A
female
age
36-40,
*ack2Square1
writes:HiI broke up about a year and the reason it happened was because i had jealousy issues and which made us fight, even though he did nothing to be jealous about , i used to be jealous of the past.He used to say it will only push him and it happened because i was blinded by own actions . After the break up it took me some time to accept it and slowly work on myself and i was trying to get back. But Everytime he would say he wasnt sure or didn't know how he felt, i would feel rejected.After a few months i just stopped talking and he sent me a mail saying even though i had made changes, which he appreciates, he hadn't felt them.Yet and he doesn't see future with me and all that . So i thought he was giving me closure and didn't reply back and started to move on. but one day he contacted me and said he wrote that mail because he wanted to vent his feelings, and wanted to tell it's not a game, and it should be taken seriously .i was confused but after that i started talking to him . Recently i had my IM display message as feeling nostalgic for that he said i shouldn't feel because i got good thing going , he thought my friend and I are having something going on which i clarified , after that he said " i miss you but i am not saying i wanna get back together right now but i just miss u". What does it mean?Also during the conversation he said for the most part i have been sweet on him but it was those small flaws he couldn't handle( me being jealous, controlling), but before that like few months back he said they were major issues. So what should think. should i think that he is actually considering it or still wanting to see if he actually feel i have changed or is he talking it slow or just saying no but saying not right now.
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broke up, get back together, jealous, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 January 2012):
 I think the best thing you can do (for you) is to tell him you need space to work on yourself. And let him go, let the past go.
I agree with Tisha and the retrograde jealousy. This is something you might want to consider finding a counselor or therapist to work on, because it is a hard nut to crack.
Also, I think staying in touch with him is holding YOU back. Look at the relationship. Look at where your actions took you. Look at how it made you feel. Those are the issues you need to work on for future relationships.
I think a lot of people with RJ have self esteem and insecurity issues that they might not even be aware of or WANT to be aware off. So think on that too.
A
female
reader, CollegeCutie  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 that is one frustrating situation and one i can relate too. U cant change what happened in the past you were jealous youve accepted that. its over with. he however keeps contacting you making you think he still has feelings which maybe he does have but that he doesnt want to get back together right now.VAGUE as hell! my advice dont wait for him to make up his mind. Move on look in another direction. You never know maybe once you start looking somewhere else or just start understanding yourself more...as jealousy that isnt caused by the person your with is usually caused by self doubt(im a terribly sufferer of this) he may have finally make up his mind but then its ur choice too what you want to do. Bottom line "play the field" dont go crazy just take some time and figure what you want out without waiting on his every word. hope this helps:)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 January 2012):
 I think he was just saying that he missed you, but that he didn't want you to get your hopes up that you'd reconcile. He was being honest about his feelings, maybe feeling some sadness that the relationship didn't work out but he isn't planning to ask you out again.
I think you should focus on figuring out how to cope with your retrograde jealousy, it's something that isn't nice to deal with but it sounds as though it will be a problem in any future relationships as well, so you might as well figure it out now. Some counseling may be in order for that. There's an article I started on this topic, and one of the aunts mentioned some things about how retrograde jealousy tends to affect women. Here's an excerpt from a post by Yos: "For female RJ the pattern is different.
"She usually fears she will lose him to his former love, to a woman he showed high commitment to in the past.
"So, by calling that woman (or women) a "slut and whore", she's trying to make him believe that she is indeed a "slut". She's trying to make him move the ex from the 'relationship material' category to the 'sex only / slut' category. That makes the ex much less of a risk: he's not going to leave her and go back to his ex if he believes his ex is a slut."
So I think getting some good counseling and support for this will help you figure out how to cope with the irrational thoughts you experienced and find ways to keep this from sinking the next relationship.
I would alas, put the relationship in the history books and consider all the lessons you have learned and what you still need to learn as the legacy. Maybe he was put in your path so that when you do meet 'the one,' you will have figured out how to cope with the irrational thoughts. I don't know, that's just a way of finding the positive in a sad story here.
Anyway, what I would say is don't get your hopes up with him. Work on yourself and the RJ and maybe the next step will become obvious to you.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Back2Square1 +, writes (6 January 2012):
Back2Square1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf he has moved on then why not say he doesn't wanna go back together right now and there was no real need for him to be commenting on my IM status , i didn't ask if he feels nostalgic too
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): I think you need to accept your ex just didn't think you were the right one for him. He was unsure of his feelings for you, which is not a good sign. Not the kind of thing a guy in love would say. Now he's moved on and you haven't so I think it's time you do.
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A
female
reader, Back2Square1 +, writes (5 January 2012):
Back2Square1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReply to this is very much appreciated
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