when the children grow up things will be different I'll leave then" Or as he said to you the children are missing me I need to spend more time with them, He has probably realised he cant do it anymore keeping a family happy working so hard and seeing another woman must take it out of you..Did you not ever think that you were tired of the situation even just once when you got home and looked at your husband sweetheart...working an 18hr day or not being home for 18hrs a day only left 6hrs for his family and the time he spent on top of that with you only left how much time.. When did he sleep Its understandable that someone is going to notice something is wrong the fella must be completely wiped out...If I were you I would ask myself what has happened in the four years you have been married for it to come to this so quickly and do you love your husband hunny..If you do then I would stop worrying about this man and work on my marriage before its to late if its not to late already...Its only when that person is gone that we realise what we had, And this man you have being seeing is not going to give up his family for you...Im not being mean as I would never judge you Im being honest and hoping you understand what you may loose, As your mind has been so set on this other guy your thoughts about your husband have gone right out of the window and if you love him then dont loose him...TAKE CARE OF YOU HUNNY WITH LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (28 May 2008):
 i think hun it was fun whilst it lasted it was exciting and naughty. so maybe he got carried away and now their is a possibility that he may loose his family he has relooked at his situation and decided he wants his family..he may have cared for you and really wanted this exciting life with you but i think he has had a big change of heart..i think he does think about it alot and that hes not just looking back but hes being careful that he doesnt loose what he has ie by contacting you...maybe hes doing it for both of you.. he is the only one with the answers to be honest, i think maybe you should move on and look at your own life and ask why did you have an affair ? and why are you leading your partner on ? im not being mean im just trying to help you see why this has happened and what you have learnt from this! thats my opinion aphex x
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