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He's a drama queen and blows everything out of proportion. But how can I give him support?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 May 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2015)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So I've been in a relationship with my bf for almost 3 years. I have known him for almost 10. when we first got together, it was the beginning, that joy, we couldn't be stopped.

Fast forward to now and I feel like I am going crazy.

Needless to say

I come here often to vent about the crazy and dumb shit he says. I have my issues with anxiety and depression ad have been fighting to regain normalcy in my life for years. I feel sick sometimes talking with him.

My friend pulled me aside yesterday and let me know that she and other friends of ours had discussed doing an intervention...for us.

But they know how he acts and hes a drama queen and blows everything out of proportion. He's wounded from a lot of rubbish, but seems to be more like a spoiled brat.

My friend told me that no one likes him, and they are waiting for me to dump him. I love him and he has great qualities, but he has issues he needs to address.

My therapist, our friends, everyone agrees theres something really wrong with him.

My therapist has her own theories.

But as much of an ass that as he can be I still want to guide him in the right direction in some way. How could I bring up that he may need a therapist too?

He's emotionally constipated and he shits over everything and gets super defensive and it's hurting us. I want him to get the help and outlet he needs, I just don't think I have the stomach for it anymore.

I suggessted a counselor, we went but this lady thinks playing video games 18 hours everyday and spending time 2 hours with me a week is enough.

I wanted a 2nd opinion and he blew up stating that I only wanted a 2nd opinion because I wanted someone to validate I was right.

Help me help him

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 May 2015):

Honeypie agony auntWell, I AGREE with your BF on one thing, you wanted a second opinion because the counselor didn't validate your feelings. He isn't wrong in that statement..... Though I seriously have to question a counselor who thinks playing video-games 18 hours a day IS NOT a problem, let alone demoralizing for a relationship.

HOWEVER, you NEED to accept that THIS is who he is. HE is NOT going to change to PLEASE you. If he at some point GROWS the heck up and puts away the gaming, he MIGHT be able to maintain a "normal" grown up relationship.

YOU also need to accept that you POSSIBLY have outgrown this guy. No amount of "love" from your end will change that either.

You are at a stage in your life where you want/need more from a relationship then he is willing/capable of giving.

So, you can stay - if you can accept that NOTHING on his end will change.. and be miserable.

Or you can listen to your friends who have TRIED to help you. tried to make you SEE some sense, leave him and follow your bliss. For you to find YOURSELF and your SANITY again.

I'm sorry, you can't fix someone who DOESN'T want to be fixed. That is the honest truth. You know this, but presume that because you LOVE him, he will want to BE fixed. That is not reality.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (31 May 2015):

YouWish agony auntYou can't help him. You're not his therapist, and to be honest, you're in no position to be ANYONE's therapist. If being in a relationship with him does you damage, and the bad days outweigh the good now, you need to pull out.

You need to look out for you and let him look out for him. What you're wanting to do with him is not healthy for either of you. Listen to your friends and drop him, because in this couple, you need more help than he does, because you are in denial. You can't fix or change him, and you need to stop trying.

Quit spinning your wheels and get out before you really do spend another 10 years wasting whatever beauty and youth you have left.

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