A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for close to 30 years and after a strange happening my husband told me he needs space and doesn't love me any more. Last week he told me he was going to a men's bible study group then came home and said he saw a stabbing and put the woman in a motel a week ago. I was mad not because he helped a woman but because I felt he lied since he said he was at a study group especially when I asked what happened and he wouldnt say. So I slept on the couch and the next day we didn't speak. Over the weekend we went to beach and all seemed well until I asked about the stabbing and then he said it happened 2 weeks ago and he put her in motel and paid for it and he didn't want to talk about it. Then on monday he told me he needed space and also didn't love me any more. He has taken a few things and is staying in a motel. I dont know what if anything I can do to resolve this situation. need help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): soory for your ordeal you are going through.
but i said previously please start investigating. NOW. start at the hotel and who that woman is. you say he has all the money. what do you want - to be divorced and bloke -NO. Please be strong. you have inner strength. plse use it.
do not let him use you as a doormat. you have rights and feelings and if you need to cause a stink about this upstanding moral christian fake, then so be it. do not just be the meek wife who just accepts everything.
you are human, you are alive, so start now. investigate and fight. yes fight for what you want. if you cannot get him, at least get a good financial settlement. you are a mature woman and you have invested your good years with him. now is the time to make your "financial demands" met. be clever about it and start your investigation. expose your husband. do not be afraid. what do you have to lose. also talk to your pastor. do not continue to be the meek, insecure wife. you are strong. you are a woman for goodness sake. you will survive this. yes, it is hurting but plse stategise and win this battle. I WANT YOU FINANCIALLY FIT, you deserve it. You know you do. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe never came over or talked to me like he promised wensday. He always claimed to be a christian man but now he is avoiding discussion I have only been able to text hom. Wensday he said what part of I need space dont you understand and this morning he told my son he wasnt coming back. I have texted him and advised him to file serparation papers so that 1year from that date he can file divorce papers. I am so deeply hurt. He has all the money and he thinks thats why I dont want him to leave also sex in our bedroom hasnt been anything. He has diabetis and always used that excuse now he began to get friscy and I turned him down. Well as I have been saying lately it is what it is. as much as it hurts I need to try and move on but at this moment just dont know how.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Don't believe that stabbing bollocks, sounds like he's just paying some woman that he's seeing to stay in a motel! You don't deserve this!
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A
female
reader, HeartBroken1ncAgain +, writes (6 May 2009):
Sweetie... I honestly say you shouldn't believe him.. Guys hate becoming something else, I honestly don't know what has gotten into them... Maybe y'all were better off like this, maybe this means you'll find a better man who will love you always and forever.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 Not just lying but being really bad about it too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): he is lying, so please start investigating. also look up this woman who he put up in the motel. meaning go confront her and get some answers.
as for your husband, good upstanding christian man that he is, please speak to your pastor about this situation as well.
plse also do your homework about your joint finances. you have invested almost 30 yrs with this man and if he wants a permanent seperation /divorce then make sure you are financially well taken care of. plse investigate all possibilities and scenarois. and negotiate from a poit of strength.
i have commented to a number of "mature" women going through a marriage crises. in these times please work towards being financially fit and not destitute.
good luck and plse keep us posted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the responses. He did say he wanted until wensday to talk. & my son meet him for dinner and only asked for a few clothes I will see what happens this evening. & then I will ask a divorce lawyer for advice
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A
female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (6 May 2009):
 Was it the woman that got stabbed? If so, why would he put in a hotel instead of a hospital? If she was stabbed, she would be hurtng I would think. I don't think he is telling you the truth. Maybe you could ask him where he has been staying and see if you could go meet him there or something to find out the truth. If he does have another woman on the side, which it kinda sounds like he does, then let him know he can stay in that hotel and he'll be receiving divorce papers. You don't need to put up with this from him. I just don't understand why he would do this after 30 years. Maybe he's not happy, you may just want to talk to him a bit about how he feels, assuming you would want to save your marriage. If you don't however, I would just get on with the filing of the divorce and move on in your own way and away from him.
Good Luck!!!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (6 May 2009):
 Oh my lord....
I am so sorry this has happened to you.
I am afraid that his excuse was indeed the lamest one I have ever heard.
Please don't feel foolish for believing him, either. Cheaters are master manipulators, and he is at fault, not you.
You need to see an attorney right away. He is paying for a mistress's living arrangements. You need to separate your finances as soon as possible because god only knows what type of money he is gonna blow on his new woman.
I am sorry to be so blunt. I can certainly understand that you must be shocked and bewildered at this turn of events.
As much as you may want to hear that he will come to his senses, do you really think you can afford him that opportunity after what he has done?
Cheaters lie, then lie to cover it up, then lie to make you think it was YOUR FAULT. Then they lie that they ever lied in the first place.
Please do not believe one word out of his mouth. I would urge you to get tested for STD's as soon as possible. God only knows what he has done sexually, and for all you know, there may be others.
You deserve to be loved and respected, and not cheated on, regardless if there are problems in a marriage.
Not all of us men are such selfish bastards as he is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Too right it doesn't add up! A woman gets stabbed and he puts her up in a motel? I might just possibly believe it if he took her to a hospital, but a motel? He has GOT to be kidding. Call me sceptical, but I think there's something fishy going on here!
No doubt the motel is the same one that he's been holed up in with her.
I think I'd consult a divorce lawyer if I were you - looks like you're going to need one pretty soon.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 Sweetie, sounds like your hubby has gone and found himself another woman!
Give him his space, then either wait for him to decide or give him an ultimatum.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 Don't believ him at all, he has obviously got another woman! Leave him and end things to maintain your dignity, because soon he will end it! X
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