A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So there's this guy that I've known for about a year. We dated for a short time last year, but he ended the thing, because he claimed he had feelings for other girls. We had a good time when we dated, cuddled etc. Nothing sexual, though I felt his boner at times (but he didn't make a move on me). He later said that he needed liquid courage to do anything with me.He's never admitted to being shy/nervous, though, but I'm definitely getting those vibes. When he was sober, he wouldn't touch me or say much, but under the influence of alkohol he kissed me, touched me and confessed his love to me. I was in love with him, of course, and I still am. He knows this.He lives in another part of the country now, and it's difficult/impossible for us to visit each other. But he keeps telling me that he loves me, and we spend a lot of time IM'ing each other. We have a lot in common, "get" each other and are sexually attracted, but I'm confused.The thing is that he's so hesitant. He says that he wants to hook up with me, but keeps making excuses. I am more than willing to travel to visit him. He says that his parents wouldn't like it. I think it's so weird, because he's not a teenager anymore, and should be allowed to have people visiting. I know that he's not seeing anyone else, because he spends most of his time online (we are both geeks with a lot of time on our hands) and he tells me everything. I know that he's chatting with other people, but I feel that I'm special to him. He keeps telling me this, and we can talk for hours every day.His behavior is making me unsure of myself. I'm thinking that maybe he's not attracted to me after all. I won't say I'm bad looking. I've been told by several people that I'm pretty, classic beauty, cute, hot, could be a model. I sound conceited lol. I'm also really tall (5' 11"), tan with a skinny/athletic/curvy body (modelish). Am I "intimidating" to him?He's told me that he's experienced (been with many girls etc.), but I'm not sure if I believe him. I'm thinking that he's making up stuff, to seem impressive. I'm thinking that he may be a virgin/have a small penis/be gay or something else. It's so frustrating, because I love him so much, and don't care about him being a virgin etc. (gay would be a problem, though). I want him no matter what, because he's such a good guy. It's genuine attraction, and it has little to do with what he looks like. Other people says he's not that handsome, but to me he's the most gorgeous person in the world.Why would he give me so much attention and reassurances, if he didn't want me? Is he stringing me along (grass is always greener)? Is he gay (then how come he's getting a boner when I'm teasing him?)? Is he "intimidated" by me? Is he scared of real life relationships? What's up with him?!I have kind of tried to ask him myself (not directly, because I don't want to pressure him or make him feel bad), but I feel I'm not getting straight up answers from him.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 March 2010):
 He's probably thinking you deserve better and what do you see in him. Also he had to work harder to earn your love because you look like a model while you can just get any guy. It creates the imbalance that he might resent in the future. If you become his girlfriend, one of your roles would be to help him become more ambitious and strive for what he's capable of, so all the mental talk about "you deserve better" will cease.
A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (16 March 2010):
What is wrong with you. You sound delightful and need to move on. Remember boys are much less mature than you mentally and emotionally.
May be he likes you as a trophy. Just tell him you want commitment and answers. if he cannot or will not answer you then ditch him! Look for someone who realy wants you!
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A
female
reader, Bloody_Mary  +, writes (16 March 2010):
 I think that he doesn't know what he really wants. He lacks determinacy - if you don't mind that in a partner, go for it. If you do, he is really not right for you. This kind of insecurity may be fine in school, but your age is 18-21, right? I suppose he is your age, and it's a bit old to play shy.
BTW, "I'm good looking so he's probably gay" is a lame excuse. Your looks mean very little when it comes to relationships; I look great and have a wonderful boyfriend, and I have a friend who looks ten times better than me and her boyfriends are a**holes. All of them.
From what you are saying, it seems this guy DOES care for you, but only you can decide if he cares *enough* to be called your boyfriend. I suppose you do, you love him. If I am wrong and you want to upgrade your cuddle bitch to a fuck buddy? Then do it. Just use protection or things might get complicated. But somehow I sense that you really DO care about him. If he doesn't reciprocate, get away from him. Broken hearts heal slow.
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A
male
reader, CharmedNoodles +, writes (16 March 2010):
 Well my dear,it may seem he is really shy.The way you explain it,he is not gay,and I am sure he loves you just the same,he is infact probably inexperienced and also really shy and think's he may hurt you in any kind of sexual processing.He may need some convincing that you really do love him and you do not care,and if you have heard what I have heard,then it's not the size that matters,it's the motion of the ocean lol. He seems to be a nice guy,and I am probably sure too he makes all those stuff up to seem impressive. Tell him how you feel,show him how you feel,and make sure he understands.
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