A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am part of a car share group where one drives and the other three are passengers. We rotate who drives. It works OK. In fact it's very convenient. But two days out of every fortnight there are either one or two of the others not present. Thes occasions become embarassing. if there is three of us after the other person is dropped off first and then there is just me and him. He's 64 and seems to think he's hot.And the worst day is the one when it is just him and me. Separated from his wife. Tells me about his weekend escapades where I just keep my eye on the road and don't contribute in ways that encourage him to say more.He keeps on asking me out, I am married but my husband is away in the Army. There is no way I am every going to cheat. I have told him I'm not interested.In front of the others in the car share he is a complete gentleman and only when alone does he make offers. Whether I am driving or he is driving I have taken to putting my handbag beside me to create a barrier. I try to keep things light and I don't want any nastiness. But I am thinking, do I pull out of the car share. Or how do I firmly deal with him. how?he says things like, "Oh you would be in trouble if I was younger" and one time when I was sick for two days he said "I going to visit you to see if you needed anything"I am independant. I have to be as I am on my own a lot. Plus I have decided that if he dares to turn up at my door that I will not allow him inside. It sounds inhospitable but I do not want him to think just because my husband is away that I would ever consider cheating. Besides it is easy for me to know In would always reject him. He has a huge ego but in truth he is short with greying wiry hair and not attractive at all. It beats me why he thinks he is hot. The other guys are all married and very respectful.Can you suggest anything else I cna do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (27 October 2012):
I'm glad you talked to your hubby about this and have someone to support you.
But really, do not put up with this for the sake of convenience. Trust me, it's not worth it. He's either not picking up the hints or purposely ignoring them hoping you'll be a 'good girl' and give him what he wants (my money is on the latter). Therefore I doubt the magazine trick will work (try it though, you never know). I've had to deal with guys like him and one in particular got really creepy on me when I tried to tell him off nicely. So when he makes you uncomfortable again, speak up.
There are two ways to go about this:
- #1. The diplomatic way: talk to him about how great your hubby is. Then tell him how much he reminds you of your dad, or even better: your grandfather. When tries to flirt or flatter himself, tell him he'd be a great match for that 60 y/o aunt you know who lives across the country. In short: be like a brick: hard and unforgiving. He'll stop hitting on you when doing that stuff only gets him associated with what he's running away from: old age.
-#2. Be straight with him. "Your company is enjoyable, but the flirting and hitting on me really takes away from that. I'd appreciate it if you stop it. I am not interested, nor will I ever be. Please treat me the way you treat [insert the names from the others that ride along] from now on and we can keep having a nice time."
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2012): there is one of the guys in the car share (not the 64 year old) who lives not far from me who I trust and he knows my husband too. So I talked to my husband on the net about this and he said he will speak to this guy about keeping the 64 year old in check.
Plus I will make it very clear in a firm voice that I will not tolerate the 64 year old doing this any more.
I really like the take a book or magazine idea thank you.
We all have a car. But we rotate whose car is used. We do this to save on the cost of wear and tear on the car and fuel costs.
So my driving day is easy as I have to keep my eyes on the road. I don't like the day that the 64 year old guy is driving when it is just him and me after we drop off the other guy .
Getting out of the car mid-journey is not an option. I would be in the middle of no where, with kangaroos for company.
We are about 80 miles from the city centre and we all commute daily. Car sharing is not uncommon to save costs in these situations.
But if I have to I will remove myself from the day where it is just me and the 64 year old if he does not desist.
Thank you everyone for your help. I appreciate it very much.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2012): I agree with anonymous 123, you should talk to him and tell him you are not interested in him and that you won't tolerate anymore of his bullshit. If he continues with this, I'd tell the other guys about whats going on, and I would give him a piece of my mind right in front of the other guys. My parents always to solve problems with someone in private, but if they don't compromise on solving the issue, in this case if he doesnt stop harassing you, then I would just talk to him about it right in front of every body.
This sounds dangerous, so please let the other guys know about what's going on so they can keep an eye on that asshole.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 October 2012):
 Be blunt. Be rude if necessary.
"Stop making advances, I am not interested, and you are making me uncomfortable". Be strict. Look him right in the eyes as you say this. Don't show any sign of weakness, and this is non negotionable. "If you make one more pass at me, or say one more inappropriate thing, I will not continue in this car pool".
Then if he crosses the line again you just stop driving with him. Sure, it's practical, but not when it comes with this harrassment.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 October 2012):
 You are right, you should never allow him into your house if he ever dares to come. Dont contribute to any conversations with him and tell him firmly that you will not tolerate any nonsense from him. Tales of his sexual escapades and and any such bullshit are not welcome.
When he starts talking rubbish, just tell him, "I think I've made myself very clear that I am not interested in you. I refuse to tolerate any talks of a sexual nature and I will report you for harassment if you continue to do so. We are just part of a car share group and that is it. One more offensive statement from you and you just see what I do."
I think that should do it. You can also tell the other men that you go with, that this man is harassing you and maybe you can give him a piece of your mind in front of the others.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 October 2012):
 You have every right to not open the door if he shows up at your home.
Have you thought about bringing a book or a magazine and read when it's just him and you? It's a "nice" way to say I don't really want to interact with you.
However, if it was me, I would actually tell him when it's just the two of you that you would prefer if he could stop with the flirting and hitting on you, that it makes you uncomfortable as you have absolutely no interest in any other men then your husband and if he doesn't stop you will find another way to get to work. Either he will respect it or he won't and you will then have to decide what you are going to do then.
He might be 64 on the outside, but he sounds like an 18 year old on the inside... So many that is why he is acting the way he is. Most likely he "thinks" he is being charming... *gag*
The fact that he is a "perfect" gentleman when the others are there means he DOES know how to behave, he just thinks he can get away with it when you two are alone, which is kinda shitty.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (26 October 2012):
 Without ruining the car share system that benefits all of you, i think the only thing you can do is keep doing as your doing and just keep your eyes on the road and try not to pay any attention to him atal, i know easier said than done when he is sitting right next to you. Maybe turn the radio up a little louder, or direct the coversation to something about what going on in the world. I think if he persists and it gets to much for you you will have to broach the subject with him and tell him to stop, or even refuse to have him in the car.
Good luck
...............................
|
