A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is about my life. I gave up teaching English as a foreign language to go to medical school aged 30. I knew it would be tough. No money, starting at the bottom, my peer group all being 10-12 years younger. I went from having classes of mainly very appreciative and respectful students who wanted to learn English, to being bottom of the pile. I knew this and accepted it.Fast forward 8 years and I've been qualified for nearly 3 years. I can't deny it any longer, I hate this job. There are so many cuts to the NHS that they are always running things on a shoe string, it's terribly short staffed. I was called in for extra shifts last week to help a colleague out and once I was there, he got pulled to carry the on-call bleep. So then I had a whole ward with 24 beds to look after, from 7:30 AM to 6:30 PM with no break whatsoever. I just grabbed some cream crackers and I was on my feet all day. There were serious issues to sort out, pre-op and post-op patients, people needing blood transfusions, decisions about starting/stopping meds, deciding who was safe for discharge and then the mountain of paperwork.The nurses are really nice and the therapists great, and we do have fun, but I ended up so drained i needed a stiff drink after that. I think to myself, why did I want to do this? My feet and knees ache. The system is so hierarchical, people my age who are now consultants, I have to address as Mr (surgeons), and I feel like a slave as they swan around demanding patients are got ready for theatre. There's no question of answering back no matter how insulting they may be, you just have to take it, as they see you as their 'bitch', and they had to go through the system so why shouldn't you?I don't know how much more I can take. I'm very polite and helpful at work, but I hate this system, and I don't know if I want to sacrifice another 10 years of my life to it for the prestige of becoming a consultant, when I look at them and dislike them.I love singing, playing guitar and recording music but I'm so knackered all the time I haven't got the energy to do it. I had to have my thyroid ablated with radioactive iodine as I was thyrotoxic after all the stress of doing on-calls. I'd just started a set of nights and had palpitations and chest pain Got a friend to take blood and sure enough my thyroid was off the scale. I showed the results to a consultant and he told me to take carbimazole and beta blockers to see me through the night shifts and come to clinic the following week.If it was a normal person with those blood tests they would be advised to stay home from work until the symptoms were under control. Certainly not undertake anything dangerous like assessing and managing acutely unwell patients through the night in a hospital with more than 800 beds and only 1 house officer (me) covering the medical wards. But they expect us to carry on no matter what as if we are robots. Nights are relentless. You are bleeped constantly and have to run from one unstable patient to the next, doing your best to keep them safe until the morning. When they die there's no support, you just get told, 'it happens' and you cross them off your handover sheet and have to carry on.I just want have time to do normal stuff and play music and write songs.Well, the issue is, I have an interview for speciality training in paediatrics in a couple of weeks. If I'm accepted it's an 8 year programme, so the next 8 years committed to this.If I'm offered it, I'll almost certainly take it as it's the next logical step, and I have been supported by my seniors with my application, been given time off work for the interview etc.But really, I'd rather not go to the interview at all. I'll have to put on a massive act and be enthusiastic about it when I don't think I should do it at all. It's in a different part of England and I love where I am now and am just starting to make some really nice friends here.Should I even go to the interview? If I don't get/take the job, I'll stay at this level another year, could go travelling, could do locum. Still need to decide what to do the following year.I did have a very difficult relationship last year and all the advice on this site was so helpful that I've just kind of got into the habit of checking it out regularly and I trust the advice a lot. So I'm sure your advice about this would also be worth reading.Thanks .,
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 I thought this very important life/balance and health question would get some inspiring answers and I was not wrong.
It does sound as if you do need some 'me' time to clarify your future directions in life.
When you are too stressed you cannot possibly be expected to make important decisions.
Yet such important decisions are a constant (I would imagine?) in the very demanding job you have now.
At times you must want to 'tune-out' just so you can cope. But if you 'tune-out' then you become less effective and empathy and compassion are then in short supply - making you less effective in your role.
And the unknown is stressful. Your sleep may be affected. You may feel overwhelmed at times. Not eating healthy is going to affect your long term heath.
So sometimes it is important to take time out for you. Reassess your priorities. If your NHS (or any Hospital/medical facility) culture anywhere) keeps on losing good staff then maybe the boffins at the top will recognize the need for reform of the culture.
I am in awe of the amazing work true professionals do do.
In the last five years of her life my beloved mother in law (who passed away just before Christmas last year) was regularly in and out of hospitals with various serious issues. Some I had never heard of. She received wonderful care and consideration.
I saw first hand how much pressure is placed on Nurses and Doctors and allied professionals.
And I saw first hand that when one stays calm and remains respectful that the whole process is much easier for everyone.
This is versus the demanding rude patients and their families who must make life hell at times. Occasionally in the area the patients wait in to be assessed, before being admitted, I did see some bad behavior and hear bad language of patients and their families.
No one should have to come to work and then be abused for doing their job. I don't know how that staff keep so calm under this pressure. It cannot be easy. No wonder hospitals need well trained good security personnel.
And the when my MIL did pass away the staff were so kind. And explained the process so that we knew what would have to happen.
I could not be more impressed with the care and dedication of the medical staff - Doctors and Nurses and others - after seeing their good work in front of me and the consideration they showed my MIL.
You need to put you and your needs for the direction you want to go in your life ahead of all other considerations. If others want to judge you then that is their problem.
So take the time to consider where you want to be in five years time and in ten years time.
Take the time to think about how you want your life to be when you get there.
Any move is stressful.
And it is good that you have been making new friends recently.
Though every re-location can result in even more stress in the first three months and less in the ensuing six months.
Yet twelve months after such a big change you are likely to experience a surge in confidence when you assess how much you have grown.
Most of all look after your own health. If your health is compromized then you will not be able to help anyone effectively, including, especially, you.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 January 2013):
 hi
Wow stress or what. The sheer responsibility is enough to make you on edge. If your confident in the role you have can your skills be transferred to say a Private Hospital where there is less pressure?
I don't think your in the right frame of mind for the interview, its a shame you can't have a week in the sun prior to going for it.Your seniors have confidence in you.But if your hearts not in it, you have to weigh up if long term it would be a better career move.
At the moment you have no life balance so your on a treadmill, constantly tired and that just leads to burn out.I know the NHS is a fantastic service and all the medical staff should be appreciated, I for one have nothing but respect for them.
Basically it's time to care of yourself now,look around for other roles,take a breather for a week or two and decide what you really want.Could be it will be all you need to get things into perspective.
You have worked so hard to be where you are so we need you in some way in your chosen career!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): As a fy1 the demands are high, we all know this that work within this remit. I don't think I could work within paediatrics if it meant working with truly sick children.
You sound like your one of the rare breed, who feel for their clients instead of one of the robotic consultants who lose their personality and become very non subjective.
My suggestion would be to inclined to see if I had incurred holiday leave and I would take a fortnight off just to rest and get my head straight. It might be that the professional level your currently at is not for you. But then if you decide to leave make sure it's the right move too.. Yes there lots of pressure and work load is high and stressful but the end goal is what normally keeps us going. Instead of looking 8 year down the line, make goals more achievable look at what you'll gain at the end of the year then celebrate that...
Just be sure what you want and it's not exhaustion talking... Consultants are extremely pompous but you do get a few who make it working with them worth while.
Hang in there . Don't be hasty. Try take some time off. Map out a plan of what you really want to do. . And don't bear yourself up if this is not for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm a US nurse, but in 2009 completed my MSc in Health Policy from the University of Edinburgh. I met many doctors in my program and learned a great deal about the hierarchy of the UK system.
It is no different really than the US. Except in the US nurses do a HECK of alot more than in the UK (think nurse practitioners who are setting up their own primary care clinics and nurses prescribing meds in the hospitals) AND the doctors are compensated beyond comprehension (they are the 1% top earners in the country).
Anywho, in my experience as a nurse, I dealt with abuse, exhaustion, depression and self-doubt - no different than your experiences really. Doctors treat you like shit, so do patients, the level of acuity is high, the responsibilities are huge, the nurses eat their young and the management push you to your limit to save money. No breaks, denied vacation and loads of abuse.
I'm 30 and aside for the one year in Scotland studying, I've dealt with alot of crap as a nurse. I came back from school and went right back to working in a clinic at the hospital. Nothing changed. Until they pushed me so hard and forced me to lift an obese patient ... my neck popped. I'm off work now for a year due to the neck injury.
I have to tell you, its been the most enlightening year. I've done a great deal of self reflection, I've seen how I've changed in the last year (not sleep deprived, look younger, am happier and don't have to deal with sadistic doctors and abusive nurses). I realized that all these years, I have not been listening to my gut...my whole being was screaming out for years - I was being pushed physically to my maximum, I was stressed/eating like crap/not sleeping and likely shortening my life expectancy, I couldn't even take a proper vacation due to 'staffing levels' and I was being stabbed in the back by nurses and talked down to/pushed around by the doctors.
Why did I take this crap??? What for?? Some money?
Honestly, life is way too short to put up with things that are not bringing you happiness. I was holding on to nursing as a career due to its prestige here in the US and its money making ability (I was making $140,000 per year in California). But, I wasn't doing what truly makes me happy and healthy. I've decided to head in a very different path in property development (I love architecture and buildings) and will never let myself be treated so poorly. Its simply not worth it.
You need to toss out whatever ideas/factors/thoughts/barriers/limitations you've CREATED for yourself and go with your heart. Doing something because its "the logical next step" just doesn't make sense and it will not make you happy. Its just more of the same. Its a wasted life. If something doesn't make you happier, healthier and contribute to a fun life than DON"T DO IT. Honestly, why are you even in hospital work - it doesn't sound like it fits your personality at all. Have you thought about primary care, working internationally as a doctor, becoming a medical professor, doing research? There are so many things you can do with a medical degree. Why sit around in a hospital being degraded and pushed to your physical limits??
You really just need to reflect on things abit and change your course of action. Its not a big deal. I've had one from who was a UK doctor change paths to accupuncture and Eastern Medicine, another friend was in genetics left for real estate, my prof in uni quit being a doctor to teach health policy and do research, my brother is leaving being a pharmacist for computer gaming, my other brother has a math PhD but it doing computer programing on the side, my doctor friend in Toronto hates medicine but loves international health so she's heading to Africa to work there in primary care. Loads of people change paths.
Also, another 8 Year training program. Good GOD, what a waste of time! Go do something shorter and more enjoyable. Life is passing you by and you're allowing yourself to lead a very difficult and miserable life. Do a primary care residency and go teach/work abroad. Escape the hospital. Quit being 'logical' and lead with your heart and gut.
:)
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