A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok so basiclly i'm quite young and i live in another country to this other guy who is 20 and 6 years older than me and he isn't a perv or nothing due to the plain and simple fact i lied about my age i look older anyways and i'm more mature so when i say i'm older people will take me more seriously so yeah , I met him on a site around a year ago and i speak to him like everyday he has a job and everything but he has been a player and has only really stuck to a girl once who he was with for a year i really like him and we was dating like online as he lives in a different country to me but we get along alot but when we was dating it was like a "Pretend" Relationship we werent serious or anything.So fast forwarding to proberly 2-3 months maybe less he saw a picture of me and commented saying i'm really pretty ect.. and he says i'm nice and other stuff the thing about him he doesnt say damn your sexy or like stupid comments which alot of guys say specially when i'm out walking and stuff i don't think much of myself but he thinks alot of me and lots of people say i'm really pretty and i hate it because , i'm not vain and stuff so anyways i'm going to the country he lives in when i'm 16 and i wanna be a young mum but WAIT! i'm not saying i wanna have a child with him i'm just saying should i date him (what we both want) have sex with him (which i'm kinda scared of) talk to him about kids (which could be difficult as when i see him it will be the first time i've met him) Forget about him (which he doesn't deserve to be forgotten about) hes great he makes me laugh he shares alot with me and hes the first person i feel like i can say anything to so any sort of advice even none of the above would be a great help because , i've been thinking about this for ages and what better way to find the right answer than an online thing that way i hear the honest opinions so thank you. (And please don't think i'm stupid or anything because i'm young i'm sure most of you have felt the same at one point in your life old or young love can come at any age).
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): If your going to meet him, take an adult and let many people know where you are going. Just as a pre-caution. Meet in a public place, do not go round his. Get to know his real side, because I am a sales girl, and I know people can be what-ever they want to be on the other end of a phone- I dont mean to say he's a 48year old pervert, just that he may have a different personality to what you expected.
An online romance may be exactly your answer. But it may be more than that, it could be love =] it is very possible. Just please dont let anyone take advantage of you. Keep your family close. I hope this has helped.
PS: If he loves you back, why doesnt he come to you, and meet your family.
A
male
reader, RobL +, writes (26 September 2009):
 I must say, I am disgusted at some of the responses on this thread, I really am.
Almost every single one of the responses mentions "He might not be who he says he is", and fine, he might not, but what if he, bear with me... actually IS who he says he is?
Okay. I'm turning 21 next week, and I'm in an online relationship with my girlfriend who turned 16 last week. I am who I say I am, she is who she says she is. We talk every day, we webcam, we skype (phone), and I love her, and she loves me.
I'm tired of reading about feelings in relationships that have not yet progressed into the real world being fantasies, fakes, surreal, abnormal. Think about it, what is the only aspect missing from a relationship that is constrained to being online? The ability to interact with them physically. The physical presence of a relationship is important, I grant you that, however the absence of it cannot massively affect the feelings couples have for one-another.
If a couple share every waking moment they can talking to each other, texting each other, sharing the details of each others lives, enjoying activities they can participate in with each other online, how can you possibly tell me it's unfeasible to fall in love with them? It's perfectly possible; the couple enjoy each others' company just like a "real" couple can, so don't you sit there and tell me it isn't possible to fall in love with someone this way, because that's just ignorant.
I'll be writing my first article for this website in the next few days, the topic of conversation will be exactly what I've just discussed, so look out for that, anyone who is interested.
---
Now then, regarding the original poster's situation, here's my advice for you.
First off, I'm going to base my entire post on the scenario that you and him are close. I'm not going to give you any bullshit about "He's not who he says he is" or any of that, enough pessimistic people have done that for you here. I'm going to try and focus on the positives and give you some advice that will actually help you.
Now, when you met, you lied about your age, so this far, your entire relationship with him is built on that lie. That, in itself, is not going to bode well, I can assure you. You *must* tell him your real age as soon as you can. It will probably hurt him to find out this fact, however it must be done, if you want to actually try for a committed relationship in the real world, it'll never work unless you tell him, and the sooner the better, because the longer you leave it, the more it'll hurt!
You mention going to his country when you turn 16. Have you discussed this with him? What does he think? Who suggested the idea? That really is a massive step in an online relationship, and not one that should be taken lightly. Do your parents know about this man? If not, you cannot think about making that step. Do his parents know about you? Let's assume your parents know, his parents know, and everyone's cool with the idea, because this 100% needs to be the case. Your parents need to support you with this, they really do.
My advice here would be not to do what you're planning, but instead, get him to come and see you. And when he does, meet him in a public place, and bring your parents to meet him. This does tie in with the fact that he may not be who he says he is, but even if he is who he says he is, there could still be things about him he hasn't told you, so for your own protection, you *must* meet him publicly, with company.
The last half of your post confused me. Are you saying that the first time you meet him, you want to discuss having children with him and have sex with him? That's not the natural order of doing things. You shouldn't be thinking about children for a LONG time yet. And then when you say forget about him, do you mean you want him to get you pregnant and then you just leave him?
You'll really have to explain what you mean here before I can help you, sorry.
If you'd like to discuss it with me, you can reply here, or feel free to send me a private message if you'd like, I'll be happy to help if I can ^_^
~Rob
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female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (26 September 2009):
 Sweetheart, it's like this -- at your age, you are vulnerable to any man's attention and secondly, you cannot trust anyone you meet online. People who are in prison have access to computers and often seem very normal on line to the people they chat with and get to know -- that is until they get out, and talk some young, vulnerable woman into meeting them. Please don't fall for the flattery! You are playing a dangerous game. No man who is in that age group truly wants a 13-15 year old girl unless he's a pervert, I don't care what he's told you -- he's lying and he has you completely conned. It's okay, we were all 13-15 at one time, and I can tell you I would've probably fallen for it too! That's what young women do. We are looking for love, we want to be accepted as a woman, we want attention and admiration and that is what leads us into various traps set by older, devious men who act totally innocent with you onling. Please stop communicating with him before something really tragic happens. Young women are kidnapped every day, sold into sexual slavery or murdered by men just like this, who give them attention and convince them they are loved. For your own safety, please tell your parents and let them contact the authorities. I hope you take my advise -- it comes from the heart!!
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (26 September 2009):
 At 14, you are still a vulnerable child. You may think that you are grown up and mature for your age, but we all think that when we are 14. You will look back in 10 years time and realise that you didnt know it all.
I think your post raises some very serious and dangerous questions.
You cannot have a relationship with someone you have never met. It is very easy to "pretend" to be something else on the other side of a computer screen. You lied about your age, what if he lied about his too? You have created an image in your mind, of what YOU want him to be, not the reality, because you do not know. A 20 year old man, is going to like getting attention. Regardless of who it comes from. So he has a young inexperienced girl hanging on his every word and giving him all the attention he wants. He loves it! I really do hope you have kept your conversations clean, and have not ventured into sexual content, because if it has, then he is a paedophile. You are legally underage in the UK, so ANY sexual contact, be it physical or online grooming is deemed a criminal offence. I really do hope for your sake that he has not been taking advantage of you via the internet.
You are 14, he is 20. In those 6 years you grow so much. You develop, change, and learn lots about who you are as a person, and in all honesty, no self respecting 20 year old man is going to want to go out with a 14 year old, or even a 16 year old for that matter. They want an adult woman, not a child. Sorry to be harsh, but it is the truth. Its a nice fantasy for him, but in reality it would never happen.
As all the other posters have said, you do not know this man, he could be anyone, and you are very naive to think that he would want a relationship and a baby?! with a 14 year old. Just out of interest, what country is he from?
Do your parents know about your "online" relationship? Because if they do not, you should tell them. If you dont want to, then this answers your question, and shows that what you are doing is both wrong, and exceptionally dangerous.
On a final note....Why do you want to be a young mum? What has given you the idea that this is a clever thing to do? WHY do you want to lose your independance before you have even become an adult? This is why you are not mature, you cannot see the wider implications of your actions.
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female
reader, rere  +, writes (25 September 2009):
well what you are doing is a very dangerous thing and you can put your self in danger since you are lieing about your age he can be lieing about his how can you be afraid of sex and want to be a young mum but trust that is not the best way to go wait and get education now and then focus on a serious relationship later when all that thing is sorted out people who are used to this can make up what they are like they can make you believe that they are something else and then not that in real life and can a person that wants to rape you or kill you so just remember your body and dont follow your heart all the time but use your brain and yes everyone falls in love but some people might think it is love but it is not wait until your older to put your self at such risks and try to avoid them as much as possible
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A
female
reader, mint +, writes (25 September 2009):
 oh my god, are yuu serious....you need to carm down you havent even met him and yuu want to go to anotha country to meet him!! people online arent who they say they are if hes serious about yuu than he can cum to yuu as hes oldah and it wuld make more sense!!
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reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (25 September 2009):
I can't tell you yay or nay on the age thing. I can say that u need to be honest about your age. most every girl your age will go on about being more mature and looking older but lieing to someone about your age isn't very mature. plus don't you want your relationship to start out on an honest note? I don't know the age of consent laws in your country but tell him the truth and let him know who he is talking to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): I have to agree with marieclaire. Everything about this post is ridiculous - not just immature, but downright stupid! And please, don't take offense to that - I'm not saying it to offend you, I'm saying it because maybe if you see how shocked others are by your post, you'll begin to re-think your decisions and feelings.You cannot fall in love on the Internet. I repeat, you CANNOT fall in love on the Internet. Falling in love means finding someone you have chemistry with (you cannot have chemistry with someone on the Internet, you can only have a fantasy about the chemistry you would LIKE to have), someone you have been through a lot with, someone who respects you and someone who respects themselves. Now, I'm not saying you two couldn't have great chemistry, you two couldn't get along really well and go through lots of things together and respect each other, but the reality is that none of those things have happened yet, and you want to fly to another country for him?! That's not love, that's insanity!Get some help, talk to a counsellor, and stay away from this man. I am telling you, he is bad news.
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male
reader, free_mind +, writes (25 September 2009):
There are plenty of problems here to consider.First:at your age, crushes come easily (but actually, at all ages). You don't know if this guy is as he pretends, he might be 67 years old and fat, or a dangerous pervert.Going to a different country is kind of a crazy decision. There is not an interesting guy in your home town?Even if he is honest, it is easier to fall in love with an IDEA you have about him then the real person.Now traveling to another country to meet someone, even for an adult person with his own money and off age, it is a major and problematic decision.On top of it all, if the guy really is wonderful, there is the legal problem: he can go to jail for having contact with an underage person. I think these laws are wrong and unjust, if there is a real relationship, but lots of guys were locked away already as sex offenders for having a love affair. A few decades ago this was normal, and even in the bible there are cases of even bigger age differences.I was going to suggest for him to visit you, but he might be arrested as a sex offender. Unfortunately.So, from all angles, it looks too much trouble. Sober up, and look for someone close by.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (25 September 2009):
 You want an honest opinion? My opinion is that you should not go to his country, you should not date him you should not have sex with him and you should stop using him. What follows is the reason for my opinion. You are not going to like it.
About being a young Mum. It is not as fun as it looks. The right time for children is sometime between when you have a stable relationship with a good father, and when you are too old to have children safely.
You have a choice right now to ignore everything else I am going to say. Just stop reading.
_____________________________
You have lied and misrepresented your age to this guy. You have told him you had real feelings when what you were really doing was engaging in a fantasy (pretend) relationship. Now you want to travel to his country and use him for an experiment. Then you fully intend to discard him like a used tissue. How did you get to be so cruel? I know the answer. You think that people online are like video game characters. Just made up of random electrons. You can shoot them, hack them up, whatever, then tomorrow you can log on and get more. Of course it is not so bad for you to treat him this badly because he is a player and does the same to girls.
FA
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 September 2009):
Ok, well you're not stupid, you're naive.
I'm guessing you haven't seen the commerical, but in the US they played a commerical about a girl that was around 14 years old and she's talking about how this older guy online and how he "understands" her, he's so "mature," he's "not like the other boys in school." Sound familiar?
When I was a teenager I had silly thoughts about wanting to be a young mother and falling in love with some older guy that would want to marry me and be with me forever. Moving forward, I'm now 25 and wow, I'm sure glad none of that ever happened.
You're lying to him so what makes you think he's at all truthful to you? I really don't even know what your question is. But just some advice, don't get caught up or wrapped around this guy. This "romance" is with someone on the other side of a computer screen telling you what he probably thinks you want to hear. You don't know what his REAL intentions are or what kind of person he REALLY is. Do not meet him, there are girls that have gone missing because they were about your age and thought they were in love with a guy they met online...and the men, yes, they were lying. Some were in their 30's and 40's and saying they were in their 20's.
Seriously, get your head out of the clouds. You're only 14 and you have A LOT of time to meet someone to be with and start a family with.
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reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (25 September 2009):
I can't tell you yay or nay on the age thing. I can say that u need to be honest about your age. most every girl your age will go on about being more mature and looking older but lieing to someone about your age isn't very mature. plus don't you want your relationship to start out on an honest note? I don't know the age of consent laws in your country but tell him the truth and let him know who he is talking to.
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