A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half now. I knew he watched porn in the beginning, which was fine because we weren't sexually active until about 8 months ago. He has a normal sex drive, and I have a relatively high one. He watches porn at least daily, and I've asked him to delete some of it, and he refuses to. He has well over 25GB of porn saved to his computer, which concerns me. I've seen some of it, and it isn't normal things either. A lot of it is odd fetishes and things I can't do. I'm very confused on what to do, because it makes me uncomfortable to know he'd rather watch his odd porn instead of having sex with me.We used to have sex at least 3 times a week,now it's starting to be once a week to once every two weeks at times.I've tried to spice things up, and he just says "I'm too tired" and goes and masturbates anyway. I've asked him to limit this to at least just 3 or 4 times a week, and he says I'm asking for too much. Am I just overreacting or is this a problem? Should I push harder for him to delete some of it? Is this going to be a bigger problem in the long run?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 July 2015):
 Honestly, is sounds like he is NOT into "normal vanilla" sex and ONLY has sex with you out of .. courtesy to you, to keep you "happy".
As for HOW much porn he has? Well, I don't think the amount is the issue. I think the fact that he would RATHER go have "sex" with his right hand than you, is the problem. He could go down to 1 GB of porn and STILL not want to engage in sex with you. You are in the 18-21 age group, so my guess is? He has been watching WAY too much porn, from WAY to early on and now, he HAS to watch the more "extreme" to satisfy himself.
It is NOT you. It's him. Something is up that he can't/won't tell you.
I think his lack of libido when it comes to "physical sex" will drop even more, if he doesn't figure out what's up.
As for you trying to "limit" how much he can watch, don't. As it's pointless, he will just do it behind your back. And it's really not your "job" to try and control his sexuality. If he rather watch "odd porn" then do you... there really isn't anything YOU can do -as YOU are not really the "problem" here, and HE doesn't SEE his porn usage AS a problem.
I think you should tell him that you are NOT happy with the amount of sex you two are having and that you worry that it will only decrease in time, see what he has to say to that.
THEN you decide if what you are "getting" out of this relationship is "enough" for you. He may NOT be the right partner for you.
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